Stages of Grief? Anger? — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Stages of Grief? Anger?

Anyone else feel insanely ANGRY? I have spent the last several days in a general state of POed...

Yesterday the fire alarms went off at work so we all had to evacuate the building. I saw 8 huge PG bellies outthere....I just wanted to run to my car and go home.

Today, I got home and I was just so aggravated. At everyone....about everything. DH was talking me into going for a walk so I finally put my shoes on and went outside. I spent the entire walk ranting, yelling, and crying. Why me? How many times do I have to be the 1 in 3, the 1 in 8, the 1 in 50...Why does this have to be ONE MORE THING in my life that doesn't happen "as normal" or "as it is supposed to?"

I don't believe in god...but I have so much anger at the world right now. I thought that anger was one of the first stages of grief. (denial, anger, sadness...) but I have cried and cried in the nearly 6 weeks since my surgery. Am I going backward?

 I know these feelings are not logically accurate. I have a lot of wonderful things in my life and other people have things much harder than me, but I don't feel a lot of appreciation right now.

My negative ranting is (I think) taking a toll on DH's mood/feelings too. I hate making him feel bad..but I just can't keep it all in sometimes. I just want to scream and scream until my voice is gone.

Re: Stages of Grief? Anger?

  • wow - it just became clear to me that my very random anger makes sense. Recently I have been totally shocked with my blitz anger at totally strange thing, for example, a person in front of me was driving the speed limit and I WAS ON TIME - but I still freaked out and started muttering about the person in front of me.

     thanks for sharing so that I could learn. 


  • Anger's definitely a part of grief, but it's one that I think a lot of people have trouble with - I know I did. We're not often taught to deal effectively with anger, it's more likely that we're taught to try to diffuse it or stuff it rather than live in it and accept that it's a normal part of our emotional range. When my fiance was killed in 2001, I had a sh*tload of delayed anger after his loss, which I dealt with by installing a punching bag up in my garage and kicking/beating the snot out of it as needed. Probably not right for everyone but it worked well for me.

    Another thing I learned through that loss is that grief doesn't always have true "stages" that you progress through, and these stages are more like  "elements" that go along with grieving. You may feel acceptance at a certain point and then anger or sadness will come back later on. It's simply not a linear process, and knowing this helped me a lot whenever I'd think whoa, I shouldn't be feeling a certain emotion at this stage. Hope this helps and I'm wishing you strength and peace.

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