weight related - no flames please (long)
I was hoping to not gain more than 20 pounds this pregnancy. The weather and subsequent breathing problems have made my daily walk impossible the last few weeks, and despite the fact that i'm eating EXTREMELY healthily, today, at 17 weeks, i'm up 10 pounds.
That's halfway to my goal and i'm not even 20 weeks yet.
I'm amazingly dejected.
It doesn't help (and PLEASE don't flame me for this - i feel bad enough about it as it is) that my sister has now lost 118 pounds, and looks awesome. Yesterday, my mom and i were supposed to just go out, and go shopping the two of us, and my sister came along last minute. Please know that i'm extremely proud of her, but my having to buy clothes because i'm getting bigger while I'm hearing all day about how much weight she has lost really upset me. I can't eat my regular staples (salad, grilled veggies and chicken breast) right now because of food aversions, and even though i'm eating fairly healthy, aversions considered, i just can't eat the same way anymore, and i'm starting to get terrified that the 60 pounds I took off 2 years ago are going to start creeping back on.
I even had a cookie last night (75 calories), and I feel so guilty about it.
I cried a lot last night. DH is going to borrow a treadmill from a friend, which we don't have room for, but I don't care. We're going to put it right in the living room, and at least I'll be able to keep walking during the summer now. Maybe that will help.
It certainly doesn't help that I finally got new bras yesterday. two of them. 38G.
seriously?
G?
And my band size is up 2 inches. Already. you've got to be kidding me.
I feel like such a whale. And i'm barely showing already. I want to start doing profile pictures, but i'm so disgusted with how I look right now, that i haven't.
I'm so pathetic.
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Re: weight related - no flames please (long)
Try not to get too down on yourself. You've got a BABY growing in there! It's not a ten pound gain from eating too many ding-dongs (well...maybe mine is!). And even though your baby isn't ten pounds, there are tons of other things going on with your body (hence the G cup size). I know it's hard; I'm having a hard time with just gaining 3 pounds in 9 weeks. I know you know in your heart it's worth it and you're doing whatever you can to carry and happy, healthy little one.
I like to walk the beach a lot-let me know if you ever want to go. It's cooler there, and you get a nice breeze! We could even walk earlier in the morning, so it doesn't even start to get hot from the sun.
Hang in there, (((HUGS)))
Diagnosed PCOS & MFI-Success with IUI
Don't you work during the day? When do you have time to go there?
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"If dandelions were hard to grow, they would be most welcome on any lawn."
Sweetie....
You are not pathetic at all. I know you are overjoyed at being pregnant, as we all are, but ya know what? Pregnancy is hard. Really hard. I don't think that anyone or thing every really prepares us for how much our bodies change and how pregnancy affects everything. I have the world's worst carpel tunnel- when my dr told me that is was from pregnancy swelling, I was floored! Who the hell knew that was even possible?
I guess my point is, all of us spent so much time trying to get pregnant, that I would bet that not many of us every really thought much past the getting there part. We are all still the same people we were before we got pregnant, with the same insecurities and fears- I think we just tend to feel guilty about them because we should feel so "grateful" for being pregnant. And the feeling guilty part- we need to let that go. I had to learn that the hard way, too when it came to being so sick. I thought I should have to just grin and bear it because I was pregnant and lucky. So.not.true.
It is okay to complain. It is okay to feel uncomfortable. It is okay to feel unsettled about all of the changes pregnancy brings. Yes, you are infertile and lucky to be on the other side, but ya know what, hon? You are still human. And, regardless of how much weight you have put on, I bet you are still gorgeous!
Diagnosed PCOS & MFI-Success with IUI
Aw...I completely understand!! Its really hard to let go of weight issues when pregnant!! Just make a conscious effort to eat healthy most of the time (and to eat enough!!)...honestly, your body will gain what it needs to and when it needs to. My friend that is due the exact same day as me gained all of her weight in the first trimester...she hasn't gained a pound since the middle of the second (and she was freaking out because she gained like 20 pounds early on!!). Everyone's bodies are different...and even if you were to end up gaining alot more than you would like, you have lost the weight once and you can do it again!!! a lot of it will come off quickly after giving birth and then you will likely just have to fuss with the last few pounds (at least that seems to be how most people are telling it when they come back to the third tri board to tell us about PP weight loss).
(((Hugs!!)))
What keeps me from getting obsessive on the weight front is that I know how to lose it. I've done it before so I KNOW I can do it again.
(((HUGS)))
IVF #1-4=BFN IVF #5=BFP! U/S on 5/3 revealed TWINS!
