Stress is going to kill us all!

goldenmama · October 2008

Today is just not a day that i am happy with DH. We used to have the best relationship in the word and now we are just sulky around each other. We both have a ton on our plate and are just so tired by the end of the day we just have no time to reconnect.

I just feel it slipping away day by day and it breaks my heart......

please tell me it gets better and we are not alone.

dragonflyinn · October 2008

I have no advice, but I can sadly say you are not alone. At the beginning when I thought it was going to be the worst we were such an amazing team, but after I went back to work part time, it has just not been going as well. Hopefully others will say it gets better.

coffee bean · October 2008

It is tough. Dragonflyinn makes a good point - at the beginning, I think the newness of it kind of pulls you together for the challenge.

Then you (kind of) get things under control and realize this is the new normal forever. DH and I are so tired at the end of the day that most nights we just veg in front of the TV while on our respective laptops. Not happy to admit that, but we are so darn tired!

LilSurferGirl · October 2008

It gets better!!! No really, it does. I felt that way about my relationship with DH off and on for the first 6 months. We just didn't have the time or the energy to focus on anything but the boys, work, the house - we definitely got lost in there. We are on opposite schedules, too, so it's even harder to make the time to just catch up with each other enough to ask how our day went!

But gradually as the babies started sleeping better (somewhat) and we started to feel a little more capable as parents, we found we had some time to actually look at each other and connect as us and not as frazzled parents. In fact - and I'll make a Friday confession here - this morning we actually made time for a quickie before the nanny arrived! The boys were up and fed and playing and DH just said - let's go! I thought he was crazy, but it was worth being a little late for work :-)

So it will get better as your babies become a little more independent and you find yourself able to focus on each other again. You may have to steal that time wherever you can (LOL) and it may be different than before the babies, but it can still be pretty great.

You are definitely not alone, so vent away to us any time!

MassaRN · October 2008

You are definately not alone!! Between the lack of sleep, the worry about money and stress from work, it leaves us with very little time physically and emotionally for anything else. Don't get me wrong, we do have our good times and I don't think anything we are going through would ever cause us to get divorced, but I do feel like we are living parallel lives right now. I hope it does get better soon!!!

goldenmama · October 2008

thanks ladies! yeah it is just tough because life a simple version of life. we have so many things going on right now ( selling a business, dh wanting to move back to fl, me trying to figure how to fill my role as mom and business owner ect ect...) it just can really get you down.

FaeryStarGazer · October 2008

I swear to god, I started writing this same post this morning. My husband has been sleeping on the couch *he says he is tired of me waking him up bc he is snoring* and I don't even care. He is working his 9-5 job and on M&W nights, he teaches economics at our Penn State campus. He seems to think that bc he GOES out to work, his relaxing time is more important than mine. He thinks spending time with the girls is watching ESPN in the same room they are playing in. He doesn't help me pick up at the end of the day, he doesn't help with getting dinner together; I ask what he would like and he generally says nothing. I don't even want to reconnect with him right now. At this point, I'm tired of trying to be a good wife and partner. All I want to be is a good mom. We can work on the 'us' stuff after the semester is over, so long as he doesn't go back to teach for spring. I know we aren't going to seperate or anything so our problems are going to have to wait, and they can.

/vent

FaeryStarGazer · October 2008

FaeryStarGazer:

I swear to god, I started writing this same post this morning. My husband has been sleeping on the couch *he says he is tired of me waking him up bc he is snoring* and I don't even care. He is working his 9-5 job and on M&W nights, he teaches economics at our Penn State campus. He seems to think that bc he GOES out to work, his relaxing time is more important than mine. He thinks spending time with the girls is watching ESPN in the same room they are playing in. He doesn't help me pick up at the end of the day, he doesn't help with getting dinner together; I ask what he would like and he generally says nothing. I don't even want to reconnect with him right now. At this point, I'm tired of trying to be a good wife and partner. All I want to be is a good mom. We can work on the 'us' stuff after the semester is over, so long as he doesn't go back to teach for spring. I know we aren't going to seperate or anything so our problems are going to have to wait, and they can.

/vent

Crap, I forgot that this is all pretty recent. He used to be a great helper, he used to pull more weight around here, but the last few weeks.... something isn't right.

traci_roo · October 2008

You are not alone. Dh was gone for half of their first year of life and I had to do it all alone. Now he works long hours and has to study alot so I still feel like I am doing it alone. We can barely find time to spend as a family much less as a couple.

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