DH parents not sure how they feel about IVF

babygirlpriest · July 2010

Or more specifically PGD IVF.

They (especially his mom) are very simple, conservative Christians. The idea of getting science involved and playing god is foreign and a bit uncomfortable for them.

I understand the idea of picking the gender, coloring, etc. feels a bit like playing Creator and putting together a designer baby... but that's not what PGD is and it breaks my heart that DH's parents aren't being overwhelmingly supportive.

It's not that they are against it... it's just new and different and a weird way to go about getting a healthy baby.

rabstbmom · July 2010

I'm sorry they're not being as supportive as you'd like. I hope they come around as you move forward. At least they're not totally against it. That might be an uphill challenge to deal with, but hopefully they'll come around as they learn more about it and realize it's to help you get the best chance possible at getting a healthy baby.

Court1 · July 2010

I'm sorry they're not giving you the support you need. I hope that as this process moves forward they will open their eyes up & educate themselves on what you're going through & understand why. ::::Big hugs::::

ERICA21779 · July 2010

It sounds like what they need is some time to wrap their minds around this and when they see your belly growing with their beautiful grandchild they will not give the "how" another thought.

JuJuBe3 · July 2010

I'm sorry they didn't react more supportively. I hope with some time to let it sink in and more knowledge about the IVF process and what PGD does for you, they will come around. Hugs to you.

michrocc · July 2010

I'm so sorry. I'm sure you have, but did you explain it to them? Do they still not get it? Has your DH spoken to them?

I hope they come around soon. They should really be in your corner and it sucks that they aren't right now.

Clerk9 · July 2010

I think PPs have pretty much said it. Hopefully they'll get more used to the idea as they learn more about it. For some of us, it takes a little while to get used to change.

T&P as you go through this journey.

AppleRidge · July 2010

They will most definitely come around to the idea. And if they don't, it doesn't matter because you're doing what you and DH need to get the baby you so much deserve.

babygirlpriest · July 2010

michrocc:

I'm so sorry. I'm sure you have, but did you explain it to them? Do they still not get it? Has your DH spoken to them?

I hope they come around soon. They should really be in your corner and it sucks that they aren't right now.

We just found out we'd most likely need to go the PGD IVF route yesterday. DH told them last night and, like others have said, I think they just need time to wrap their brains around it.

And it's NOT that they're stupid... just very simple and hearing all the cold details about testing and medical assistance seemed, I'm sure, very unnatural.

It's just this is hitting DH so much harder than I thought it would and for the first time in 2 years he is really, really hurting and for the first time in 2 years his parents are 100% supportive.

Scout05 · July 2010

Tell them to suck it.

Sorry, but they can just suck on it.

KelinandKevin · July 2010

You know, my mom hasn't been 100% on board with our IVF process. She hasn't openly supported it and every time we talk about it she walks out of the room. She thinks it's ridiculous to "waste" so much money on getting pregnant and having a kid. She thinks we should have spent the money elsewhere. It actually breaks my heart that she can't be happy for us. Anyway, I know how hard it is when family isn't overwhelmingly supportive. You want them to be as excited about it as you are but sometimes that just doesn't happen. The bottom line is its your life and your decision. They are going to love their grandchild no matter how he/she is made.

lindsay.lou · July 2010

They're not sure how they feel about it??

Well, then, it's a good thing it's YOU and not THEM that has to use IVF w/ PGD to get pregnant.

gwennythepooh · July 2010

I'm so sorry they're not 100% supportive. I hope they come around sooner rather than later. I don't have any experience/advice, but just wanted to offer hugs.

johannaknip · July 2010

I'm sorry sweetheart. I really hope they come around quickly and give you and DH all the support us deserve.

babes12 · July 2010

i'm sorry. hopefully they'll come around in time. i'm sure it's all new to them and they'll just need some time to adjust to the idea. i'm sure it's not making the process any easier on you though. ((hugs))

AtoB · July 2010

Ditto others, hopefully once they have some time to process everything (and maybe do some research?) they will come around. In the end, I hope, supporting you and your DH will become what is most important.

