Community› The Bump Local Boards› North Dakota Babies
North Dakota Babies
New Discussion

Competition between grandparents

sillybiochemistsillybiochemist
in North Dakota Babies

I can't believe this is already starting.  Biggest culprit is my mom.  No one else really cares except that the little one has what he needs, which I fully appreciate.  DH's parents left Tuesday morning and my mom is already pestering me about what they bought and how much they spent for little one.  She did come in the weekend before and bought a crap load of stuff, which we fully appreciate, but I don't understand why it is SO important that she knows what other people have contributed.  My mom is also the most financially stable of all the grandparents due to job transitions (in part due to the economy) so she's realistically able to give the most.  We haven't asked for anyone to pay for anything because of this, trying to handle it ourselves (which BTW is financially possible even if it is a bit tight to buy EVERYTHING but we could have managed the basics no problem).  Not to mention the fact we decided to have a kid and feel as though we ought to foot the bill.

My current working theory on handling this is to tell my mom that she needs to worry about her own finances and not worry about my dad's finances (they've been divorced for 8 years) or my in-law's finances regarding making contributions towards the baby.  And that she shouldn't spend any more than she's comfortable spending.  So in her last email I answered everything she asked me about except for the "what did DH's parents buy for baby" part.  My hope is that we can neutralize this early but I'm not holding my breath.

Any suggestions for what you've done (or seen done) to help  deal with the green eyed monster?  

Report Reply to Post

Re: Competition between grandparents

  • modom3278modom3278
    I wish I had some good advice!  We, too, are beginning to see this with our parents.  MIL told me that if she finds out we told my parents our baby's name before her she would be very upset.  Ugh...so do we need to have a conference call to announce every detail?!?!  Anyways - I think the only thing you can do is be understanding and gentle, but firm with your mom.  If you explain in a nice way that it would be impossible to keep tabs on who's done what and that baby will have enough love for everyone, hopefully she will catch on.  Good luck!  I think it's tough enough for parents to share their own children with in-laws when they get married, but then to also have to share their grandchildren must be even more difficult to learn to live with.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • MissMexMissMex member

    We are in the same boat in so many ways. We could totally do it ourselves, but our families are determined to help us, which we really appreciate.  

    We have 3 sets of GP's, but the competition is mainly between my parents and MIL & SFIL. MIL & SFIL are not in a place to contribute anything financially and I know they do feel bad about that. Since I knew people were going to spend $ regardless, we kind of directed them in area we knew would be possible for them. My mom really wanted to buy a stroller for us, so I let her. We did a lot of research together which was a fun pre-baby activity in itself. If you could steer you mom towards one big ticket item it might be helpful for her to have focus towards one thing, and the $ she might spend on lots of little things will be used in one area. If you have time to do research w/ her or have her do it on her own, she might feel that she getting the "best" which could curb her need to feed the monster. :)

    MIL & SFIL always ask us what we want or need. Again, since they aren't in the position to give bigger items, we ask for things we know they can give, like toys or burp cloths. They have a few friends w/ grandkids, so we accepted an extra bouncer and swing to have on hand that were in good condition. The porblems have come form some of the other used items they want to give us or use that have been recalled.

    I do rec having a talk w/ each GP before baby is born, something to the gist of "we have a lot of people who are going to love baby, we hope you can all get along and remember that". We still have a lot of issues w/ jealousy and whatnot, but it's helped somewhat.

    image

    K+S 9.18.9 | DD #1 age 2 | PG # 5 EDD 9.17.12

    Report Reply
  • sillybiochemistsillybiochemist

    Good idea about the small things for the GP that might have tighter finances.  I thought about this but hadn't talked to DH about it yet.  I think that's the way to go on that issue.

    My mom has already purchased a few big ticket items.  Here's her list so far: crib mattress, co-sleeper bassinet, stroller frame, & gave money for car seat and high chair (which I'm holding onto for a bit to see if we need it for something else & when certain coupons kick in).   She's also planning on giving us money to start a college fund (based on my insistence that she not spend all her money on stuff the kid won't even remember).  I'd rather the little one remember that grandma helped him go to college than grandma bought X, Y, & Z when I was a baby.  The problem is she wants to know how much everyone else is contributing which is driving me nuts.  I also had told her that if she handed me a large amount of cash that I was going to put the bulk of it toward a college fund or at minimum a savings account.

    We're really grateful but I hate gifts that come with strings attached. 

    Report Reply
  • Mrs.Gale920Mrs.Gale920
    sorry you are having to deal with this already!!!
    Photobucket AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"