S/O: adoption comments — The Bump
Adoption

S/O: adoption comments

How do you avoid the adoption"label"? I think I am particularly sensitive to it since I have both a bio and adopted child. DS (bio) frequently tells people that DD is "mommy's baby".  I really don't want him to start saying "mommy's adopted baby" .  Although it is true that she is adopted, I just don't think it is relevant in most cases.

Here are a couple of situations that are sparking this:

1) Neighbor introduces me to her brother.  Brother comments on how cute DD is. Neighbor says "Isn't she cute? They adopted her, actually!".  I didn't find this offensive, but I also didn't get the point.  

2) Friend of a Friend asks if we adopted the baby. I say yes.  Friend then turns to his buddy's 10 year old daughter and says, "Just like you! hahaha".  Friend of Friend then jokes, "Yeah, I have something to tell you....".  The 10 year old then shrieks in horror (as expected) "I'M NOT ADOPTED!!"  Everyone (sans me and DH) laughed.  DS was there for this little exchange as well.

I'm kind of glad these things are happening now, because they force me to think about how to approach these situations in the future.  The problem is that I just don't know how to approach them.   Advice? Similar situations? Let's hear them!

 

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Re: S/O: adoption comments

  • I have a similar situation. My hairdresseer says (everytime I bring up Russian adoption and how hard i tis, how many hurdles we have had to go thru and the challenges we have ahd to face recently) "Wouldn't it have been easier to have one of your own?"

    **throatpunch** every time

  • Fortunately we haven't encountered this. The closest we came was when I brought DD to church for the first time. Everyone in my choir knew we adopted her, and it turned out one of the members had adopted from her SIL when her younger DD was small. So it sparked a nice adoption conversation.

    I try not to bring it up with people I don't know, so it doesn't become an issue.

    I have had a few situations where people know I adopted DD and they say, "Oh I know [insert person here] who adopted, and their kid is so smart/cute/wonderful". I keep thinking, "What, their bio kid wouldn't be smart/cute/wonderful? Adopted kids aren't expected to end up that way? What is your point exactly?" But I usually think they're trying to find some common ground to discuss and they don't know what else to say.

    Like you, I wouldn't have been bothered by your first situation, but that second one seems childish and immature. How do you respond to such stupidity?

  • We leave for Ethiopia on Saturday to pick up our little guy, so we haven't faced the comments you mentioned above. I have had a share of comments - one this past weekend when I was getting my haircut. We were talking about adopting and the hairdresser said "I've just got to ask you. What's the price tag for that?" ConfusedIndifferent

  • In situation #1, I don't really see the point of mentioning that your DD is adopted.  However, it's possible that your neighbor mentioned because she or her brother was considering adoption, or because someone they both know is considering adoption...  But without her telling you why she was bringing it up, you don't really know.  If she brings it up again, I'd just casually ask her why she is mentioning it.  Maybe it could lead to a positive conversation about adoption, you never know.

    (ETA:  I guess I consider situation #1 as pretty innocuous.  She probably was mentioning it for a "good" reason -- whether it was because someone they knew was considering adoption, or because she just considers it a nice and interesting fact about your DD, much like a fact like "she was 12 pounds at birth!" or "she's already got two teeth".)

    Situation #2 is wildly inappropriate.

  • image fredalina:
    Just want to make sure I understand the rules. It's fine for us to mention that we're adopting before the baby arrives and when we're excited about the process, the final outcome, etc, but it's not okay for others to mention it after the child arrives?

    Gosh..I had typed out this huge response..and you really just hit my question on the head. ::High fives:::

    I am also confused about something else...I completely understand that as parents we will raise our adopted child "as our own=the same as a biological child..." but by being open that your child IS adopted--it brings in the factor that they ARE--in fact different than a biological child...Unless you keep that fact secret, others are going to mention it and it is going to have an affect on them--and in some way their identity formation. Correct? 

  • Situation #1 I don't really see a problem with, but #2 is offensive to me...like it's something horrible to be adopted.