PeetiePie · July 2010

I agree with what the PP said, they will come around hon. (((Hugs)))

OCIrishBruin · July 2010

I'm so sorry you aren't getting 100% support from your ILs. You are going through enough without having to worry about justifying anything to anyone. FWIW, I think you are absolutely doing the right thing. Anything that will bring a healthy child into such a loving home is something that should be celebrated.

mlmtgg · July 2010

I am sorry that you and DH have to deal with this. I am hopeful that with time and some education they will understand that this is not "playing god" but rather a medically necessity for you and your DH's fertility.

also, would they feel any differently if you had ivf and had the baby and then they found out? I would think not.

dondraandluis · July 2010

I hope that they are able to be more supportive about and more comfortable with it. I'm sorry they aren't being supportive. Maybe try talking to them about more so they can understand what it is about. I know it makes things easier when you understand. I really hope they are able to be there for you guys (((HUGS)))

ColindaP · July 2010

This is why we don't talk to DH's family about IVF. I'm sorry, but the playing God argument doesn't pass muster to me. Is cancer treatment playing god? Is using a defibrillator playing god? Is taking insulin for your diabetes playing god? honestly fertility treatment is the ONLY health related treatment where people get all on their judgey mcjudgerson high horse and call it playing god. ALL medical ntervention is playing god.

michrocc · July 2010

ColindaP:
This is why we don't talk to DH's family about IVF. I'm sorry, but the playing God argument doesn't pass muster to me. Is cancer treatment playing god? Is using a defibrillator playing god? Is taking insulin for your diabetes playing god? honestly fertility treatment is the ONLY health related treatment where people get all on their judgey mcjudgerson high horse and call it playing god. ALL medical ntervention is playing god.

Yes Yes Yes ...until the end of time.

ColindaP · July 2010

Also, the way we framed it to make it a bit more palatable was to say that doing IVF was actually our best chance to conceive a baby that would actually survive, and that continuing on "naturally" was most likely to result in more embryo losses than with IVF.

lindsay.lou · July 2010

ColindaP:
This is why we don't talk to DH's family about IVF. I'm sorry, but the playing God argument doesn't pass muster to me. Is cancer treatment playing god? Is using a defibrillator playing god? Is taking insulin for your diabetes playing god? honestly fertility treatment is the ONLY health related treatment where people get all on their judgey mcjudgerson high horse and call it playing god. ALL medical ntervention is playing god.

Amen.

pepomntpat · July 2010

I hope they will come around. Hopefully some information will help them embrace the idea more fully.

swanck · July 2010

Oh Kristin. That's so hard.

I'm sorry that they aren't offering the support you need.

I hope it just takes them some time.

JaimieLee · July 2010

When we told DH's parents that we were going to do PGD IVF going forward they reacted the same way! Not really against it, but not as excited as I thought they would be. We assumed it was because they were against the whole science/technology involved (they are conservative Christians too) but it turned out that the biggest issue was that they thought we would stop having sex with each other and lose that connection and foundation for our marriage.

I assured MIL that I found her son hot as balls anyway and would continue jumping him every chance I got - that seemed to change their opinion. I also mentioned that for us, it was either IVF or nothing....so if they wanted more grandkids they had to get on board.

I hope your inlaws come around real soon!

EntropicEpona · July 2010

ColindaP:
This is why we don't talk to DH's family about IVF. I'm sorry, but the playing God argument doesn't pass muster to me. Is cancer treatment playing god? Is using a defibrillator playing god? Is taking insulin for your diabetes playing god? honestly fertility treatment is the ONLY health related treatment where people get all on their judgey mcjudgerson high horse and call it playing god. ALL medical ntervention is playing god.

VERY well said, and oh-so true.

To the OP, I'm really sorry they reacted like that, but like others have said, I'm sure they'll come around to it in time. And if not? Then screw them! It's YOUR choice.

rjl07 · July 2010

I agree with both of Colinda's posts too. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but I hope they can get used to the idea soon. It's hard enough having to deal with the losses, IF, and IVF process so you need to do what's best for you and DH.

I'm a little nervous for DH's parents to find out about us doing IVF for the same reasons. I think they'll be supportive, but you never know. I hope everything works out for the best for you.

KristysRedBarn · July 2010

I'm sorry. It's a very complex process and since it's something they haven't had to go through and really no one in their generation went through, I'm sure it's hard for them to understand. I can kind of understand the playing God factor, but really Colinda is right in what she said. I hope with time and more understanding they come around and support you 100% in your journey.

I couldn't imagine talking to Dh's Amish parents about this. In fact we haven't talked to them really at all about IF, because they just can't seem to get it.

kew243 · July 2010

like everyone said, I hope they come around. Good luck!

butterfly843 · July 2010

I hope once they are educated more on the process they will become supportive.

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