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3rd Trimester
h2babe
member
How soon will your IL's coming to visit after the baby?
h2babe
member
My side of the family is about 10 hrs away from where we live. I am due on July 11, and since my mom is flying--she's scheduled to fly in to see me on July 23 (I figured that I'd be 42 weeks by then, so the baby would have to be out) and she'll be here for a week. The weekend after, my sister and her fiancee are coming (also flying).
After those two visitors, I feel like I need a breaks from family visiting--but now IL's are asking when they can come and visit. Plus, I am not sure how helpful they will be when they're here, since they're older and have a hard time getting around. If anything, I feel like I would have to host them and they would be more of a burden etc... so I was thinking to push them off by 2-3 weeks. WDYT?
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Re: How soon will your IL's coming to visit after the baby?
I'm due Aug 19, my MIL is planning on visiting sometime in September. She is deaf/blind and will be staying with my SIL so it won't be too much of an issue.
My own family won't be coming - we are planning on a Thanksgiving visit as they are in TX.
honestly if I have my way, ILs will not come for WEEKS. because I do not want to deal with them.
I am sure they will end up here about 2 weeks after I deliver though. NO need for them to be here before that.
I am not playing favorites, I let my mom and sister come first because I don't need to host them (they can actually help me) plus they need to schedule their vacations with work & purchase their tickets ahead of time or it would cost too much money, while DH's parents are both retired & don't need to fly in to come for a visit--so their schedules are a little bit more flexible.
This exactly. It is their grandchild just as much as it is your parents' grandchild, you cant really play favorites, especially if you are having your sister visit before then. I'd go ahead and let them come the following weekend, but make sure they're aware you will not be playing hostess
I think it's reasonable to push it off for a week or two. It's not like the baby will be all grown up by then, but it gives you some breathing room, and as my sister told me, at some point you'll want to be left alone to try things out on your own and get into a groove. My ILs aren't coming until November, and I'm due Sept 19th. My sister is coming for the birth, and my mom will be here for a few weeks after. Then hopefully a short break, then the ILs. My dad is going to fit in there somewhere because he is the closest geographically (everyone else is like 2,000 miles away), although frankly I'd prefer if he waited awhile. I think in the first couple weeks I'm just going to want my mom and sister -- I know they'll be the most helpful and I think I'm going to be a mess, and I will just be worse if I feel like I'm having to play hostess, which I will with the ILs and even with my dad and stepmom. Also, my ILs don't have a clue about newborns. They adopted both DH and his sister when they were older than 6 months, and his sister doesn't have kids either. MIL has already said things to me that I know aren't true for newborns but are for older infants, and I really don't want to have her trying to give me misguided advice I'm already feeling fragile and irritable. Our parents are divorced which makes timing everyone harder. Luckily his mom and his dad understand that I probably just want to be with my mom and sister during that initial recovery period and told me not to worry about it, they'll come when asked. While the baby is the focus, I think it's totally reasonable to want to be around the people you are most comfortable with or to just be by yourselves while your body heals over the first few weeks. Talk to your DH and see what he thinks.
I understand that in your mind you aren't playing favorites, but I'm sure that to your in laws it's going to look differently. I would suggest just letting them come as soon as they want and be done with it.
It might not be a bad thing if your mom and sister are there when the ILs are there too to help keep them "entertained".
Yep, totally get this one. I had to fight off my mom from wanting to be in the delivery room with me, and then for her to want to come and stay for 2 weeks... and I also had to tell my mom and sister that I wasn't hosting and they can't throw any tantrums/dramas.
Normally, I do EVERYTHING when they come and visit-I entertain and cook the whole time I have visitors.
yup!! they want us to call them when i go into labour. They live 4 hours away by car and they are now talking about bringing thier trailor down for a week..(but it would be parked half hour away as they can't park an RV around where i live) .But I am DEAD against that anyways, i was hoping, since they are cheap that they would stay in a hotel for 2 nights.
but some of the other posters are right, we can't play favorites, it would almost be better to get it over with sooner then later.. while we're still on that high of just having a baby.
The hotel thing may be an idea that I can suggest to DH and see what he thinks.
