What would you do?

robynss · July 2010

I just got home from having a pelvic ultrasound and it was the coolest thing to be able to see my egg. I am definitely ovulating within the next 36 hours but the situation is my DH. Do I tell him? I have to admit that I am the one that always starts the process of getting KU, even when we are not trying....if you know what I mean. I guess you could say that I am more into the act than he is. But, now that we have been to the FE and he was told that he was fine, and I am fine through the HSG and pelvic ultrasound the doc told us to TTC as much as possible within the next 36 hours. Problem, my DH would get anxiety. He isn't a drinker so I can't get him to drink, if he eats too much for dinner (which we are going out with his mom tonight) he's too full. I don't want to talk about it anymore with him because it is driving him crazy. So, what do you think I can do? He's not into lingerie or anything besides the basics (which is something I want to work on anyway) but I know that these hours are crucial! I know he knows that FE would be expensive and OOP so this is the way to go...but I am not sure how to subtly make this happen. Meanwhile, we have been practicing every morning for the past two mornings...but now the OPK and the Pelvic Ultrasound confirms that it is now...or next month. What would you do?

Oh, also forgot to tell you that we are on vacation until next week and we both have very stressful jobs so this really is the ideal month!

Please help me....Thanks in advance!

pnltybox · July 2010

I agree, some men get performance anxiety when you tell them they have to perform right NOW. You know him best, so you know what he likes and what turns him on. Be flirty......tell him he looks expecially sexy today. Whisper something to him at dinner (when his mom goes to use the ladies room or something) that you're going to have to have your way with him when you get home........build it up, keep him going, give him something to look forward to! If he's not into it right when you get home, then wake him up at some point and say you couldn't wait any longer........you need it NOW! Tell him you think you need to "practice' some more!!

I wouldn't mention the 36 hour time crunch unless it looks like it's not going to happen.......then it might light a fire under his butt to get it done!

I count myself lucky b/c DH never says no, especially if I initiate!

*Chicken* · July 2010

I've had this situation with my husband. Finally out of sheer frustration, I laid the law down and told him that there is only a certain short time frame where we have a chance of conceiving so I needed him to work me not against me. I told him the he just needed to suck it up because I've been through enough needles, vag u/s, constant Dr's appt that I didn't need him whining when I told him we needed to have sex (I mean HELLO!!! Happy ending!). I may have teared up because I was so irritated by it all.

He's been better since.

I think you just need to be straight with your husband tell him how the appt. went and that you two need to get busy in the next 36 hours.

I don't know how long you've been TTC but the romance goes out the window very quickly so he just needs to go with the flow with no fight.

Good luck.

robynss · July 2010

Thanks! Definitely count yourself lucky...I don't know why but my DH isn't as interested as I am. Sad for me!

robynss · July 2010

Thanks! I will let you know what happens because at the end of the next 36 hours I might just have to do that...but hoping that the AM will be the best time for him! Thanks for your advice!

cbeney · July 2010

I say...dont mention it to him to avoid the pressure!! ?:) GL!

marjoriemitchell · July 2010

I'd say don't tell him. If knowing gives him performance anxiety let him have his ignorant bliss. wake up in the middle of the night, freshen up, then wake him slowly. In other words leave him asleep and play with him or give him a BJ. By the time he wakes all of the way up, he's totally in the mood. Wink

of course that doesn't always work with my husband, but pouting always works with him Embarrassed . I hate to say it but sometimes a little manipulation goes a long way.

ForTheLoveOf Pink · July 2010

I hear ya. My DH seems to be way to tired, or too full from dinner, or whatever his excuse for the evening is. He says I never initiate, which I don't think is true. For the love of God.... since men have been boys they want to "do it" I'd like to know what the problem is. Trust me I've asked!!!!! I have even tried to lay the whole cost of fertility treatment thing out there it does not seem to have an effect. I know the "why do you have to talk about it all the time....I 'm dissapointed too" conversation. Even more frustrating.

I say don't tell him..just do it. My experience is that they do get performance anxiety. I think it is just another example of " men are from mars and women from venus".

Good Luck!!!!!

LeesMyBaby · July 2010

I wouldn't tell him....not my dh anyway. If he even has a clue that TTC is the purpose it just kills it for him. I do much better just rubbing his back and his side... and getting him in the mood and not even mentioning baby making!

Haribo1 · July 2010

I would not tell him and just initiate as mentioned by all the pp above. I try to keep things "spontaneous" with DH and not let him know when I "think" I might be ovulating. One thing that has worked is telling him that I think he looks hot, and I really want him (sorry if TMI). Other times, I tell him,

"You're my husband, and I can have you any time I want to, and one of those times is now". I don't know why, but he seems to like that Hope some of this helps somehow!

If nothing works, than I would probably just tell him the truth.

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