Can I talk about Christmas in July?

cooperme2871 · July 2010

I know I'm probably the only weirdo thinking about Christmas already, but.....here is my situation. Usually DH and I open gifts to each other EARLY Christmas morning and then go over to IL's house at 8:00AM for presents. Then we drive 1.5 hours to my parents house for presents and spend the night. Last year we did this with LO and we were so exhausted. We always said once we had kids we would stop traveling and let our kids enjoy the day at home. How do we decide between two familes which to visit? Both sides will be crushed if we dont visit, but at the same time I don't want my LO being rished around on Christmas day. What does everyone else do?

trackchik6 · July 2010

I don't have this problem b/c we do Hanukah w/DH's side and Xmas with my side. But, my cousin always does Thanksgiving with one side and Christmas day with the other.

DH and I alternate years for Thanksgiving - one year his family, the next year mine.

zoieglow · July 2010

We talked about this in circles over days and days and the only conclusion we could come to is that we either invite everyone over or we do one side of the family each year. We don't want to play host on Christmas which is already hectic enough so we opted to switch between families each year after we've had our own Christmas together. Yes it sucks and I would rather eat rocks than miss Christmas with my family but I just think it's a compromise we both have to make. We're going to do Christmas with the other side of the family on Christmas Eve.

ZacksBride · July 2010

we also have hanukkah w/ the hubby's fam and christmas with mine, so not an issue. but, i agree with pp - most of my friends do thanksgiving w/ 1 family and christmas with the other and alternate years...

jessicaclare · July 2010

We changed our traditions somewhat when we had kids, but now we spend Christmas Eve at home. The girls open gifts from us, then they open Santa gifts Christmas morning. We do Christmas brunch with my dad and dinner with my ILs. It has been crazy the past few years, so we decided this year we're staying home for the whole thing. We'll either find another time to see our families, or they can stop by to visit us.

To us, the number one most important thing for us is spending time just the four of us. Its not that we don't love our families, but I want our kids to really be able to savor the holiday and not feel bustled around everywhere. Our families might not like it, but they understand.

Mommy2B_Hart · July 2010

Last year we had both sets of grandparents over on Christmas Eve. Since then, MIL has gone BSC and we're not exactly speaking to her, but that's a totally different post. To answer your question, this was our original plan, lunch with one, dinner with the other on Christmas Eve. We have always said that we want Christmas to ourselves, and we're trying really hard not to break that.

cooperme2871 · July 2010

jessicaclare:

To us, the number one most important thing for us is spending time just the four of us. Its not that we don't love our families, but I want our kids to really be able to savor the holiday and not feel bustled around everywhere. Our families might not like it, but they understand.

This is exactly how we feel, but when we mentioned it to our family's they looked at us like we were nuts.

Uiowachick01 · July 2010

Can you have everyone over to your house? You can have everyone bring something and the grandmas come early to cook the big stuff.

It's my style, I like to be the host. I have hosted every holiday since we moved in our house in 2006!

jessicaclare · July 2010

cooperme2871:
jessicaclare:

To us, the number one most important thing for us is spending time just the four of us. Its not that we don't love our families, but I want our kids to really be able to savor the holiday and not feel bustled around everywhere. Our families might not like it, but they understand.

This is exactly how we feel, but when we mentioned it to our family's they looked at us like we were nuts.

When I was a kid, my parents got tired of the dragging us around to a million places every holiday, so when I was about 9, we started going to our cabin up north for all the holidays. I'm sure my Grandparents gave my parents the sideeye when they started doing it (I know my dad's mom was not too happy), but as a kid, it was amazing. I have some awesome memories of those times. Because of that, I know we're making the right decision by putting our family time first.

My point is, don't second guess yourself. Do what you want to do. Your parents will just get used to it.

cooperme2871 · July 2010

Uiowachick01:

Can you have everyone over to your house? You can have everyone bring something and the grandmas come early to cook the big stuff.

It's my style, I like to be the host. I have hosted every holiday since we moved in our house in 2006!

No, our house is pretty small and our families are pretty big. LOL

Breezer80 · July 2010

We're still not 100% certain what we're going to do, especially since my parents are divorced. Everyone lives within 10 minutes of us, but all the get togethers are too big to have at our place ... it will require a lot of give and take, I think, and hurt feelings too ...

eml569 · July 2010

I was complaining about this exact thing last Christmas to 2 of my coworkers. They told me what they do, and maybe one of their solutions would work for you.

The first (and probably what we're going to do from now on) is to invite everyone over for a Christmas brunch that morning. Kids wake up and we will do our Santa and presents thing as a family, then grandparents come over around 1030 and do brunch and gifts. It will work for us because we have relatively small families, and we also have the only grandbabies

The other option involved a bit of traveling, but might work. He and his family alternate traveling year to year to each family, but only on Christmas Eve. So last year they spent Christmas Eve with his wife's family and this year will travel to his family instead. They are always home for the wake up and gifts on Christmas morning, and the opposite family comes by Christmas afternoon.

When I was growing up we never traveled for Christmas - it was always just my immediate family. Both DH and I want to include our families in our holiday traditions but definitely dont' want to keep doing what we've done since we got married.....start at our house, go to one family, then head to the other. It's too hectic and I never felt like I enjoyed the holiday. Good luck making your decision!

EbethM0231 · July 2010

trackchik6:
.
DH and I alternate years for Thanksgiving - one year his family, the next year mine.

we do this also. we also do what the OP does, except we go to my parents in the morning and then over to IL's to spend the night. It worked pretty well last year, so we will probably keep it up.

cooperme2871 · July 2010

eml569:

I was complaining about this exact thing last Christmas to 2 of my coworkers. They told me what they do, and maybe one of their solutions would work for you.

