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Working Moms
KathrynMD
member
Tell me about going from 1 to 2 and working
KathrynMD
member
in Working Moms
We have started discussing have LO #2 - yahoo!!
DD #1 is 18 months now, and we will probably start trying in another few months. I am still all kinds of ambivalent about being a working mom - on the one hand, financially, not working is really not an option and frankly, I think DD gets alot more intellectually/developmentally out of daycare than I could ever provide at home by myself. On the other hand, the craziness of commuting and having to get her home and fed and in bed every night is exhausting. Every night from the minute I leave work I feel like I am racing against the clock to get her into bed so that she gets enough sleep and so that I can relax a little or even just get a little housework done.
Of course, I loved the newborn phase, but if I'm honest, I knwo it sucked too and I know it will suck again - but how much worse will it be w/a toddler/preschooler in the mix too?
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Re: Tell me about going from 1 to 2 and working
Someone once told me that it is harder to be a parent to one child than it is to be a parent to two children. It takes different skills for sure, and after the first 2 years I think having two children is easier for many reasons.
Having said that....the first 18 months was REALLY hard. REALLY, REALLY hard. I wasn't expecting it to be so difficult. I was exhausted constantly, struggling with not liking my job, and still not wanting to be a SAHM because being home alone with both kids was harder than working! My husband and I fought because we were both exhausted all the time. And paying for 2 in daycare is really expensive. Much more than our mortgage. Getting out the door in the mornings with both kids dressed, fed, packed, ugh. I don't even want to remember the first year.
BUT... now that the youngest is 2 years old having them close in age is really fun. They are lonely without each other and they are excellent playmates. They now go to bed about the same time, bath time is together, mealtime is easier, and I can't imagine life without the two of them exactly as they are.
My kids are 4 years apart, which made it much easier. DD was much more independent when DS came along, plus she was my super little helper. I didn't really give DH a choice--we had to split up the childcare duties. He ended up taking over with DD at bedtime, and I took care of DS.
There is no way it would have worked without DH's cooperation.
This is what I am going through right now. It is hard and we are just exhausted. However, it is very enjoyable too.
Having DH's help is key. DH and I share all the responsibilities. Since we both travel for work and have no family nearby, we are used to doing everything and we both appreciate how hard it is. In the end you just do it.
It honestly wasn't that bad. It's getting a lot easier as DS gets older as well....for a few months now they've been eating the same dinner, having baths together, going to bed at roughly the same time, etc. The first few months were hard with the lack of sleep, etc but you get through it just as you did with 1 kid.
I love having them close now as they play together fairly well and enjoy a lot of the same things.
For me, it was very hard. ML was nice and relaxing with DS in daycare all. But once I went back it was really tough. I felt like I was late to work every day, mornings were nuts, evenings were worse trying to get dinner ready, deal with a crying baby and a cranky toddler and then I rarely got to sit down until 10 pm after getting the kids to bed. Now that part hasn't changed because between dinner clean up, dishes, house work and bills, there's too much to do, but the morning and evenings have gotten a lot better. My son did not do too well with my daughter until recently - now we are at a point where he actually likes her so that is helping a lot. But I started getting up a little bit earlier so I have an extra 1/2 hour of peace and quiet to get organized in the morning and that helps. For evening peace of mind, I try very hard to avoid cooking after work, so I generally cook on weekends and freeze or after the kids go to bed for the next day, or as a last resort order take out. And I try very hard to just take an hour of our evening time to just play with the kids - so I don't feel like I'm just trying to get the kids to bed. It has gotten much better for me over the last year of being back at work!
I agree, ML was a breeze with DD1 in daycare fulltime. I LOVED it! Helps that DD2 is an easy, laid-back baby so it almost felt like a vacation (with less sleep). I struggled the nights that DH went out with the 2 of them, but I'm way better now and DD1 is at a better age now - she will watch TV while I put DD2 to bed, etc. Mornings are hectic but not much worse than before. I definitely feel like we are buiser and there is less downtime, but it hasn't been bad.
