s/o surrogate for family, what about for a stranger?

SweetPeanis · July 2010

Would you do it for a stranger?

robinsokj · July 2010

Probably not, but a huge check might change my mind

SweetPeanis · July 2010

No way I could do it for someone I didn't know. To me it would feel like putting my own child up for adoption, even though it wasn't my eggs or DH's sperm they were using.

At least with family I would know the child would be part of my family and part of my life.

mrsadamc 05 · July 2010

robinsokj:
Probably not, but a huge check might change my mind

That's what I was thinking.

Schwandy · July 2010

I think I probably would. I have a friend who was a surrogate twice for two different families and one of them was a family she didn't know who lived in Norway.

She ended up bonding with them (and their twins) and still keeps in touch and visits them.

heather_09_15_07 · July 2010

No, and for the same reason.

akalutts · July 2010

There are two couples IRL I would do it for. I'm not sure about a stranger. For certain ladies on this board, I would do it in a heartbeat.

jCamsquared · July 2010

I don't know in this case either haha. I have never put a lot of thought into it, only enough to realize that I have pros and cons that would take a while for me to sort out.

JenniferJaneC · July 2010

***SweetPea***:
No way I could do it for someone I didn't know. To me it would feel like putting my own child up for adoption, even though it wasn't my eggs or DH's sperm they were using.

At least with family I would know the child would be part of my family and part of my life.

Totally how I would feel. A family or a friend would be one thing; a stranger who I'd never see again, I'd have a very hard time.

FrauKlein · July 2010

mrsadamc 05:

robinsokj:
Probably not, but a huge check might change my mind

That's what I was thinking.

I know this is the reality for most people, but it still makes me sad to hear it. I know it's asking A LOT of anyone to do, but I wish that there were more people willing to surrogate with the understanding that many women who can't carry babies may have already run through quite a lot of money trying to conceive and/or carry a baby already.

magdalina.h · July 2010

Nope

FrauKlein · July 2010

mrsadamc 05:

robinsokj:
Probably not, but a huge check might change my mind

That's what I was thinking.

I know this is the reality for most people, but it still makes me sad to hear it. I know it's asking A LOT of anyone to do, but I wish that there were more people willing to surrogate with the understanding that many women who can't carry babies may have already run through quite a lot of money trying to conceive and/or carry a baby.

ETA: that was supposed to be sad face, and sorry for the double post. stoopid bump.

robinsokj · July 2010

FrauKlein:
mrsadamc 05:

robinsokj:
Probably not, but a huge check might change my mind

That's what I was thinking.

I know this is the reality for most people, but it still makes me sad to hear it. I know it's asking A LOT of anyone to do, but I wish that there were more people willing to surrogate with the understanding that many women who can't carry babies may have already run through quite a lot of money trying to conceive and/or carry a baby.
ETA: that was supposed to be sad face, and sorry for the double post. stoopid bump.

I know it sounds bad, but I don't think I would be able to at all. But, if some super rich person wanted me to (not that it would ever happen) and they offered a crazy high amount of money, it might sway my decision.

I'd be ok with donating eggs I think

joanithegreat · July 2010

I don't think I could do it for a stranger. I would consider it for some of the ladies on the board here. If I did ever do it, I wouldn't feel comfortable being paid.

ginifred · July 2010

My SIL and BIL (DH's brother) have been TTC for the better part of 9 years with no sucess. I would be a surrogate for them in a heart beat.

I couldn't do it for a stranger though.

weelass24 · July 2010

Yes. I've always said that if my body could do well with pregnancy, I would do it when I was done having kids. Based on Oisin's pregnancy, it would be tough to say yes, but I'd seriously consider it if things get easier the next time around.

mrsadamc 05 · July 2010

FrauKlein:
mrsadamc 05:

robinsokj:
Probably not, but a huge check might change my mind

That's what I was thinking.

I know this is the reality for most people, but it still makes me sad to hear it. I know it's asking A LOT of anyone to do, but I wish that there were more people willing to surrogate with the understanding that many women who can't carry babies may have already run through quite a lot of money trying to conceive and/or carry a baby already.

