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Can't invite DHs family to shower?
Good morning!
DH's mom just informed us that she can't throw us a shower. Mainly because they live 5 hours away from the rest of their family and it would be too hard to plan. (We live 8 hours away from both locations).
I am perfectly fine with this.
My aunt will be having a shower for us, but my close family comprises 40+ people. My bridal shower was held in a big tent outside, and i only invited about 4 friends.
I don't see how we can invite the 20+ people from his family that will now be left out since MIL isn't hosting (I know none of them will host either).
My main question is: is it completely rude of me to not invite DH's aunts and counsins even though there is a shower taking place?
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Re: Can't invite DHs family to shower?
I would ask DH what he thinks. It's his family so he should have a better feel about what they'd think.
I'd think you'd want to invite them, but it's a tough call. Good luck!
We might have a decent turnout from his family- they are only 1.5 hours from my hometown where all of my family is and the shower would be.
Our drive is the long one.
You should invite his mom and any IMMEDIATE family who is close to DH. sisters, perhaps an aunt or so. Bu tyou don't know to invite his entire family. It's too bad his mom can't throw a shower, but she isn't the only one. Someone can!
Your hostess should NOT feel obligated to go grossly over their budget to accomodate DH's family. It's not your hostesses responsibility to include everyone. SOmeone else in his family could step forward if they wanted to.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This.
I agree also. Very close family (your MIL, SIL's) I think warrant an invite, but you aren't obligated to invite everyone under the sun from his family if it's an event one of your relatives is hosting as an event for your family.
No, it's not rude - there are space constraints.
Family members (especially out of town family) don't have to be invited to all of the showers.
I was in the same senario only not because of distance but b/c MIL just kept putting it off and then wanted to schedule it when it was a good possibility I could be in the hospital with DS. So I contacted my aunt who was throwing a shower on the one side and asked if my MIL could help out and in return invite DH side of the family as well. My aunt was renting a place anyway and MIL helped pay for rental, food, decorations etc and we had one big shower with everyone.
Worked out great! DS was there and only ogt passes around for one day rather than a couple of days which is great b/c he doesn't like large groups of people and spends much of the time sleeping or "playing possum" which we then would pay for at night b/c he wouldn't sleep at night after sleeping all day...so it was a win for everyone.
My mom is throwing my shower, so I only invited my man's mom, sister, grandma, and one aunt. I talked to him about it and he's not very close with his other two aunts, so they weren't invited. I don't know your DH's family personally, so it's really your call. But even though you send them an invite doesn't mean they'll attend. Still, 20+ people is a lot. I say skip all the cousins and extended family.
I have to agree with some of the other commentators here: DH's mother and any female siblings should be invited, but you shouldn't feel the need to invite his entire family. And I also agree this is something you need to discuss with your Aunt, since she is hosting.
Diddo...a good friend of mine is hostessing, I have family far and wide, and those I am close with are invited regardless of distance because it makes them feel included even if they cannot attend.
i think it would be best if you do invite people on both sides, certainly not excluding all of one side and have a lot from another side. if you cannot make space for the entire crowd then you need to be limiting BOTH sides. also you might consider making the invites early and getting rsvps early because maybe not that many people could come anyway, and you could maybe customize your plans to the number of guests. Could you have like a picnic at a park or something, if you truly will have a lot of guests.
Also, maybe you could see if someone else, even your MIL might be able to "host" if you or someone else local can do more of the logistical planning.
You should atleast invite them. That then leaves the ball in their court about wether they want to or can show up. Its very rude not to invite them since they are your family.
My husband and I both come from large families to begin with and on top of that we also come from split families so for by bridal shower I actually had my future MIL help me make a list of people from my husband's side of the family that should be invited to my shower (my mother was hosting his wasn't). My mother didn't want more than 40 people coming since she was footing the bill all by herself. So MIL helped me put a list together, but we only invited aunts and first cousins of my husband. None of them could come, next thing I knew the MIL decided to throw me a second bridal shower because the rest of the women in her family kept asking when I was going to have one. It was quite embarassing for me because we had to lie and tell her family I never had one, and then I had to lie and keep the second shower a secreat from my family. So atleast invite them and after that leave it up to them what to do.