    Ben is bi-racial and DH and I are both Caucasian so we get the looks while we are out in public but I just ignore it, but I did get mad one time at a co-worker when she was pregnant and said she wished she could've adopted just like us because it would be easier than being pregnant.  I was too stunned to say anything, but I wish I would've said...ok, for # 2 try to get pregnant for 4 years, have 3 IUI's all negative, go through an IVF cycle with 2 miscarriages, give yourself shots sometimes up to 5 a day, and have a failed adoption.  Also, gather every piece of personal info you've got available--birth certificates, marriage, financial records, and talk to a SW and convince them you are going to be fit parents...after all is said and done..wait while birth parents decide if you look like a good match for their baby.  Don't forget that you spent nearly $80,000 to have a child in your life.  You don't just pick one out online and have them Fed Ex it to you.

    I upset and still am sometimes when I think about it.  I just wish people knew how physically and emotionally draining the whole process can be.

    Amy
    Proud Mommy to Ben
    You didn't grow in my tummy, but in my heart!!

    image

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  • For me, it's needlessly qualifying the word "son" with "adopted." My sons are my sons--how they got to be that way doesn't matter. While I know this, a little kid may not, and could get the impression that, by virtue of having been adopted, they are somehow less deserving of the title.

    Besides, most of the time it's nobody's GD business. While I was adopting I certainly didn't go around annoucing to everyone I met that I was in the process of adopting.

    I don't want my kids to feel like there's anything wrong with having been adopted, but I don't want them to feel like it defines them, either.

  • image fredalina:
    Just want to make sure I understand the rules. It's fine for us to mention that we're adopting before the baby arrives and when we're excited about the process, the final outcome, etc, but it's not okay for others to mention it after the child arrives?

    I don't think anyone is saying that. As I said, the first situation did not bother me at all. I just don't understand why everyone feels the need to point out that she is adopted. People don't introduce DS as my bio child or say that he was a preemie, which might be interesting to some. Why is the fact that we adopted DD so fascinating?


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  • image fredalina:
    Just want to make sure I understand the rules. It's fine for us to mention that we're adopting before the baby arrives and when we're excited about the process, the final outcome, etc, but it's not okay for others to mention it after the child arrives?

    I don't think that's the point at all.

    For one, I think it gets back to the whole idea of the child being able to tell his/her own story. While it's perfectly normal to include the fact that the child is adopted when you're talking to/about friends and family who know your story, I don't feel the need to state to every Tom, *** & Harry who stops me on the street to see my kid that, by the way, she was adopted. And it's kind of like saying, "This is Dr L. She had her baby by C-section." Is it really that important in the grand scheme of things? Yes, she was adopted. She's also blue-eyed, can roll over, and may someday know how to play piano. Stating "she's adopted" in every conversation seems, well, forced.

    And I think everyone agrees that pretending to tell a 10yo they were adopted when they weren't, and making it out to be a terrible thing, is as the pp noted, wildly inappropriate.

  • Maybe others just find the novelty fascinating?  I don't know...most people look at me like I'm CRAZY when we've told them, I'm sure I'll get similar crazy looks once we have adopted ;)

    I've heard lots of people talk about adopting...as in wanting to do it.  So maybe that's where the fascination and novelty come from?

  • I agree a little with both sides. I just read the chapter or portion of the chapter in the book Dear Birthmother on this topic today.
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  • The biggest language issue I keep seeing here is that people use the term 'IS' adopted, rather than the term 'WAS' adopted.  Charlotte doesn't live in a state of adoption, it was something that happened at a point in her life.  She was adopted by us and now she is our daughter.  Just we don't say Cooper 'IS' born, we say Cooper 'WAS' born. 

    Also because this is just a fact of her life, I don't have an issue discussing it.  My answer would be totally different the first 10 months she was home with us because I wasn't comfortable yet with how much detail I wanted to give out.  Now I don't mind at all because I've gotten adjusted to the idea. 

    If I don't acknowledge it then it makes me feel like I'm hiding something.  Having been adopted is not something to be embarrassed about.  It's just a fact and stating it as so allows us to feel comfortable with the idea and others to accept it more quickly.  The comments start to fade very quickly, especially from close friends and family. 

  • image fredalina:
    Just want to make sure I understand the rules. It's fine for us to mention that we're adopting before the baby arrives and when we're excited about the process, the final outcome, etc, but it's not okay for others to mention it after the child arrives?

