- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Natural Birth
anyone else feeling nervous?
I am excited beyond belief about being a mom, but...
there are moments where I get super nervous about not being a good enough mom, or that I am going to do some irreparable damage to my child in some way. I am sure that these fleeting moments of nervousness are normal, but still, it makes me a little scared....
anyone else have moments where they wonder if they are going to be able to do a good job?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: anyone else feeling nervous?
We wanted this more than anything else in the world, but there are moments when I think...maybe we aren't ready, maybe I won't be a good mom, maybe our baby won't like me, maybe I won't enjoy being a mom. I love kids and have lots of experience so I know that I am being irrational, but I still have these thoughts. Honestly, I would worry about anyone who didn't have concerns, because that would mean they do not realize the magnitude of what it means to be a parent.
I'm sure you will be a wonderful mommy. Will you make mistakes? Sure, so will I, but as long as we love our babies and do the best we can for our children it will all work out.
Yes. I am excited too, but I am not a very maternal person (I don't think I've ever held a baby for longer than 10 minutes, and I certainly haven't changed any diapers). I have spent so much time preparing for the labor and delivery part of this, that sometimes I worry how I am going to handle the next 18 years part.
But, I just try to put things into perspective. I am mature, responsible, creative, financially a-ok, I have a great husband, and we are going to be fantastic parents--I mean we've managed to keep our dog alive and thriving for years now
. We're just going to take it one day at a time, and I know we'll be fine. Just take a deep breath. No one knows what they're doing at first, but you'll manage and you'll learn and you will have more love for that baby than you ever imagined.
I definitely have the OMG-I'm going to raise a human being-can I really do this?!? moments.
Everytime I find something new out about newborns I'm just like oh sh*t, what if I didn't find this out until it was too late? For instance, in my Hypobirthing class I learned that you're supposed to put babies (briefly) on their stomachs so they get used to working their neck muscles from the beginning. I thought you didn't do this until a little while later. I also learned that it might not be a good idea to keep babies in carseats for too long (like when they're napping in the seat in the house) because it's not the best position for them to breathe and could interfere with their respiration. And I never knew about delayed cord clamping until a few weeks ago! I still have to do more research on stuff like this since I'm a research-aholic, but I just can't stop thinking about what other little things are out there that I just don't know about!
I think worrying is normal especially for first time moms
Not exactly the source that I would usually look at for parenting advice, but the other day I was casually perusing Freakonomics to see the "education level" of the names that we've picked and I noticed that there was a "What Makes the Perfect Parent?" chapter. It caught my attention and I decided to re-read it, out of curiosity.
The main thesis seemed to be that it's not what you "do," it's primarily who you "are," that determines your child's success (and "success" in this was primarily based upon child test scores, as this is quantifiable - "happiness," etc, is harder to quantify). So it is limited in terms of how it defines "success," but I thought it was interesting none-the-less.
Here are the some factors that are strongly correlated (not causation, mind you) with high test scores:
-The child has highly educated parents
-The child's parents have high socioeconomic status
-The child's mother was 30 or older at the time of her first child's birth
-The child's parents speak English in the home
-The child's parents are involved in the PTA
-The child has many books in the home
Now, of course, there are always outliers. My husband grew up in a family where his father was educated in communist Poland and never attended school beyond the 10th grade. His parents were working class and his mother was not over 30 when she had him. They did not speak English in the home. His mom was involved in the PTA and they did have a lot of books. Anyway, he went to Johns Hopkins for undergrad, UC Berkeley for law school and Harvard for his MPA. So, again, these factors are correlation factors - not causation factors.
Just thought I'd throw this out there for the heck of it! I just really liked the idea that it's who you "are" - are you already someone who takes education seriously? etc. - not so much what you "do." If you already "are" someone who values certain things, then you will "do" the right thing for your child.
I'm totally nervous. I'm afraid of my overbearing ILs, finances, my ability to finish my PhD and be in a new Master's program while in third tri, my ability to parent well, what it's going to mean to be intensely introverted and also at the beck and cal of a tiny human, finances, my relationship with DH...
Bugbear was/is very unexpected. We were actively avoiding, and yet here we are. I think the thing that has helped me most was during one freakout when I asked specifically for advice about fears and parenting from women whose pregnancies weren't planned, and I got a million responses from women whose pregnancies were planned, and still feared the same things I did (do), and have wonderful children whom they love dearly.
I like the PP's idea that if you're worried about being a good parent, you're going to be fine, because bad parents don't worry about whether they're good. I might just put that on an index card over my mirror
Mother's Day, 2011
Both DH and I are of the opinion that as long as we don't make the same mistakes that our parents made (and since DH stuck around after our first was born, he's already doing WAY better than his dad ever did!), that we'll do fine. All parents make mistakes, it's how you deal with that which will determine how your children end up.
Oh, and if you screw up the first one, you can always have a few more
We're planning on three, so odds are we'll have at least one good kid out of the group!