The first (and probably what we're going to do from now on) is to invite everyone over for a Christmas brunch that morning. Kids wake up and we will do our Santa and presents thing as a family, then grandparents come over around 1030 and do brunch and gifts. It will work for us because we have relatively small families, and we also have the only grandbabies

The other option involved a bit of traveling, but might work. He and his family alternate traveling year to year to each family, but only on Christmas Eve. So last year they spent Christmas Eve with his wife's family and this year will travel to his family instead. They are always home for the wake up and gifts on Christmas morning, and the opposite family comes by Christmas afternoon.

When I was growing up we never traveled for Christmas - it was always just my immediate family. Both DH and I want to include our families in our holiday traditions but definitely dont' want to keep doing what we've done since we got married.....start at our house, go to one family, then head to the other. It's too hectic and I never felt like I enjoyed the holiday. Good luck making your decision!

Thanks for the suggestions. The first won't work because my family is 1.5 hours away and they will not drive here for Christmas (but they expect us to drive there-go figure). The second option could work if our families weren't so rediculously selfish. I guess we're just going to have to make a deciosn and stick to it.

monlyn9 · July 2010

I'm the odd one out. I LOVED spending Christmas day with my extended family as a kid and couldn't even imagine staying home with just DH and LOs on Christmas. When I was a kid, we always spent Thanksgiving with my mom's side because at that time it was her extended family that got together (the only time each year). We then spent Christmas day with my dad's family. My mom's family got together the weekend before or after.

DH and I had to do some adjusting when we got together. We spend Christmas Eve with my parents and sister. We go to mass and have dinner and then open presents. Christmas morning we get up and exchange presents and then go to DH's parents (about 45 min away) for lunch and to celebrate with them and his B and SIL. We then come back to town to my parents house where all of my extended family (dad's side) is for the afternoon/evening. We still have Christmas with my mom's side the weekend before or after as well as another day with DH's extended family. It can be crazy but to me that is what the holidays are about.

Amber5103 · July 2010

As a kid we always did Christmas Eve with my Mom's side and then stayed the night at my Aunt and Uncles to have Christmas Day with my Dad's side and opened our gifts from Santa and my parents there. And DH always did CE with his Mom's side and CD with his family........So last Christmas we did his Aunts for dinner (skipping dinner at my Grandparents) then went to my grandparents to open gifts, then of to SIL house to stay the night and do Christmas breakfast with DH's side and then out to my parents to do gifts and then my Dad's side comes for dinner. It is a lot to fit into 2 days but worth it. Our family lives in Mo and we are in Ca so it's one of the only times we get to see everyone together.

rebus82 · July 2010

The past few years my parents have come into town and then we all go over to SIL's, where MIL comes too. Since we'll likely be moving overseas before Christmas 2011, I told DH this year I want to go to my aunt/uncle's house where my parents will come too, or go to my parent's house. MIL can get over it, she can see us any time, my family lives multiple hours away and it's not fair to have them drive every year.

I think Thanksgiving with one and Christmas with the other is a pretty good compromise. Or Christmas Eve with the ILs and Christmas with your family. I definitely wouldn't make it an all day affair, that's just ridiculous.

amm826 · July 2010

I think it's silly your family won't drive 1.5 hours to visit when you are the one with the child! We no longer live close to either family so we spend holidays alone and if someone wants to visit, they do. That way no one can complain because if they want to spend the holiday with us they come to us. What do you do for Thanksgiving? Could you have Thanksgiving with one family and Christmas with another and alternate years? When we lived closer to our parents we would do Christmas with one family and New Year's with the other. They had time off and we still saw them over the holidays so all was good.

RNOHIO · July 2010

We stay at our house to open presents and relax in the morning. Then we go to my parents for dinner around noon and then dinner at DH's parents. It's a busy day but it wouldn't be the same if we didn't see both sides of the family. Also, DH's parents only live about 15 minutes away from my parents.

CalinsBride · July 2010

I would visit neither side, and invite everyone to your place. Seriously.

If that's not an option (for whatever reason), then my next best idea is for you to

A) Spend Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with the other, or

Spend Thanksgiving with one family, Christmas with the other, and then next year do the reverse. So if this year you see his parents for thanksgiving, you see yours for Christmas, and then the year after you see his parents for Christmas and yours for Thanksgiving.

I strongly suggest you start your new traditions now, though, before they get used to you schlepping back and forth all the time and come to expect it.

TashaLee · July 2010

jessicaclare:
We changed our traditions somewhat when we had kids, but now we spend Christmas Eve at home. The girls open gifts from us, then they open Santa gifts Christmas morning. We do Christmas brunch with my dad and dinner with my ILs. It has been crazy the past few years, so we decided this year we're staying home for the whole thing. We'll either find another time to see our families, or they can stop by to visit us.
To us, the number one most important thing for us is spending time just the four of us. Its not that we don't love our families, but I want our kids to really be able to savor the holiday and not feel bustled around everywhere. Our families might not like it, but they understand.

This is how we feel too. DH and I decided that when we have kids we'll be staying home for the holidays and we'll find other times to go and visit family. Growing up we used to open gifts at my house, and then go into my Aunts house and watch them open gifts, and then go back home and it was just so rushed. I felt like I never really got to enjoy the day and just relax and take it all in. We don't want our kids to have that feeling, or think of it as something they have to rush through. Last year we stayed home and it was great.

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