With my own family, I can tell them to go away for a few minutes and they won't take it as personally if I need some space. But with IL's, I feel like it's a little bit different. For example, MIL talks non-stop when we visit w/ them, literally non-stop (and the stories repeat after about a couple of hours). Nobody can talk except her. If it were my sister, I would have asked her to give me some breathing room, and she'd stop. I am not as comfortable telling MIL that.
Hey--due date buddy!
My mom is also flying to visit me (9 hour flight) hopefully right after baby arrives. She is coming to help for a couple of weeks following the birth. She hasn't booked her tickets yet, which seems nuts to me, but she wants to "time it just right" so whatever.
My in-laws have booked tickets to come visit at the very end of August. We live internationally, so that gives us quite a bit of distance. I am glad they've spaced it out a bit though, as I do feel like I will have to play host to my in-laws a little more. I am not sure how much they will expect to be entertained or catered to. I am kind of worried about it--even if worse case scenario that will be 4 weeks after the birth.
My inlaws decided two week ago that they think it's a super idea to rent the house next to ours. So without asking our opinion at all they went ahead and signed on the dotted line and will be our next door neighbors in a matter of weeks. They will be watching our dog when we go in labor and I'll probably see them when we get back from the hospital and probably every waking minute after that.
DH's mom will be flying in from out of town for the birth and probably staying with us to "help out". My parents live 13 hours away and my Dad will fly out once DH's mom leaves. But my Mom won't see LO for almost 3 months until Christmas. I'm pretty peeved about DH's side telling me when they would visit instead of asking first. If I could push them off for a few weeks I totally would.
Yes, I am afraid that this will be me. I already had a couple of melt-downs from my mom wanting to be in the delivery room. She tried to play the guilt-trip on me since this is the first grandchild, and I am the baby in the family--and how I'm not capable of caring for this baby without her help since I didn't really grow up around kids.
Wow!
Good luck w/ this. At least they offered to help you w/ the dog. Mine hates our dog (she was mine), and MIL keeps on asking me whenever she sees the dog if she sleeps outside or inside.
my MIL who lives across the country has already booked her flight and hotel room to be here for the delivery. She will stay a full week. At first I just wanted just my parents to be here for the delivery and MIL to come later once I have recovered and gotten settled, but DH insists that she be apart of the festivities. I cant deny him or her that so, I will stop being selfish, suck it up and deal with it. It's her first grand and because she lives so far, she hasnt had anything to do with the pregnancy -- she hasnt even seen me pregnant.
My advice to you would be to suck it up and let you IL's do their thing. They are excited and want to be there too. They'll be gone soon enough.
No sooner than two weeks. They are well-meaning, but grate on my nerves. I can't handle healing myself, doing all the new parent stuff, and dealing with them at once. Need some time to settle into the new "normal."
My mom will come soon after the birth though, but she's my mommy and will be able to take care of me in a way that DH just won't be able to those first few days.
My husband's parents are divorced, his dad is pretty much easy going like him, but his mother is a talkaholic!!! With our 1st baby she HAD to be there when I was put in to be induced and stayed pretty much until visiting hours were over! And came EVERDAY until I had my baby! Which from a tuesday evening to thursday after lunch! Then when we finally get to come home she is there like the very next week...which was only like 2 days after the fact that we get out of the hospital! I had a c-section so I really didn't feel like company, not to mention I tried breastfeeding and there she is watching....I hated that b/c I am really self concious. This time around I hate to say it...but THANK GOD she won't be here when this baby is born b/c she lives hours away and won't be able to take off work being she started a new job. So she won't be here until the next week!:) So I will get a little break before she comes ,YAY!
Too all that are playing the "only fair" card, I say this is one time where you can throw all those rules out the window. As new mothers we have a job to do...taking care of the little one. I think we have the right to so whatever we need to do during that time. Period. If ILs (or our own parents) drive us crazy, then no need to subject ourselves. Not forever, of course, but if you need a few weeks, take a few weeks and don't feel guilty. If it does end up looking lopsided to one family, then after things settle down you can figure out the right gesture that will appease the "offended" party to make things right again.
But this is a time you get a pass, so take it.
I am so glad I don't have family or IL's who live far enough away that they would have to come stay with us. My IL's live a half hour away and my parents are ten minutes away. So they will likely come to the hospital and maybe for a short few hour visit when we get home.
I think that you should do what feels most comfortable for you. It's going to be a big adjustment and I think most people are usually understanding of that.
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