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jess932211
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Best way to help him...
jess932211
member
A little background information first. I am 27 weeks now and just got married to my marine this weekend. He came home on leave and left the next day. He is set to deploy anytime after august. I'm due september 20th. He is terrified that his son wont know who he is when he gets home. What is the best way to help him cope with this fear? He is stationed at MCAS Beaufort while I'm home in NY. Any advice? I was thinking about doing a daily daddy blog for when he is deployed with pictures and updates from that day but that wont help our son to know his father. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Re: Best way to help him...
Congrats on your marriage!
My DH left for training when I was about 20 weeks pregnant. We saw each other two times in the next 3 months. He deployed when I was about 32 weeks along. He came home for R&R when LO was 2 months old and redeployed when LO was 9 months old. So, I totally understand where you are coming from.
IMO, as long as your baby is well cared for and loved while his daddy is deployed during the first months of his life, he won't know that his daddy is gone (in a positive way). When they are that little, from my experience, they do know those who care for them, because they sound, smell and feel familiar. . .BUT, by lovingly caring for your son, you will set the stage for him to be able, ready and willing to welcome his daddy when he returns.
When my DH came home, LO went right to him. Three things played into that. My LO is a very social, engaging and outgoing child. He will go to just about anybody. He also saw me reacting positively towards DH. He saw me hug and kiss him. Babies at that age take cues from their caregivers. Lastly, LO has been loved, supported and show that he can trust those around him.
I did not do a blog. . . though, I think it is a good idea. Something to consider is that you not commit to blogging something substantial every day. The first months of a baby's life are an awful lot like the movie "Ground Hogs Day". . . Posting pictures as often as you can is great, but on top of being a new mom, don't make yourself crazy trying to make life at home sound interesting.
) Also, remember to send actual pictures. Being able to hold and carry around pictures of you and his son will mean a lot to him (and they are easier to show-off to his buddies).
While I wish that my DH had been home, IMO, this past deployment was likely the easiest that we will endure as a family. I am dreading if/when DH has to deploy and LO is older.
There are a number of us who are or were in this situation. Know that you are not alone.
Congrats on your marriage! That's really exciting :-)
I'm also a member of the "daddy deploys around the due date" club- I hadn't thought about a blog- that might be a pretty good idea, especially because LO and I are at least 12 hours from anyone we're related to. One thing DH and I have decided on is SKYPE. Luckily, he will be at a base that should have pretty consistent net connection. He has also asked that once a month I send a CD of pictures for all the things LO has been up to- being it things she's learned or just places she and I have been. He said he thinks it will make him feel like a bigger part of her life. Another thing we have discussed if we can make the timing work is getting a few books that she and I like to read and typing up the text for him so that either on the phone or via skype he can read them to her as well. Goodnight Moon has always been one of my favorites, so that's one we're going to try.
Those are our thoughts so far- if you come up with anything else please let me know!
I haven't been in your situation, but I have two suggestions based on friends of mine who have been there:
1. Similar to what PP said, tape record YH reading a couple of different stories (you can also use Audacity, a free computer program to do this) and play one each night before you put your LO to bed. That way your LO will get to know YH's voice. Like PP said, Skype is great for this too.
2. Before YH leaves have him snuggle with a couple of your LO's blankets, like when he's watching TV for even sleep with the blankets in the bed. Then, put them in sealed plastic bags until your LO arrives. Put a blanket in LO's crib once in a while so he will get to know YH's scent a little.
GL and hang in there!!
Hi. My H left for a deployment when #4 was about a week old. He, too, was afraid his son wouldn't know him.
There are so many things you can do to help your son know his dad. My kids and I always look at J's pics before we go to bed. We say goodnight to Daddy and then say our prayers. We watch home videos with Daddy in them. We take at least one picture every day and email it to him. J's unit isn't allowed to use Skype overseas, but many units are. Y'all can try to Skype or use another video chat so he can talk to his baby and baby can see and hear his daddy.
When J came home, B-boy was still a little shy towards his dad, but he warmed up to him rather quickly.
You've gotten some good tips so far but wanted to add one that has been a LIFESAVER for us!
A DADDY DOLL!
Visit www.hugahero.com (linkie in new window) and you can get a little stuffed Daddy for LO to snuggle. If you order it now, DH could sleep with it next to him and it will pick up his scent, put it in a plastic bag, and put in next to baby. Getting a Daddy Doll was the best thing we ever did...our boys love them to pieces, literally!
I know its probably already been mentioned, but the DADDY DOLLS are amazing!! They also have baby security blankets that you can put a big picture of your hubby's face on, I just recieved mine in the mail and can't wait to give it to my baby when she arrives
I plan on using that, and putting up LOTS of pictures of her Dad and pointing to them while saying "Daddy" in hopes she will make the connection!! Between training and deployment he will be gone the remainder or pregnancy, for her birth and whole first year (we havent heard of any R&R yet) so I have to do what it takes to start that bond!!
As for the Daddy Dolls, I ordered those too and gave them to my stepkids... they love them!! I'm not sure how happy their mom is to have dolls with Daddy on them around the house haha... but its for the kids.