TTC #1 - May 2010 - IUI #3: BFP
TTC #2 - May 2012 -IUI #2: BFP
smilee said it well. pregnancy is hard, really hard . . . so please don't beat yourself up.
i've really struggled with body image--i'm up about 27 pounds at 26 weeks, so i'm looking at probably at least a 40 pound weight gain. this isn't too terrible from a medical perspective, since my doctor recommended 35 for me, but boy, do i feel self-conscious about the changes in my appearance.
i guess what keeps my spirits up is knowing that i've lost weight before and i can do it again, and i WILL return to my target weight after the baby comes. you're obviously very good at weight loss since you've lost so much before, so i have no doubt that you'll take all of these pounds off soon after the baby comes.
i also really try to focus on the parts of pregnancy appearance that make me feel pretty. it will be MUCH easier in a few weeks when you have more of a pregnant-looking abdomen--you can dress it up in pretty maternity clothes and focus on what a gorgeous pregnant woman you are. it just takes some work to train your brain to see pregnancy-gorgeous as what it is--because it's inevitably very different from non-pregnancy-gorgeous.
hang in there sweetie. (((hugs)))
I feel this way too sometimes. I recently lost 60lbs. I try to limit getting on the scale to once a week and just try to make good choices everyday. It doesn't always work out like that...I ate a bagel and cream cheese today...haven't done that in over a year (too many Points). But, tomorrow I will try again and hopefully my usual greek yogurt and honey will be appealing to me for breakfast or eating salad won't make my stomach turn.
Keep your chin up, know you are not alone and keep coming here for support.
Smilee - I really liked what you said and appreciate your perspective. I sometimes find myself feeling bad for complaining about how crappy I feel but, after reading your post, I realize I don't need to feel bad for feeling bad
Thanks!
I don't think your weight gain is bad at all for that time! I'm pretty sure I was more than 10lbs heavier at 18 weeks. And, I was already up from a 36B to a 38C/D by then.
Try not to let it get to you - I know - easier said than done. I went through the same exact issues you are going through right now. Now at 30 weeks, I'm embracing and getting comfortable with the fact I'm going to gain more than I wanted to...but keeping in perspective that I still feel good and it's not much longer. Yes, losing the weight will suck, but I'll deal with that when it comes.
Also - my sister just lost about 20lbs since I got pregnant...it IS so hard to watch her lose weight while I'm gaining...I am totally jealous of how good she looks and terrified I won't get back to where she is.
Hang in there.
Perfectly said, Smilee!
Things with pregnancy really just don't go the way you plan. And I also think you're at an awkward stage. Before I started to look obviously pregnant, I couldn't believe how huge I looked. I really think you might feel better about things when you're wearing real maternity clothes - let yourself be pg then and stop saying you're fat. Eat as healthfully as possible and don't beat yourself up. You lost that weight before and if some of it comes back, you will lose it again. How long will you be home after the baby comes? I'll come and walk with you too!
I had really planned to work out during my pregnancy thinking it would be healthier and make labor easier. Exhaustion was immediately followed by crippling sciatica and I haven't been able to exercise at all. I'm going to start walking after he comes and hopefully the weight will come off. I haven't gained too much with pg, but put on 25lbs before. Blah.
That was totally me! I spent all this time, energy, emotion, and money to get pregnant--but I knew SO little about actually being pregnant. It was a giant "what now" feeling for me.
I put on 50 pounds trying to get pregnant (well, that and moving from the middle of nowhere to a location near restaurants and the like. . .), so I started out at my heaviest. I put on between 30-35 pounds with my pregnancy and lost it ALL within 10 days of delivering (I may have put on more with all the fluids they pumped into me, thanks to pre-e & HELLP). I am now about 20 pounds lighter than when I got pregnant. And--I have not been mindful of what I eat.
Anyway. . . I did not take pictures until I was 27 weeks along because I did not like how I looked. I had vowed never to post pictures. . . but, once I really started showing, I felt much better about my big ol' belly!
Being pregnant is hard. Yes, it is something that we wanted very badly, but that does not mean that we don't struggle with the feelings and emotions that accompany our expanding bodies and raging hormones.
Be kind to yourself. You are growing a life inside of you. Its hard work--made even more difficult when it is hot out and you are limited in what you can do.
Hang in there. . . amazing to consider, but a year from now, you will likely look back wistfully at your pregnancy. That's where I am (and I never felt good while pregnant!).
oh Gen, no flames from me. I've gained 6 pounds in 10.5 weeks and I was crying my eyes out two nights ago. I think it's the skinny girl gone fat syndrome. My whole life I've been body obsessed, I run, I spin, I am a cardio machine, I eat measured foods and lately I've had to put that on the back burner.
Seeing the babies look like babies and seeing how much they are growing today put it back in perspective for me, but I still don't always feel pretty anymore. It's hard. I fought for this, and I'm happy to be pregnant, but the changes that your body undergoes are hard to wrap your head around sometimes.
Even if you gained 25 pounds instead of 20 you'd still be fine. As long as you are mostly making healthy choices and you are gaining slowly you will lose the weight! Big (((HUGS)))