Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
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Military Families
nopegoat
member
I want the good, the bad, and the ugly!
nopegoat
member
Hi ladies! My family might be joining you and I really wanted to get info from people that have been there and not just anyone. My DF and I are in a pretty bad financial situation especially after his boss fired him for getting a part time job on the side. He has been looking for another job for a while now with absolutely no luck whatsoever. Anyways, I am not absolutely thrilled with the thought of him going military because I have always been pretty spoiled with having him here with me, but we are starting to think it is our only chance for a stable income and job in this economy. Anyways I came to this board to hear it all! I want the good, the bad, and the ugly ladies! Please tell me things that are awesome, things that suck, and everything in between about being a military wife/family. TIA!!!
ETA: I guess I should have added in my OP that my DF has always had joining the military in the back of his mind but hasn't because he always had been able to find other jobs that kept him close to me. He has always been the type of guy that wants to better himself and his family while helping others. So i guess what I am trying to say is there has always been that initial interest and want to join but our financial situation and the want/need for a stable job has been the final push towards joining.
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Re: I want the good, the bad, and the ugly!
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First I want to say that he has to want, genuinly(sp?) want to be in the military. For love of country, not a paycheck. From my POV the initial seperation didnt suck too bad, but we were in training at the same time, so I didnt really feel the time pass. Within the military there is usually a great support system from other wives and the family readiness programs. One of the most important things to learn as a wife is your place in the military. I can only speak for the Marine Corps, but the needs of family usually come second to the needs of the Corps.
DH & I are in the army & this is VERY true. Some units are not family friendly. A daily work schedule of 430am to 7pm, plus weeks/months out in the field training & deploying every other year. Just be prepared to take on the role of single parent, is my best advice..
I would agree with pp on the wanting to do it. It is not a job you take for the pay check. It takes a lot of sacrifice from you and him and if he doesn't love it the sacrifice will be to much. Be prepared to spend holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. without him and possibly far away from family. Also, depending on what he does you might be moving every 2-4 years so you maybe renting instead of owning your own home. We got to stay in VA for 3 years but that is the longest time we spent anywhere.
The good parts for me are the traveling, meeting new people and being part of the proudest community of women and men I know. I love to travel and we have lived in 4 states and in a month will be heading to our 5th. After DH deploys it is one of the best moments ever to watch him come off that plane or ship. It makes me proud and over the moon happy. That is a great feeling.
I'm agreeing with PP. Do not join just because of the paycheck. My DH is Army and it is a huge sacrifice. He loves his country and he loves what he does. But, it is not an easy road. Do not expect that it's all going to be puppies and rainbows. It's not. We deal with long long deployments. DH's next is 18 months. Are you prepared for the emotional part of it. Is he? Both of you really should sit down with a recruiter and get the details. I'm not sure about this, but I believe there is a pretty long wait for getting in nowadays.
Your DH should join if he wants to fight for his country not an easy paycheck. Believe me it won't be easy. I love being a military wife. And I love my husband. But, I can tell you it's hard. We deal with the uncertainty everyday of every deployment that he may be dead. You have to be prepared for this. This is our life. And how we have chosen to live it. Not because of a paycheck, but because of the fight to keep our freedom.
On the flip side some units are incredibly family friendly. For example when I had my miscarriage they told DH to take off as long as he needed. I wish my job would have been as understanding!
Yes as pp's said he has to want to do it. It is not something you can quit when you decide you don't like it. Not that he would do that, but it's just something to think about.
My DH was in for 4 yrs, "got out" and into the reserves, and is now in transition to go back to active duty. It's because he hates his civilian job and misses being in the Army. Honestly I do not miss the times of seperation that comes with being an Army wife, but I think we were overall actually happier as an Army family. We know what the bad aspects are, we've lived it before, and this is still the life we are choosing.
The good: Travel, financial stability, the price of health care, the proud feeling you get everytime you see your DH in uniform or even hear the national anthem, the homecomings, the "family" you form with other Army families. The "vacation" time. You will never have friends like the ones you have in the military. The PX and commissary privileges along with all of the family activities or discounts that are offered. No matter where you go or how much you move you can always count on them to pack you up and move you. DH coming home for lunch in the middle of the day for 2 hrs.
The bad: Being seperated from DH of course, waiting to get dr. appt's can get tiring and annoying, being away from family and friends and missing holidays, weddings, and birthdays. Not being able to plan things or having plans ruined due to unexpected training days/staff duty/etc.
I'm sure there are a million more things I could add that I can't think of right now. I'm sure just about all of us started off being "spoiled" by having DH with us all the time. The seperation that comes with the military life is just something that you kind of get used too. Even though every goodbye is still hard.
Goodluck!
Your son is very cute! Congrats on his arrival! I read parts of your bio, sounds like he gave you quite a scare! I'm glad that he arrived safely--and a really good size too!
I'm sorry that your DF lost his job. Has he (your DF) mentioned an interest in the military prior to this? As other ladies have mentioned, joining the military is a really big step. Its not like any other job that I'm aware of. You make a commitment and are held accountable for the years that you are obligated. Mission first is typically the way of life. If you don't like your job, you can't simply find another job like you can in the civilian world.
You mentioned that your DF is interested in the Air Force. From what I have seen and heard, the AF undergoing "force shaping" and therefore it is much more difficult to get in. The other branches are also able to be much more selective of who they take. Has your DH looked at any ASVAB prep material? The ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) is key to getting into the military and the jobs that may be available to him depend upon how well he does. I used to be a test examiner, so I've seen the tests. I've seen the difference in test scores for people who have studied and prepared.