     

    I have to agree I don't ever want my kids to feel its taboo to talk about being adopted and that it?s ever in appropriate to talk about it. If other people are going to ever get comfortable with talking adoption and ever learn how to talk about it appropriately then we have to be comfortable talking about it and redirecting the conversation to a better way to talk about but not at like it is something that should be whispered.  I do agree the second comment was not good but I would have looked as an opportunity to say yeah so not funny I would appreciate no jokes like that.

    Proud Momma of our daughter Charlie! She found her forever home August 2010 Hope to be the proud momma of #2 in July
  • I guess most of the people I know consider adoption in the highest regard (Personally, I consider it to be a greater "miracle" than "regular" birth, though I don't think it makes parents love their child any more, it might make them treasure them more IME). They don't have any negative connotations around it, so it comes across as being a positive.  I also do not have any friends who have bio and adopted kids, so that might be the difference.  It is also pretty common in my community and often, though not always, very obvious (child is not the same race as the parents).  I do think that it helps to have a "how you came to me story"  for each child that is special, and for the child to know it.  You might even make a special photo book about the story for each child and one that is about the whole family. 
  • Wow. I did not expect this post to generate so much discussion. I thought people would have something to say about the second comment, but I didn't expect nearly this much for comment number one.  I only included it because I was just that I was essentially introduced to a complete stranger as "CP and her adopted daughter".  It was not a negative experience at all.  I just thought it was interesting for all the reasons that Dr. L mentioned above.

    FWIW, the rest of the conversation was like this:

    Random Brother: Oh really? Are you still in contact with the parents?

    Me:  Yes, we do keep in contact with our daughter's birthparents. In fact, we have seen them a couple of times since she was born.  They are wonderful people.

    Random Brother: That's great.

    About that time, DS ran down the sidewalk.  I had to chase him, so the conversation was pretty much over. 

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  • image fredalina:

    i just think there's some double standard involved in us telling everyone and their hairdresser that we're growing our family through adoption PRIOR to the adoption and suddenly expecting no one to mention the fact AFTER the adoption. 

    But from my perspective, we didn't tell everyone and their hairdresser that we were growing our family through adoption. We didn't want a bunch of random strangers either telling us their horror stories (or getting more of "so and so adopted and their kids are so cute/smart" [like this is a novelty for adopted children]), and we didn't want random people asking us what our status was for what could have been months/years. When I saw my hairdresser after we got DD, I told her we adopted a baby girl, and now she asks about my daughter. Period.

    When my friend introduced me to someone at a coffee shop and she asked how old DD was, I said "10 weeks". She said, "You look great!" I smiled and thanked her, because I didn't feel I needed to get into the whole adoption conversation with a total stranger. While you may see that as me hiding my daughter's adoption from people, I see that as not wanting to engage in the conversation with someone I'll never see again, and for whom it really doesn't matter how my daughter joined my family.

    Sure, I think adoption is a great thing. I am so glad we have our daughter. But I don't think every introduction needs to include "she was adopted". If it's someone I feel the urge to share her story with, I will when the opportunity arises.

  • image fredalina:
    Just want to make sure I understand the rules. It's fine for us to mention that we're adopting before the baby arrives and when we're excited about the process, the final outcome, etc, but it's not okay for others to mention it after the child arrives?

    I agree AND disagree to this statement.  I agree because your right we talk about it TONS before the baby comes and then after the baby is here we shouldn't shut people up and act like its something that we are ashamed of because we are NOT in anyway shape of form trying to act like it?s a hush hush topic.  

    I disagree especially in my case because is NOT okay for someone to ask me, ?oh they aren?t twins?  You adopted one...which is which??  As K gets older the last thing she needs to be reminded about EVERYTIME someone asks about her and and E is that SHE is the adopted one.  You can't tell me that it wouldn't (over time) start to wear on you?  The momma bear in me wants to of course honor her adoption and make sure people use positive adoption language, while educating people on adoption but my child doesn't need to re-live every day/week that SHE is the adopted one.  She is just as much my DD as my bio DD is and it is tiring when people ask about who is who.  It does wear on you when you are asked every day.  Most people that adopt don't stick out like sore thumbs but some do and trust me when your child starts to understand what people are saying the last thing you will want is her to be reminded that she's not your bio DD because it *might* build up some feelings for her that are not going to help her in the future.  It?s fine to honor where she came from and I LOVE how beautiful adoption is but I think it?s up to HER how much we will talk about her adoption and strangers especially have no right to ask things about my family in front of her without any filter on their mouths. 

