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I need some input re: behavior issues
I need some advice, because I'm really at a crossroads and not sure what to do.
My sweet Sam has been absolutely crazy lately. Ever since school ended and his usual routine went out the window when we went to the U.S., he hasn't been the same. He is hyper unless he's watching TV or playing on the computer. I mean super hyper. I have been doing plenty of things with the kids since returning home 1 1/2 weeks ago, getting them out of the house to play and burn off energy, and keeping to a schedule as best I can, but it doesn't seem to help.
Tonight we kept them up a half-hour late to finish a movie, and he would not calm down at bedtime. I read to him as usual, and then when it was time for me to go, he asked me to lie down with him. He did this same thing yesterday with his dad, and I don't want it to become a pattern. When I said no and tried to cover him up and say goodnight, he grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go. Then he started this combination whining/giggling thing, and would NOT stop or let go of me. It kept escalating and I had to get firm with him, yet he wouldn't. I finally was able to leave his room, and he started whimpering and crying, and sobbing. After a few minutes, he came out and I walked him back in, and he did this sobbing thing for another 5-10 minutes, saying he couldn't calm down--but the thing is, I know his crying, and his sobbing. He was totally faking it, but it seemed like he was trying to get himself worked up enough to really start crying for real. He finally stopped and I was able to leave, but what the hell?
The obvious guess is that he feels like he's not getting enough attention from me, but I spend time with him and play with him throughout the day. Tonight we sat in my armchair together, snuggling while watching the movie. But he has always been a needy kid, so it wouldn't surprise me if he still wanted more attention from us.
However, on top of that, I have always suspected that he may have ADHD, at least the hyperactive-impulsive type. He has just about every symptom of hyperactivity I've read about. But he is only 5, and I really don't know if he is too young to make that kind of diagnosis. I don't want to "explain away" his behavior/personality, but I don't want to do him a disservice either, by not addressing it.
So far his hyperactivity hasn't really affected his performance in school or his ability to play with his friends. People still ask him over for playdates. He does very well in school, and his teachers' only concern is his social development, which has been a concern of ours too, as well as every teacher he's ever had. He has made great strides, but it seems he's taken huge steps backward since the summer started.
DH is of the belief that we should just get him evaluated by a therapist, and if there's no problem then no harm done. But I feel like, if he's not struggling in school or with his friends, it's okay to wait it out to see how he progresses after he starts kindergarten this fall. Plus, even if he is diagnosed with ADHD, I am very hesitant to medicate him.
I just don't know what to do. Like I said, I don't want to overreact, but I don't want to ignore the issue either, especially since he is driving me insane with these hyperactive episodes over the last month!
Do you think it's premature to get him tested? Or am I just in denial?
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Re: I need some input re: behavior issues
I'm so sorry, nanner.
I only have my own experiences to judge from and T is younger but I would say it might be a combination of factors. Travel and disruption take T a couple of weeks to get over sometimes, especially if he is not getting enough sleep. He does that grab/whine/giggle thing in that circumstance, too, and for him it's always a sure sign of a culmination of not enough rest.
I am so iffy about the testing. We overdiagnose kids so bad these days and so many are on Ritalin. I would wait and give him some time to readjust.
Do you have a treadmill he could run on for 30 mins before bedtime?!?
I kid, I kid....
Seriously though, I agree with RK....I bet it is a phase he is going through and I'd be hesitant to medicate him as well. I'd wait it out a couple more months and then before school starts up again, revisit the idea of having him diagnosed. **HUGS**
my kiddos are much younger and i have no reference point, but i agree with the other ladies and would wait to medicate as long as you possibly could. i wonder if a therapist would be able to offer you some helpful tips/ideas on how else you could handle the situation, without medication.
good luck, hope things get better soon.
I wish I had some good advice for you, but my son is only 20 months. That being said, trust your gut. My mom was told for years that my little brother had ADD/ADHD. All of his teachers were concerned and brought it up at conferences. My mom spoke with his pediatrician, a very intuitive man who to this day will tell me I'm sick by taking one look at me. They decided to give it time.
She was also hesitant to medicate my brother regardless of a diagnosis. He is now 15 and doesn't show any signs of ADD/ADHD.