My issue with a stranger would be that I wouldn't (necessarily) be able to see the baby in the future. And pregnancy isn't easy, if I'm not going to be keeping the baby or seeing the baby often I would want some type of compensation. I wouldn't need a huge check, just one that would cover the cost of things like time off work for appointments, mat. clothes, etc.

BeerFlu · July 2010

I would be more inclined to do it for a stranger than family, I think. Easier to disassociate myself, you know?

FrauKlein · July 2010

mrsadamc 05:
My issue with a stranger would be that I wouldn't (necessarily) be able to see the baby in the future. And pregnancy isn't easy, if I'm not going to be keeping the baby or seeing the baby often I would want some type of compensation. I wouldn't need a huge check, just one that would cover the cost of things like time off work for appointments, mat. clothes, etc.

Well, this isn't for me to judge. Obviously. But to me - this doesn't sound like a huge check request. These would be reasonable expenses. I'm talking more about the people who want cost of living, etc, PLUS a huge check.

BeerFlu · July 2010

I feel like I should add, after reading the other replies, that I think I would feel momma bearish over the baby if I did it for family. Like, okay, your baby biologically, but I grew her, so um, no spanking her. Or whatever. That even though logically I know it's not MY kid, I would feel emotionally like I had some say in how she was raised.

I think it would be better for everyone involved if I didn't see the child often, in hopes that it would really sink in, if you will, that the kid is theirs to raise as they choose.

If that makes sense at all.

angiegail78 · July 2010

FrauKlein:
Well, this isn't for me to judge. Obviously. But to me - this doesn't sound like a huge check request. These would be reasonable expenses. I'm talking more about the people who want cost of living, etc, PLUS a huge check.

The whole getting money aspect is kind of squicky to me, too. Essentially, it's selling your body. (Or renting it, I guess.)

mrsadamc 05 · July 2010

FrauKlein:
mrsadamc 05:
My issue with a stranger would be that I wouldn't (necessarily) be able to see the baby in the future. And pregnancy isn't easy, if I'm not going to be keeping the baby or seeing the baby often I would want some type of compensation. I wouldn't need a huge check, just one that would cover the cost of things like time off work for appointments, mat. clothes, etc.

Well, this isn't for me to judge. Obviously. But to me - this doesn't sound like a huge check request. These would be reasonable expenses. I'm talking more about the people who want cost of living, etc, PLUS a huge check.

I would only want a cost of living check if I was unable to work due to complications or whatnot.

FrauKlein · July 2010

My mom has offered. And so have a few of my friends. I think it's an amazing thing that people would do that for us. Unfortunately, the issue is the conception first and foremost. We may not ever know if there would be a need for a surrogate to carry.

Mama_SAS · July 2010

FrauKlein:
mrsadamc 05:

robinsokj:
Probably not, but a huge check might change my mind
That's what I was thinking.
I know this is the reality for most people, but it still makes me sad to hear it. I know it's asking A LOT of anyone to do, but I wish that there were more people willing to surrogate with the understanding that many women who can't carry babies may have already run through quite a lot of money trying to conceive and/or carry a baby already.

I looked into it once and not very thoroughly, but from what I remember it costs about $20,000 for the procedure and medical expenses during pregnancy. That is without paying the surrogate anything extra.

To answer the question I don't think I could do it at all, for purely selfish reasons. It took me nearly 4 years to decide to have another baby for myself because the thought of weaning off my meds was so daunting. The actuality of weaning of my meds was extremely painful and I can't imagine going through that pain again for a stranger. I'm not sure if I could go through that for a loved one.

leslie13510 · July 2010

*Maybe* if I actually somewhat enjoyed being pregnant. I'm still not 100% sure that I want to be pregnant again for DH and I, so I don't think I could ever be a surrogate for anyone. Not that anyone would WANT me to be a surrogate for them with my cervical issues anyway.

I would maybe consider donating eggs or something, but I just couldn't be pregnant for another 9 months for a baby that's not mine.

Ashleyyyyy · July 2010

I would probably be a surrogate or at least donate eggs.

WaitingOnTwoPinkLines · July 2010

I think I would want to at least have updates on how the child is doing, kind of like an open adoption. But carry a child, then never see it again? I don't think I could.

If I were to ever do egg donation, I think I would want the same.

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