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Parenting
Update on marital issues
so.. I had a long convo with mh about what I need out of this marriage. Explained that I need some type of affection... but don't want it to be forced either. He admitted that he owes me this but was not able to explain really why he hasn't given any in six- seven years/ All he could say is that its due to stress... I also said I am watching him kill himself slowly by him not being compliant with his diabetes. well, he said he is eating better and can only do one step at a time. I asked him if he will begin to test (even ONCE a day) and he very annoyed answered "you are asking too much of me.. I can't change at once" Also that the "new house" will change him..
So, here I am closing on this house in a matter of days.. and honestly my gut is having a not good feeling. He will never take care of himself. I know it.. And the affection. He did hug me goodbye twice last week.. but its a forced feeling and honestly it feels too late for me. I am not sure I can rekindle these feelings again. But what do I do??? We have a child together. Do I stay in a loveless marriage?? Do I just accept this? I mean he isn't beating me, he isn't abusive. Yet, I am soo lonely .
If I don't get the house, I am not sure where I would go either.. the apartment we are in is horrible. Bad neighborhood and so on.. I have a good paying job to afford to rent a house or apt on my own.. but, I am not sure what to do ... I need help 
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Re: Update on marital issues
Maybe a marriage counselor could help you?
If things don't improve though, I don't think you are doing a service to your child to stay with his dad just for him. I've always heard its better to have two happy divorced parents, then two miserable married ones.
My husband has severe depression and anxiety issues. He is on several medications and is being followed by therapists. Last year he went for a physical and his doctor told him if he didn't make changes (exercise, diet, stress relief) he would have a heart attack within 5 years, he was 32. When he got home and told me his response was he didn't even care. I lost it. I told him that if he didn't care for himself, he needed to care for his kids b/c they deserved to have their dad around as long as possible. And if he didn't make changes he might as well leave now b/c I was not going to sit around and watch him kill himself. It worked, he went on a diet and tries so squeeze exercise in. Its not easy but he saw where I was coming from.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
I would definitely look into counseling.
But, to answer your question, I would NOT stay in a loveless marriage. It would be hard, for sure, but in the long run it would be the best thing for everyone involved to go your separate ways.
Good luck.
You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
Well, I think some marriage counseling sessions are in order. I think it can only do you both good. If nothing else, you need to learn how to at least work as a team as parents if you do separate.
Do not stay in a loveless marriage for your child, it will not help them, it will only hurt him in the long run.
Honestly, you know the answer. I don't think you want to accept it. Accept it, own i,t and move on. Get individual counseling. Your daughter deserves to see at least one parent happy.
A house changes NOTHING. I own a house. I'm not any happier today than I was 7 years ago before I owned. I enjoy my house and what we've done to it, but as a person I'm no different than when we lived in our 800 sq ft apartment. DH and I have had may conversations about this. If your DH is looking outward for blame and things for happiness, nothing will ever change. Frankly, a house is a TON of stress. Mortgage, bills, yard, emergency repairs, taxes, insurance...... He'll have a new excuse in the house.
Christmas 2011
I disagree.
You picked him. You procreated with him. He's not evil to you. You created a family with him. So he's not the dashing sexual superstar of your dreams. Nice reason to break up your kid's home.
Selfish.
veloelle- Boy are you right on that one. He is already all stressed out over money, the kitchen etc.. I said to him " I thought this was supposed to be a good thing?" Not to mention that we are already fighting over every little thing. His parents (dad who is very controlling) coming and doing work to the house, staying with us , etc.. just little things we are not agreeing on that I can already see being a huge fight in the longrun..
and with the diabetes// I have been asking him since I met him to take care of himself.. 7 years later he still doesnt test his blood. He supposedly senses what it is.. W/E.. that makes no sense. Its not fair.
Yes. You should be civil and friendly and try to stop fighting. I'm assuming your kid is less than 8 years old? He wasn't monitoring his diabetes when you had a kid with him. Why should you take your kid's father away because that same man still isn't monitoring his diabetes?
I am not saying she should/should not leave her husband, but I will say that I think some things change after you have kids. I have noticed that things I "put up" with before bother me WAY more after having kids. So, I can see how her husband not monitoring his diabetes before kids was not as big of a deal as it is to her now. Again, not a reason to split up, but just something to think about. I see this type of things with some of my friends who have yet to have kids. I think things that are "ok" with them now, are so NOT going to be ok once kids are involved.
Mostly, I am bringing this up kind of as a separate thought and not as an answer as to what she should do. I really don't think any of us can tell OP what to do.......she needs a counselor and to decide for herself what is best for her family.
I think your comments are moronic. If he's not compliant with his diabetes monitoring, he might die young. The downside to that would be.... ? Some day, maybe sooner than if he was compliant, depriving her of her husband and depriving her son of his dad. So she's going to divorce him and live separately because he doesn't test his blood sugar? Well, that'll lead to.... depriving her of her husband immediately and depriving her son of his dad on a regular basis immediately. So then she gets to have sex with other men. While her son has no dad in the picture. Nice.
But on the same token... Once you have children, your instinct to protect them kicks in overdrive. She has a husband who has diabetes, he is not taking care of himself, wife tries valiantly to GET him to take care of himself, for the family. He refuses, At some point, combined with everything else, she feels defeated, and as though the husband doesnt care.