    That?s just my opinion on the matter but I truly deal with this issue EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE bc of mine being so close in age, in the same class at day care.  It makes me VERY worried as they get order that it might start to really hurt her if people keep calling her ?the adopted one.?  In fact the thought of her being hurt by this truly makes me want to cry - she?s truly is my everything. 

     

    "I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine

    "All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."

  • image lrrb:

    image fredalina:
    Just want to make sure I understand the rules. It's fine for us to mention that we're adopting before the baby arrives and when we're excited about the process, the final outcome, etc, but it's not okay for others to mention it after the child arrives?

    I agree AND disagree to this statement.  I agree because your right we talk about it TONS before the baby comes and then after the baby is here we shouldn't shut people up and act like its something that we are ashamed of because we are NOT in anyway shape of form trying to act like it?s a hush hush topic.  

    I disagree especially in my case because is NOT okay for someone to ask me, ?oh they aren?t twins?  You adopted one...which is which??  As K gets older the last thing she needs to be reminded about EVERYTIME someone asks about her and and E is that SHE is the adopted one.  You can't tell me that it wouldn't (over time) start to wear on you?  The momma bear in me wants to of course honor her adoption and make sure people use positive adoption language, while educating people on adoption but my child doesn't need to re-live every day/week that SHE is the adopted one.  She is just as much my DD as my bio DD is and it is tiring when people ask about who is who.  It does wear on you when you are asked every day.  Most people that adopt don't stick out like sore thumbs but some do and trust me when your child starts to understand what people are saying the last thing you will want is her to be reminded that she's not your bio DD because it *might* build up some feelings for her that are not going to help her in the future.  It?s fine to honor where she came from and I LOVE how beautiful adoption is but I think it?s up to HER how much we will talk about her adoption and strangers especially have no right to ask things about my family in front of her without any filter on their mouths. 

    That?s just my opinion on the matter but I truly deal with this issue EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE bc of mine being so close in age, in the same class at day care.  It makes me VERY worried as they get order that it might start to really hurt her if people keep calling her ?the adopted one.?  In fact the thought of her being hurt by this truly makes me want to cry - she?s truly is my everything. 

     

    This is how I feel as well on many days because I get it all.the.time as well.  I always answer one is bio and one was adopted.  I would never every even answer about which is which because it's not something I notice and that is just rude.  Sometimes we only answer the question they ask and don't say anything more.  We've had many conversations go something like this:

    'Are they twins?'

    'No'

    'How old are they?'

    'Two'

    What is their age difference?

    4 months

    (confused look)  Is that even possible?

    Yes. (and then we walk away) 

  • image Amy720:

    Situation #1 I don't really see a problem with, but #2 is offensive to me...like it's something horrible to be adopted.

    Ben is bi-racial and DH and I are both Caucasian so we get the looks while we are out in public but I just ignore it, but I did get mad one time at a co-worker when she was pregnant and said she wished she could've adopted just like us because it would be easier than being pregnant.  I was too stunned to say anything, but I wish I would've said...ok, for # 2 try to get pregnant for 4 years, have 3 IUI's all negative, go through an IVF cycle with 2 miscarriages, give yourself shots sometimes up to 5 a day, and have a failed adoption.  Also, gather every piece of personal info you've got available--birth certificates, marriage, financial records, and talk to a SW and convince them you are going to be fit parents...after all is said and done..wait while birth parents decide if you look like a good match for their baby.  Don't forget that you spent nearly $80,000 to have a child in your life.  You don't just pick one out online and have them Fed Ex it to you.

    I upset and still am sometimes when I think about it.  I just wish people knew how physically and emotionally draining the whole process can be.

  • Oops something happened to my last post. I meant to send a big high -5 to Amy720!
  • image fredalina:
    Just want to make sure I understand the rules. It's fine for us to mention that we're adopting before the baby arrives and when we're excited about the process, the final outcome, etc, but it's not okay for others to mention it after the child arrives?

    Let me get this straight--you really think it's OK to allow others to marginalize the familial relationship on an ongoing basis--years after the adoption has taken place?

    My kids know (to the extent they understand) they were adopted--it isn't hidden. But there's no value judgement there--it's just a fact. When others continually focus on their status as adopted children, I feel it imbues that status with some value judgement--whether positive or negative. And I feel that has more negative ramifications for a child's identity quest than a factual acknowledgement.

