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Single Parents
lady_mormont
member
"So, you're giving up?" vent
lady_mormont
member
Since I am still pretty new here I will recap a little: My STBXH was arrested last month for trying to meet up with a 15 yr old girl for sex (really an undercover cop). Since then his case was moved to federal court and he is now charged with receipt of child porn.
I am now 9 months pregnant and he called to ask me if he could be at the birth. Since he is under house arrest at his parent's home (2.5 hours away) he can't just show up, thank goodness! I told him that he was not allowed at the birth. Of course he started to cry...
He then told me that I was all he had... He loved me so much... blah blah blah! Again I told him there is no way I would ever trust him again and the marriage was over. His response was "So you are giving up?" He went on about how the decision to end the marriage is mine and therefore it is my fault if it fails!
What!?! He is trying to make me feel guilty! What a DB! Sorry buddy you are the one that FAILED!
Vent over.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "So, you're giving up?" vent
I feel for you=( I was on the August Board for a bit and saw the initial story and my neart broke. Having something like that happen to you is awful. I say that because you really had no part, or idea that your life was about to be turned completely upside down with absolutely no warning.
The way you are standing your ground and doing everything you need to do is such an inspiration to me. I can't imagine what's going on in your head every day I just pray you can continue to have the strength you need.
I'm sorry you have to actually talk to him. That must be like salt in the wound=(
And your answer should have been, "There is only so long I can polish a turd, because no matter what I do it will still be a turd"
Try answering questions like that in a simple, to the point way. This way he can't argue with it and it shuts him down. Next time he says something like this:
STBXH: "what, I can't believe you are giving up on our marriage, after all we have been through, you are all that I haaavvvveeee". So you are telling me you are giving up and it is really over???"
You: "Yes, I am."
My counselor advised me about conversations like this with DB (not that I even speak to him anymore but this was before). She said the best thing to do is keep it simple. I would say that it drove me crazy because I would want to defend myself because what he was saying was so crazy. He would say that he couldn't believe I was giving up on our marriage and he realized that I was never committed to being married, just wanted to give up, blah blah.....Sounds like the same crap as your STBXH.
They don't take accountability and best thing to do is reply like I suggested. It is maddening to NOT respond the way you really want to but I soon realized that it does no good. It sucks you into a conversation that you don't want to be a part of and, believe me, you will not win.