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A rant RE babywise/EASY etc.
First I would like to say that I have read most of baby wise and a lot of the baby whisperer stuff and so I get their reasons behind their methods. Also this isn't an attack on them as I have been doing an EASY routine for the last 4 months. It is my own internal struggle spewed out in words.
James has been the perfect napper. At nap time you put in a paci, put him in his crib and he's out. Eli, on the other hand, has ALWAYS been my problem child when it comes to sleep. For the past 4 months I have been doing an EASY routine and twice a day dear Eli cries himself to sleep. I am not a fan of letting babies CIO but I found that he cries himself to sleep in my arms or or in the crib either way so usually I will put him in the crib and stay with him until he is almost asleep. But honestly this has been going on for 4 months and he hasn't learned to go to sleep on his own without crying. Sometimes it is for a few minutes sometimes longer. Today he cried for almost an hour. I picked him and he would not stop crying. Finally I nursed him and his whole body relaxed and he fell asleep. (I don't normally give in and pick him up or nurse him - so it isn't that I'm being inconsistent I just couldn't help it today)
- ETA for clarity sake, he normally doesn't cry for an hour so when I said I don't normally give in or pick him up it is usually only for a few minutes, I don't normally let him cry for hours on end and when I say 4 months we've tried several things over the past 4 months not just putting him in his crib, that has been over the last month or so. I wasn't letting my 2 month old CIO in his crib. I mean 4 months of trying to get him to nap without nursing him to sleep-
So alas, my rant: What is the huge hype of this whole don't nurse your baby to sleep deal. I was nursed to sleep and turned out great. My mom survived and has had a happy life. The boob is naturally comforting and milk naturally puts a baby to sleep. It seems like this perfect design and yet, we go and screw it up and have to do things our own way and reverse everything that seems natural. Why? I mean if we they're supposed to eat then be awake why does milk make babies so sleepy, you'd think it would be caffeinated or something. Is EASY really better? Why can't I just nurse my babies to sleep like the majority of the world. Sigh. Thanks for listening to my rant. I am just so tired of hearing my baby cry.
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Re: A rant RE babywise/EASY etc.
Hmm -- I'm just going to say you are definatly on the border for the very earliy beginnings of CIO....and if your babies were early you should do it on adjusted ages.
With that said -- before 7 months (6 months adjusted for us) we did whatever it took to get them to sleep. Swings, bouncies, car rides, snuggles, swaddles, etc....at this age IMO it's more important for them to get the rest then it is to concentrate on how it happens.....
i followed babywise with all 3 of my children. I would never have let them cry for an hour --- crying that long = something is wrong. BW and EASY are also not CIO methods - if you got that from the book- you read them wrong. CIO should not be done that early.
Sure- some fussing might happen... Gibby cried for 3 minutes before EVERY nap for many months - always 3 minutes, every time - that was his thing. He'd cry if i was holding him or not- and then fall asleep. If he was crying for more than 10 minutes I would have figured something was wrong - ie) he was hungry, hurting, etc.
obviously your son is either hungry- or EASY/BW simply doesn't work for him---- but to say that we go and "screw it up and throw out all that seems natrual" is a bit extreme --- just b/c it isn't working for you doesn't mean it hasn't worked for MANY (in fact- hundreds of thousands if not millions). You aren't doing it correct either - b/c neither BW or EASY would suggest having a baby CIO for an hour to be acceptable.... so please don't go trashing these methods, that many of us on here credit our children being great sleepers/eaters/happy babies for.
Your children are still quite young- esp if they were born early.... things will change daily for them- food needs, etc --- so you can't get bent out of shape over every little thing- you have to go with the flow, try new things- find what works. If nursing to sleep works for you- go for it.... but for many of us - having our children learn to fall asleep without a crutch has worked great. all 3 of my boys STTN at 8w, are great nappers (still) and eaters. I don't feel that it's pure luck since it happened the same with all 3... I do credit BW for it. And I never let them CIO until they were 6m+ and that was on a rare occasion... and done in 5/10/15 minute intervals - never an hour.
Ours were 37 weeks 4 days so I haven't really done adjusted age for anything. But honestly, Eli just doesn't want to sleep during the day ever. Once he's asleep he stays asleep, but getting him to sleep is a chore every day. Some days it gets better and I think we've figured it out but then there are days like today. In the past we'd use the swing and bouncies but those don't work anymore. He'll fall asleep in the car but usually after crying in the car first. If I try to rock him or just hold him he struggles because he wants to get down but if I put him down he cries because he is tired and cranky. Hence the crying in his crib.
Ours were 37 weeks 4 days so I haven't really done adjusted age for anything. But honestly, Eli just doesn't want to sleep during the day ever. Once he's asleep he stays asleep, but getting him to sleep is a chore every day. Some days it gets better and I think we've figured it out but then there are days like today. In the past we'd use the swing and bouncies but those don't work anymore. He'll fall asleep in the car but usually after crying in the car first. If I try to rock him or just hold him he struggles because he wants to get down but if I put him down he cries because he is tired and cranky. Hence the crying in his crib.
I will clarify that usually he doesn't cry for that long. This was just a really frustrating day. I did pick him up before an hour, certainly, just didn't feed him until he'd been crying for an hour. He also had just eaten 2 hours ago a nice big meal and when I fed him he only nursed for a couple minutes and fell right to sleep - so I don't think he was hungry just needed comfort. But the comfort that I tried to give him when I picked him up and rocked/held him/sang to him wasn't enough, he just wanted the boob. So that is what I'm talking about. I've read so many things on not nursing your baby to sleep that it took me an hour to just freaking give my baby what he needed. That is my rant. I need to stop reading books. Don't mean to trash what worked for you, I'm just trying to figure out what works for me. I'm a frustrated/sad/beating myself up MoM here not a mean mom trying to make people mad.
That's how I see it, too. I learned a lot from HSHHC and took a little from the Baby Whisperer an Babywise too, but just the parts that worked for us.
Carson does the same thing every night! I mean we could have the same baby!;) seriously though, just like you said no matter where I hold him, rock him, sing to him, he just wants to fight sleep. I tried nursing to sleep and that worked about two days. shoot, I even added an extra feeding to him to make sure he wasn't hungry. Didn't work. I thought maybe cluster feeding to STTN. Nope didn't work either. Finally after talking to my pedi we came to the conclusion, Carson is a fighter. He wants to play. I'm really hoping this will pass.
But I'm glad I'm not the only mom out there dreading bed times.
The two books are Babywise and The Baby Whisperer. Personally I liked the Baby Whisperer better. But as per my rant - keep your instinct too.
I also have two little boys, just a little bit older than yours. One gives me more trouble at nap or bed time too.
For my first 2 singletons, I nursed on demand and didn't really follow a schedule. I nursed to sleep all the time. I am not a real structered person (even though I have an engineering degree, ha ha) and it just felt right to me. After seeing how many people on this board used EASY for their twins, I started loosely following it around 3 months. Prior to that, I was just surviving, honestly. I needed the boys on a schedule so I could give my girls attention too, so I gave it a try. I still follow it for the most part. But sometimes, it just works out to where I am nursing them to sleep. I agree with you, it seems natural. They want that comfort and closeness, at least mine do anyway. It might help to know that all 4 of mine are really good sleepers now.
Don't beat yourself up. All kids are different. Do what works for you.
As far as books, I found that Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child really worked well for us -- and it is easily tailored to your own comfort level re: CIO and nursing to sleep.
Good luck!