Also, I have seen and heard that it can take months to get a slot for basic training. The government fiscal cycle runs October 1st through September 30th--and I believe that may come into play, especially as the federal fiscal cycle winds down.
You want the good, the bad and the ugly? These are my opinions and experiences.
The good: My DH has a stable career that he loves. He has been in for 15 years and is very proud of what he does. The health care provided (at no additional cost, for all family member) is quite good. You will hear horror stories, but, the coverage is really very good. For the delivery of my son, our hospital fees were over $30k, we paid $62 at a civilian hospital. We have lived in California, Virginia (twice) and Tennessee in the four years that we have been married. Another perk are the Commissary (grocery store, many times less expensive) and the PX/BX (kind of like Target, but they also carry name brands like Polo, Clinique and Coach). I have made some really good friends--life long friends.
The bad: My DH has been deployed 4 times and also spent a year (unaccompanied) in Korea. (I have only been with him for one deployment.) He has had to go TDY (basically, business trips) for extended times. His schedule is often not his own. When we lived in California (at Fort Irwin, which is in the middle of nowhere--quite literally), he was in the field two out of every four weeks, ten months a year. As I mentioned, we have been married for four years. We are living in house number six. If we are here in NoVA for the two years that we anticipate, it will be the longest that my DH has been in one place in over ten years, I think. (FWIW, I don't think the frequency of his moving is the norm.)
The ugly: My DH just returned from deployment. We were apart for 14 months. He left when I was about 20 week pregnant. He missed the birth (which was very complicated, I ended up with the most severe form of pre-eclampsia and LO ended up, briefly, in the NICU and then I developed severe postpartum depression and anxiety). DH did not know for several hours that his son had been born because he was out on a mission. He came home for R&R when LO was 2 months old and redeployed when LO was nine months old
There are worse things though, but so far, we have been spared. My DH is now safely home, sitting on the couch, playing X-Box.
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I hope that you and your DF are able to talk about your shared ideas and plans for your future as a family. I enjoy more about being an Army wife than I dislike. . . but, my DH had been in for 11 years when I met him, so I knew what I was getting into when I started dating him.
We are here if you have specific questions. Oh--and if your DF does join, anything the recruiter promises him--get it in writing! And you should go with him to talk to the recruiters.
(Sorry this is so long!)
I'm new to all this, and I agree that he has to really want this. The initial separation was very hard for us, but seeing as DH has wanted to do this for the past 7 years, I knew that he was doing this for our family and for himself. I think I would have felt differently about the separation if I thought he was only doing it for financial reasons.
Also, it took forever for him to get in. First he wanted to join the Coast Guard, the recruiter was horrible with contacting him, I think they really just didn't have any spots open. After months trying to go there, he went to Navy, which is really a better fit for him anyway. He went to do all the tests, medical stuff, etc. and then he got a boot camp date for one year after he signed the contract. His recruiter worked really hard to get his date moved up 3 months so that DH would be in and finished boot camp before I gave birth. We really lucked out on that. So keep in mind this isn't going to be a quick financial fix.
I'm usually on TTGP, but I thought I'd add in a little... MH is Navy.
If he wants to join the military for security, and stability it is a great move. But I have to tell you that at the beginning he probably won't make that much money. There are seperation issues, and things you have to do on your own that you never dreamed of doing after you were married. If you are lucky like we are (we are pretty much promised to stay in one place) you can own your own home. But like I said, it takes time to earn rank and the pay to afford it. Just keep in mind that it takes just as much dedication for you than it does for him. Without your support he will probably serve his minimum and be done. MH told me that if it wasn't for me, he would not have re-enlisted. And honestly, there is no other place I'd rather be. I hope that you two make the right choice.
From August of last year to when he comes back in August of this year, my DH will have only been home 3 months. He's missing a lot of his children's lives. But when duty calls, he can't just say "I want to stay home".
The first year DH and I were married, I was in and so was he, and we spent only 2 months total out of our first year together. The rest of the time I was deployed on my ship.
I have to say, I've been a part of a LOT of Navy commands (either that I worked for or DH has worked for) are not family friendly. I was told in boot camp that when you join the military, if the (insert Branch) wanted you to have a family they'd have given it to you in your seabag. This is absolutely true and they will never let you forget it. Even though you have a family, it doesn't matter- THEY come first.
It's not all bad, we do have that awesome free medical- good luck finding a doc that gives a crap about you, though. And we do get free housing, and it's really not that bad. I was lucky though, I've heard some housing areas are really scummy, but I'm lucky this is a pretty good one. The rooms are unbearably small, but it's free.
Since my daughter was born in April '08, he has been deployed for 14 months total to now, he's currently deployed.
It's not all daisies and sunshine. My twin sister is AF and she's been to Iraq/Afghanistan 3 times in the 6 years she's been in. She has a husband. She was about to be sent again but she got preg- she'd been on fertility treatments for a good long time before getting pg, so they knew it was coming, but they still had her on the list til a month before she got pg. She's also been deployed to Bolivia for 4 months and Guam for 4 months. 4 months seems to be the longest period of deployment for AF, lucky ducks, but for a spouse with kids and her hubby is in the sandbox... every night is a night filled with fear you'll get a call from the base commanding officer saying your DH is gone.
Do not do it just for the paycheck. It is NOT enough money for the poor treatment and stress of it all. If he really feels the need to do this for his country, then you need to be strong for him and your son, but do not do it for a paycheck. Starting paychecks for any branch is bottom of the barrel.
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Thank you! He truly did give us a huge scare... It was such a relief when he arrived (later on when he was suppose to lol) and was so healthy and perfect! I love the picture in your siggy! You guys look soooo happy and proud! Also your LO is adorable!!
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