When will I become excited for this baby? ...hopefully not flameful.
BrittKav
member
DD was very much wanted and very much planned. The second I got my BFP with her I was in love. I spent every spare moment reading about her development, looking through the baby name book, deciding what to put on my registry. I listened to her heartbeat every night. I talked to her. I could not wait for her to be born. That pregnancy was the most exciting time of my life.
This one was not planned, but it is not unwanted either. We will be able to provide for this one, we have a lot of family support nearby, and we always wanted a big family with kids close together. In fact, we had planned to TTC in August so this pregnancy only came a few months early.
I'm trying so hard, but I am just not excited. I feel awful admitting it, but I feel like I don't even love this baby yet. I thought once I heard the heartbeat or had my first ultrasound, I would feel bonded to him/her...but I don't. Whenever I try to picture this baby in my belly, I think "But I already have my baby!" I can't imagine having another baby and loving him/her as much as DD.
My worst fear is that I won't ever get excited for this pregnancy, and when the baby is born I'll just feel like "Yep, there's a baby" and not really care. I feel so guilty already for spending 1/3 of this pregnancy in a state of apathy. Please tell me I'm not alone, or at least that I'm not crazy. I need some reassurance. I don't know how to feel.
Re: When will I become excited for this baby? ...hopefully not flameful.
I spent the first three or more days crying after I got my BFP. I was devastated, mostly because I felt like we were betraying my dd by getting pregnant when she is so young. We weren't trying/weren't avoiding and we really thought it would take a while to concieve since it took us 11 months with dd.
I'm getting more excited every day, but it's no where near where I was with dd around this time. I'm more scared and nervous than anything else and I still feel bad for my dd. I know I will love my baby when he/see comes. I know you will too. It's just kind of shocking and overwhelming when our babies are so young.
FWIW, I told my doctor something similar. I'm so busy with Jake, I don't have much time to think about being pg. He said this is very normal...and that when the baby is here things will change!!
HUGS to you. I'm soooo sorry honey. I felt the same when we got our big suprise BFP! My OB was really worried b/c I broke down in her office when I found out! Plus I had PPD with my first little one. I'm sorry...I know how you feel...but it will get better and your babies are going to be close in age and so much fun. It's really an interesting dynamic to have 2 babies so close...I wish there was more written about it. The ultrasounds will be cool, picking out names etc. And maybe you could find a way to do something special that is just for #2. Like, we might get a 4D u/s with #2 and we didn't with #1.
The second I held #2 (who was also not planned) I can't even describe the love. It was so different - it was amazing. I told DH that I experienced such an incredible moment...it was like this little baby needed a mommy and daddy and out of anyone in the world she chose us. All she wanted was someone to love her and take care of her.
There is something completely magical about meeting this LO that chose YOU...as opposed to one that you chose to create (which is obviously wonderful too.) It has been the most profound moment of my life.
So, with my first baby, I felt the way a little kid does about Christmas. I was excited for months, could hardly sleep near the end, and every second of preperation felt like some kind of special, magical experience.
With the second, it fellt more like Christmas as an adult. The experience was still special and wonderful, but I didn't get so excited about it. And the preperation felt like preperation.
Of course, this means that when #1 was born, he had "children" for parents who didn't know what they hell they were doing. #2 has more comfortable, laid back "adults" as parents.
We TTC this baby and was still having some of the same feelings you have. It gets better, thats why pregnancy is 9 months long. By the middle I was picturing her and Finn running around, by the end all I wanted was to hold her.
PLus I agree with pp who said that the second child's parents are more mature and laid back. VERY true. I feel bad that Finn had neurotic nervous parents as an infant
It'll get better, dont put so much pressure on yourself. There is nothing like your first pregnancy, but I have to say the second birth was so much more enjoyable, and fun. I bonded with DH even more, and love him SO much more than I could have imagined. I also see my son as a great brother, and protector, and my daughter is my little princess. its different, but great.
THANK YOU. That's a beautiful way to think of it and I think that will help me a lot. I'll have to share this with DH.
<a href="http://s171.photobucket.com/albums/u282/booboo1414/?action=view
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I just teared up.
Such an beautiful way to look at this situation. THANK YOU for posting this; I'm crying now after I read this. I feel the exact same way as the pp & you have made me once again realize how amazing this new little one will be & what a special place it will have in our lives. Thank you for your amazing words!!!!
I feel the same way about Baby #2, then I feel guilty for feeling guilty, and then I feel like I am failing both my kids because I am ruining DS' life by having another baby and ruining Baby #2's life because I am not as excited about him/her as I was about DS. Add to that the fact that I basically had the perfect life when I was pregnant with DS and now I have a lot more stress: taking care of DS, a hubby that travels more than he used to for work, and a father with advanced cancer. I told my midwife all this and she said, "Welcome to second pregnancies, momma" (in a very sweet way). Then she told me that her third pregnancy was unplanned and during a very stressful time in her life, and her third son is the most mellow and loving of her three boys. So that made me feel better.
I think it's very natural to have mixed emotions, especially when you planned for so long to have baby #1 (we tried for a year), and baby #2 was a surprise. Everyone I talk to says they felt the same way but once they held their baby, all the apprehension melted away, and you just feel love. Plus, what baby #2 will lack in full-on parental attention, it will make up for in sibling attention and having less anxious parents. I am in my third trimester and I still feel more stress about this baby than excitement, but I think it will change once the baby is here. I do love it, but it's definitely a different love than what I felt when I was pregnant with my son. Hang in there!