    But then, I don't feel the need to universally educate about adoption at every turn--my children deserve some privacy. I choose not to make my life a political statement.

  • I think that my MIL uses a great strategy with her children and other people. She just tells everyone that her children were born of her body, or are biological - because they were born of her heart. It makes people think twice about the beauty of adoption, and it stops obnoxious naysayers in their tracks. And so what if someone asks you an obnoxious question? You're living in a world with other people, you engage in the conversation with them, if you don't like where it leads, either tell them that this is what you want, stop the conversation, or just leave. But don't get mad at an ignorant person for asking a question - just help them to understand that adoption is what you want, and why.
    image
  • image fredalina:
    image noonecarewhoiam:

    image fredalina:
    Just want to make sure I understand the rules. It's fine for us to mention that we're adopting before the baby arrives and when we're excited about the process, the final outcome, etc, but it's not okay for others to mention it after the child arrives?

    Let me get this straight--you really think it's OK to allow others to marginalize the familial relationship on an ongoing basis--years after the adoption has taken place?

     

    Um, no. That's not even remotely close to what I said. It does kind of illustrate my point though. Not every time someone mentions adoption is it a (good grief) "marginalization of the familial relationship". Sometimes it is, but rarely. Usually it's simply an ignorant comment and sometimes it's even intended to be supportive. We are too quick to assume people intend harm when that usually isn't the case at all.

    The person's intension isn't that important, IMHO. And it may not be the child that feels marginalized, necessarily. My husband definately felt that his grandmother--who is old and BSC--marginalized his fatherhood when she introduced our son (who has been home for 5 years) as his adopted son. Seeing that she doesn't realize that using the term "Oriental" for people is inappropriate, I don't think she was aware of the impact of her words. And DH isn't really a guy who goes around looking for things to be upset about (especially where his family is concerned).

    Personally, I don't like labels, and qualifying a relationship as adoptive is labeling.

    Question--if it were a stepparent adoption, would you feel the same way?

  • Sorry, I was curious and found myself lurking on this board. I am adopted myself...and one thing that always bothered me is when someone refers to my birth mom as my "real mom". The first time I let it go, but I will eventually tell them that my "real mom" gave me a wonderful home and raised me, while my "birth mother" was selfless enough to realize that this woman would do that.

    It was really eye opening to read your comments and experiences. It makes me appreciate my mom even more. Smile

    image

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  • image noonecarewhoiam:
    This... exactly :) If my DD's adoption is mentioned I am thrilled to speak about it, but ultimately, it's HER story to tell, not mine and I will most likely allow her to decide who to tell and who not to tell. I rarely even think that she was adopted anymore, she could not be more my daughter than if she was my bio child.

    For me, it's needlessly qualifying the word "son" with "adopted." My sons are my sons--how they got to be that way doesn't matter. While I know this, a little kid may not, and could get the impression that, by virtue of having been adopted, they are somehow less deserving of the title.

    Besides, most of the time it's nobody's GD business. While I was adopting I certainly didn't go around annoucing to everyone I met that I was in the process of adopting.

    I don't want my kids to feel like there's anything wrong with having been adopted, but I don't want them to feel like it defines them, either.

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  • image fredalina:
    image noonecarewhoiam:
    image fredalina:
    image noonecarewhoiam:

    image fredalina:
    Just want to make sure I understand the rules. It's fine for us to mention that we're adopting before the baby arrives and when we're excited about the process, the final outcome, etc, but it's not okay for others to mention it after the child arrives?

    Let me get this straight--you really think it's OK to allow others to marginalize the familial relationship on an ongoing basis--years after the adoption has taken place?

     

    Um, no. That's not even remotely close to what I said. It does kind of illustrate my point though. Not every time someone mentions adoption is it a (good grief) "marginalization of the familial relationship". Sometimes it is, but rarely. Usually it's simply an ignorant comment and sometimes it's even intended to be supportive. We are too quick to assume people intend harm when that usually isn't the case at all.