Good luck. I'm sure this is a frustrating situation.I have seen some episodes on SuperNanny that deals with families who have diagnosed ADHD, but would prefer not to medicate. She helps them with different ways of helping dealing with the meltdowns, etc.
I am not saying your DS has ADHD, but if you are saying his symptoms seem simliar, then maybe her different techniques would work. She has videos online of her different episodes - you can just search for "ADHD" to see the episodes with families dealing with it.
https://www.supernanny.com/TV-Show/Archives.aspx?_pbg_page=1&_pbg_size=0&_pbg=plContent_ctl00_rpEpisodes&_pbg_mode=search&_pbg_sortd=Season_Number&_pbg_sortd=Episode_Number&_pbgAll=adhd&_pbgSeason_Number=&_pbgdata_type_id=28
I hope it helps!
I think we tend to over-prescribe. However, knowledge is power.
If you get him tested and you find challenges, then you can find your own means of correcting them or just keep doing what you've been doing. Finding out does not have to change anything and does not have to mean drugs.
Perhaps, there are some techniques that would help anyone who needs better focusing skills that would help curb the behaviors you're having trouble with? Would that hurt to learn about?
I like to know things, though. It is an important part of my need to prepare. I'd rather know in order to be able to address things.
He does seem to have a lot going on, though.
I think you have gotten good advice but wanted to throw something out there I don't think I saw. I'm sure you have thought of this already, but has anything changed with his diet? I know that when my brother went through a very hyper period at around 3.5-4 that my mother was told not to give him foods/drinks with red dye in them... I'm sure sugar could affect things, too. I just read this - old but interesting:
https://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,4126,00.html
I have to agree. Diagnosis does not equal medication. It would be better to know NOW, rather than later, so you can try various methods to go about helping him, rather than this possibly having a negative effect on his academics down the line.
To that end, if you wish to have him assessed while you are in Houston, I can recommend an excellent psychiatrist who specializes in this stuff. He is not a "rush to diagnose/medicate" type at all.
Okay, I have no idea what happened--I wrote a response to this last night but it's not here now--Nest gremlins must have eaten it! Grr!
Anyway, I so appreciate all of the feedback. It gave me a lot to think about and helped me make my decision. I totally agree that ADHD is way overdiagnosed, especially at his age. And even if he were diagnosed with it, medication would be an absolute last resort. I've been looking around at alternative/natural approaches to treatment as some of you suggested. (CareBear, thank you for the super nanny link--will definitely check that out.)
And while I tend to agree with the "knowledge is power" adage, here's the issue I'm struggling with the most over getting him evaluated: DH is a huge doctor guy. He will call the doctor at the drop of a hat, even for just a cold. He'll go on medication before trying something natural that would do the same thing. I would even say he's a borderline hypochondriac. Because of this, I'm afraid that if the psychologist makes even the smallest suggestion that there's any kind of problem, DH will go overboard and blow it out of proportion. So my instinct is to wait until Sam is into the routine and schedule of the school year and see how he's doing. I think if he's not showing signs of improvement by Christmas, I'll be more willing to have him evaluated.
Caserko, you mentioned that he's possibly bored and not mentally stimulated enough with it being summer break, and that really hit home. Even though I'm keeping him physically active and occupied, I think he just needs more to keep his brain challenged. (Unfortunately it's too late to get him in a program for this summer, but we're definitely doing it next year.) That might not be the whole of the problem, but it is definitely part of it.
KNJepp, I would love to have the doctor rec. We've already arrived in and left Houston, but if it turns out that there is an issue, we'll need a doctor when we move back. Thank you!
Thanks again everyone, for taking the time to read through and give me your thoughts and suggestions!
My SIL is a lot like your husband so I know a little bit about the emotional roller coaster that could put you guys on. It sounds like you have a timeline, which I think always helps. Good luck to you guys. Sam is a sweet kid and they all get a little insane sometimes.
I bet you'll see major improvement when he gets recentered.
I was thinking about the food comment someone made and then about our lunch at Berryhill. I'm sure, just like you, Sam was eating a lot of things while you were here that you just can't get over there. It was probably a little shock to his system and he may be re-adjusting *physically* and emotionally.