Worried about mental health after baby. please help.
I am 36 weeks with my first child, and the doctor says it will be another 2 or three weeks based on dilation and effacement. I am very excited to meet my little girl, but i am very scared of myself.
Anxiety and depression run in my family, i have been on anti-depressants for some time now for both. I have a history of drug and alcohol abuse, but i have two years sober, and life got much better when that happened, i am forever grateful. I had been diagnosed bipolar before i got sober, and was later taken of any bipolar or addictive benzodiazepens, i only take Zoloft.
Since i have been pregnant, my mental health and stabilty have gone out the window. Sometimes i don't even realize how insane i am acting. Its like i am watching a movie of myself being a horrible mean crybaby, and i can't turn it off. My pregnancy has been anything but enjoyable. I lost a job and am involved in a lawsuit for pregnancy discrimination, my house is falling apart, and my landlords told us if we ask for repairs, they will kick us out, i have no money. Not even a dollar saved. My fiance quit his job, and his family will not help him, so guess who uses there unemployment money to help him? (ME).
My parents love me and are paying my rent right now, and trying to help us find a new place. The fiance is still not working, not loking for work, and his family is beyond negative. I clean the house, beg or help with dishes or laundry and it takes about 5 days to take the trash out for him. I have been a sick physical and emotional mess . I am starting to feel bad and resentful at my baby. She will hate us, i can't even take care of anything myself, i know my parents probably want me to drop dead because i have been such a train wreck for years. Today was the first time i have actually thought about wanting to hurt myself after the baby comes out. All i do in cost people money, and i't get on track for myself. Also, i have gotten stretch marks and am not as cute as i was before, so i cant even work with that. Whats the point anymore? Im so scared about how much worse this will be when baby comes out, or will i be relieved and feel better physically?
Re: Worried about mental health after baby. please help.
I was just lurking here this evening as I was hoping to find some tips RE PPD, since I have an anxiety disorder.
Anyways, first of all, I would like to encourage you to get help as well. I am not sure if you are in a financial place to pay for counseling, but I really think it might be worth trying to make it work.
Also, I wanted to say that you DO have a reason to be upset about your situation. Your FI does not seem to be helping your situation AT ALL. You should be upset. HOWEVER, please, please, please, do not allow yourself or this baby to be blamed for the situation you are in. He quit his job. Shame on him. He will not help out around the house. Shame on him. He needs to be a man, and unfortunately he is not. From what you described...he is sort of being a dead beat dad. I am sure your self esteem is in the crapper, but you do deserve better. You are making an effort and he is not. You are pregnant, with hormones raging, and have a medical history of mental health issues and he does not (assuming).
Honestly, I would really reconsider your relationship status. Is he hurting you more than he is helping you? You deserve someone that is going to encourage you and stand by you when you are low, not contribute to your problems and stresses.
Good luck dear, and PM me if you need to chat. I am not certain I will be here that often.
Food Allergies to Eggs, Milk, Peanuts, Tree Nuts & Beef
Challenged Soy and tolerated it.