Like I said I have an easy baby which is key. She's been on a toddler schedule since 4 months - she naps when DD1 naps, goes to bed right before her, we bathe them together and we all eat as a family.
I can't wait for another 6 months or so and they can play together better. When DD1 isn't around, I sometimes don't know what to do with the baby!
The morning is actually really easy with a baby. I didn't have problems with it until #2 turned 2 and started having an opinion about things.
Well, I just started back to work last week so I may be speaking a bit prematurely here, but...
Having 2 is hard work! Whether you work or SAH, having 2 is definitely tougher than having 1. There is ALWAYS someone needing your attention and oftentimes, more than one
It's also much more rewarding though and I wouldn't change it for the world!
However, being a working mom with 2 has been less of an adjustment so far than being a SAHM of 2 for me. On the days that I am home alone with both of them, it has been much more difficult to adjust to having 2. It requires a lot of advance planning, flexibility and I almost NEVER get a break. On the days that I am working, it simply requires a bit more advance planning, but is otherwise not much different than having 1. I used to be able to pack lunches/bottles/pump etc. in the am, now that gets done the night before. DH and I each get one kid ready in the morning so we each get up a few minutes earlier than before. But, once they are dropped off at daycare, I get a break! A quiet drive to and from work, uninterrupted bathroom breaks... it's great
I used to think that I would be happier as a SAHM. Now that I have 2 kids, a job that I am happy with and a reduced schedule, I feel like I have the best of both worlds!
SO much of it depends on your kids. Example, I know a lot of people with kids three years apart (like mine) who had a very helpful older DC. It was mostly daughters, of course.
My son, after 2 days of novelty, wanted nothing to do with DS #2 until just in the last two weeks, and LO is now 7.5 months old. I'm talking, no help, really very little interaction with him whatsoever. He wasn't really upset about it, just kind of ignored his existence.
DS #2, meanwhile, has been a very easy baby, except for taking forever to sleep through the night.
There are so many factors to consider. But I would say that it's definitely harder than one, at least when they are little. With two, there is no economies of scale. I think it's more than twice the work.
I know it's going to get better, but for right now, I'd say it's freaking hard but getting better.
I am really envious of anyone who can say that the second child wasn't a lot more work! There are days that I marvel anyone could possibly manage more than 2 kids and retain some form of sanity!
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
i went from 1 to 3. I did start working PT when i had the twins- which has helped in some ways but is harder in a lot of ways, too.
you just do it. millions of people in this country do it every day - you can, too. If having more children is what you want - you will make it work.
my kids are 2y2mo apart, which i felt was a great age difference. Griffin was old enough to do some things on his own, and understand a lot - but young enough that he forgot what it was like to have competition for time with mom and dad - and never resented the babies.
I'm wondering this, too. I had a really hard time going back to work with DD, and pumping/breastfeeding was a lot of work and very exhausting. I'm dreading going through that stage again with work. The rest of the baby care stuff was mostly fine for me, but I did NOT enjoy working with lack of sleep/pumping stress. DH works a lot of long hours so I do most of the evening child care, often solo...it's fine now w/ DD, but I don't know how we will do it with two. I would REALLY like to reduce my hours and/or find something closer to home. I know somehow we will work things out, but I would like our lives to be less crazy.
Whoever said it is harder to have one than two probably never had two kids, especially two kids close together.
The last 18 months of my life has been, by far, the hardest. My kids are now 3 years and 18 months and I can see the light, but wow...I have been exhausted, resentful, short tempered....not all of the time but a lot of the time.
I am delighted with my boys, and I am glad they are close in age, but yeah...that first year, year and a half...tough.
There are a lot of studies that show children who have siblings are happier in life, have better relationships, etc. Kids learn so much about social behaviour with siblings. I think that was the "easier to parent 2 than 1" concept.
But I agree with you 100%, the first few years are not easy at all.