    The person's intension isn't that important, IMHO. And it may not be the child that feels marginalized, necessarily. My husband definately felt that his grandmother--who is old and BSC--marginalized his fatherhood when she introduced our son (who has been home for 5 years) as his adopted son. Seeing that she doesn't realize that using the term "Oriental" for people is inappropriate, I don't think she was aware of the impact of her words. And DH isn't really a guy who goes around looking for things to be upset about (especially where his family is concerned).

    Personally, I don't like labels, and qualifying a relationship as adoptive is labeling.

    Question--if it were a stepparent adoption, would you feel the same way?

    Honestly given the horrendous misquote of what i said, i'm not sure you comprehend how i feel to begin with.

     No, I don't. Could you rephrase it so that I can?

  • image fredalina:

    Here's what i'm saying:

    Most of the time, we  have years to get used to the idea of adoption, and it's on our minds constantly as we go through the process.  Most of us choose to tell people about it: friends, family members, close coworkers, maybe neighbors.  We talk about it because we're excited and we want to share our good news.  Maybe we don't tell EVERYONE, but we tell people. 

    If, 2 months after we announce to our BFF that we're going to adopt, our BFF holds a dinner party and introduces us to new people and says, "Mike and Jamie are going to adopt from Korea!" and the new people say, "Oh, how exciting!  When will you find out about your child?", we don't get all offended.  It's said the same way that our BFF might say, "Mike just got back from a year-long mission trip to Indonesia."  "Oh, really?  How exciting!  What was it like?"  And i'm willing to bet we don't get our feathers ruffled at our BFF for that comment at the party.  (And i'm also willing to bet that Mike gets a little tired of telling the story of his mission trip in Indonesia, but he recognizes it's an interesting story, so he shares it, over and over again.)

    BUT as soon as the baby/child is in our home, maybe just a few months old, suddenly the topic of adoption becomes taboo for our friends and family.  It "marginalizes the familial relationship".  When that's not the case at all.  Our friend says it the same way they said it a year earlier when telling people you were *going* to adopt, only now it's "Mike and Jamie just adopted a little boy from Korea."  The new people hear it the same way.  "Oh, really?  Congratulations!  That must have been an exciting process."  But in our ears, it's "highly offensive".

    Sometimes our reactions of becoming offended and "confronting" the person about it come across about like, in response to "Mike just got back from a year-long mission trip to Indonesia", if Mike started whining, "That mission trip was over FOUR MONTHS AGO!  It was one point in time, and it does NOT define me!" 

    i can't believe someone would read my comments and think that i was saying it was perfectly okay for a grandmother to introduce their teenage grandchild years after an adoption to someone as their "adopted granddaughter."  Not in the least.  There are some real turds in the world, maybe even our families.  But 99% of the time, if a comment is made, especially as they will be in the early days after the adoption, it's not an attack on us or our child or our familial relationship, it's just part of the story of how that person came to be part of our families.  And while we've had a lot of time with adoption in the front of our minds, our family and friends have not.  It's still new and exciting to them.  We need to just keep that in mind and keep our panties out of a wad sometimes. 

     

    Well said.  Thank you for clearing up your stance on it.  I think people just thought that your first post a little snarky thats why we kind of got defensive but I TOTALLY agree with 100% of what you said here.  And totally agree! =) 

    "I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine

    "All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."

  • Not going to quote because the thread was getting too long...

    Fred, I TOTALLY get where you're coming from now, and I think we're in violent agreement. Sorry--I've been working for 10 days straight and have some residual jet lag (combined with ADHD induced by the coming long weekend), so I'm sure my reading comprehension is suffering. Plus, I'm sure that I'm intrepreting things through my own lens--which is 4.5 years postadoption for DS#1.

    Glad to hear things are moving forward with your little sweetie!

     

  • I got what yer puttin down Fred.
  • image foundmylazybum:
    I got what yer puttin down Fred.

    LOL. Me too, Fred. I didn't get where you were coming from before either.

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  • I'm a lurker but since I'm an adoptee I thought I could provide my perspective. I was adopted...I don't mind people asking me about it- but as a child I would not have wanted someone to make me feel different. Granted my parents could not have children so I'm the only one- that might have made it easier but although I spent most of my life knowing I was adopted I am my parents child. Nature vs. nurture. I act ALOT like my mom and they are my parents.

    As a future parent and a person that plans to adopt as well- I do not want my children to grow up "different". They will all be my children.

    GL ladies- its sad in 2010 that adoption still has so many misconceptions.

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