At what point, are you so miserable and unable to find a way to make it work that it IS the best thing for the child to separate? The child sees the misery, FEELS it and inevitably becomes negatively affected by it.
I guess I wasn't speaking about the diabetes specifically. Moreso, I was saying that I can see how some things that someone put up with before kids, becomes more of a big deal after having kids. I just totally get that and see how things matter much MORE after kids. I can see how she would feel even more frustrated at the situation since having a child with him.....now it is impacting their child and the child may not have a father....whereas before if he wanted to be irresponsible with his diabetes care, a child was not involved.
Again, I really am not specifically talking about OP's diabetes and what she should or should not do. I am moreso saying I understand that even if he did these same things "before", it infuriates her more now after having children.
Once you have children, you become MUCH more in tune with the things that make them happy/safe/etc.. I can see how the diabetes issue would be annoying (IF he even knew about it then, we are assuming he did, he may not have) before the baby came, but then after, its like "OMG, you EFFING IDIOT how could you not take care of your self for your CHILD?" Whereas before it was probably like "Well, it sure would be nice if you tested your blood sugars once in a while" IDK
It sounds to me like you are trying to justify a decision you have already made.
You have one foot out the door already.
Having said this, I actually tend to agree with gibs.
Well, the OP sounds like a whiny brat to me. She's getting a new house. The only thing she's given a concrete example about, that I've seen, is that he doesn't test his blood sugar but he has started eating better, and he isn't affectionate enough, but he hugged her goodbye a few times this week. I just think she sounds like a whiny selfish brat. And if she goes and finds someone totally sexy and cool, maybe he'll drink or smoke or have high cholesterol, and maybe that's just as bad as the diabetes.
Whatever. Not my life.
wow...I am agreeing here.....I'm watching a divorce right now happen because "I'm not happy"....
you know, there are stages to marriage, like everything, and I am sure there will be a time where things aren't all puppies and rainbows, but I hope that DH sticks through it because I'm committed, and we figure out how to bring the rainbows back together.....
THere are a few reasons that I would divorce, no questions asked...but not because my husband isn't taking care of himself or because the romantic feelings seem gone......for sickness or health, better or worse....if my DH started not taking care of himself, then I'd figure out ways without nagging to help.
Do you cook any of the meals??? Prepare healthy meals, don't keep sweets in the house. I know that doesn't help for when he is out of the house...but it would make ME feel better about it. I can't control HIS actions afterwards.
I don't know....maybe I can put up with more than other people...but I can't imagine divorcing just because...I can't imagine life would be THAT much better seperated.......
Mel, YES...that is totally what I am referring too...that "instinct". Also, she is saying she is in a "loveless" marriage. I am assuming she loved him when they got married, so at some point, something changed.
I don't think she should leave OR stay. I honestly can't form an opinion based off of internet posts. But I am saying I don't necessarily think she should stay just because he was always like that. I still think she needs a counselor and/or some type of marriage therapy.
dudes, SERIOUSLY.
She's a bad example of a marriage potentially ending because a) she's completely irrational, b) she's just a weird AW who likes negative attention, c) she thinks she had RABIES, and d) she's a troll.
Disney - take this advice - this dude is probably the only one who can put up with your f*ckery. I mean, he's stuck around this long. Think about that. It's not like your're exactly the picture of health (mental or otherwise).
I'm guessing if someone's not been happy in their marriage for 7-8 years, and has made several attempts to communicate with their spouse about it, to no avail, we're not talking your average ups & downs.
I do believe there are times when kids can thrive having divorced parents; my BFF and her husband divorced after 11 years of trying to make it work. Their 2 daughters are absolutely thriving right now, seeing their mother happy, more together & successful, and in a new, healthy relationship. She's a far better role model for her girls having taken charge of her life rather than having stayed in a loveless marriage. IMO.
Disney, I'm not saying that you'll be better off divorcing your DH; I think this is something to really work through with professional help (I know you've got a therapist already, right? You've got to talk about this). But, as committed as I am to MY marriage, I don't believe all of this "you're a horrible person if you don't stay in a loveless marriage b/c you'll be ruining your kids' lives if you and your husband divorce" mindset.
I hope you find a solution that brings you happiness & a sense of peace.
This is perfect!
I'm curious. How much affection do you show your DH? I just find it hard to believe that if you initiated a hug or kiss, that he would just sit there unresponsive. It sort of sounds like you expect him to initiate all contact....like by saying he did hug me goodbye twice lsat week. What about you hugging him goodbye? I have found in my marriage when things seem to be less than romantic or whatever, that I can spice things up by simply being more affectionate or initiating things more on my end.
As for the not watching his diabetes, I agree that maybe you need to try to be more supportive, like buy a low glycemic cook book and try a few new recipes or initiate family exercise by taking walks, which can also give you quality time together.
I'm not trying to be snarky or anything, it just sounds like you are listing all of his faults or what you don't like about your marriage but not really supporting it with what you have tried to do to change it besides just telling him what you find wrong.
Good luck with what you decide, I hope it works out for you.
elcaires gets a gold star as this was the best answer
I've said this before, but I will say it again. Find a counselor that works with people with diabetes or other chronic diseases. Give it a shot at least. When you have a chronic disease, it impacts every part of your life.
And FWIW -- if your husband says he can "sense" what his blood sugar is, he is full of sh!t. And testing your blood sugar is not difficult.