throwing your own shower

ladydi2u · June 2010

Hi ladies,

So I have a question about throwing my own baby shower. I recently got married and my bridesmaids threw my bridal shower. It was a disaster. The event itself was nice, but behind the scenes there were lots of fighting and tension. It left a very bad taste in my mouth. Now I'm wondering what to do about the baby shower. I know that traditionally your friend(s) throw it for you, but given what happened last time, that seems like a bad idea. My mother could throw it but is not in a financial position to do it all alone. Is it tacky for me to throw it myself?

Simply Fated · June 2010

ladydi2u:
Is it tacky for me to throw it myself?

Yes, it is.

K.a.T.e · June 2010

Yes it is tacky to throw it yourself

dsobz · June 2010

While I agree you shouldn't throw your own shower, you could do what I am doing and tell your host you would like to have it at your home. Maybe that would give you a little more control over any potential disasters....just be sure you aren't planning the shower itself or acting as the host at your house.

babyonthebrain2010 · June 2010

yep, it's pretty much always considered tacky to throw your own shower... in fact, in many places/circles it's tacky for a mother or close family member to throw the shower, as well... I'd just sit back and wait to see who offers and don't be too picky about who's throwing it if you really want one. worst case scenario, you could have your mom host one at your house, and you could help her with some of the financial stuff.. but that should not be apparent to any of the guests.

Stellar1 · June 2010

I would not throw it myself. Can you just help your mom with the planning?

EastCoastBride · June 2010

Showers are not a "right" that all women get. They are a gift given to you by someone. And as it's a blatant cry for "buy me stuff", yes, it's super tacky to throw your own.

That being said, if your mom wants to be the hostess in name but you want to pay for it, that's fine. But this should be very behind the scenes.

CrazyToast · June 2010

Yes, it's tacky to throw your own shower.

I agree with PP - it's a gift for someone to throw you a shower, and it should be someone who offers. You can always help with planning. I know my hostess wanted my input on things like the invitation design, foods I wanted to eat, etc.

Wait and see if someone will offer to throw you one. I had a friend offer that totally surprised me - but my DH's aunt had already offered.

dragon_chica · June 2010

Ditto what everyone said. I also want to add that if someone decides to throw a shower for you technically you shouldn't be involved with the shower planning beyond what date works for you, the registry, food preferences, and guest list. Your bridal shower hostesses should not have pulled you into their drama. If a friend does step up make it clear that the aforementioned is all you're getting involved in and if they have any issues they need to work it out amongst themselves like adults and not include you in the stress.

pawcall · June 2010

Agreeing with PP. Either wait for someone to offer, or if your mom wants to throw it and you happen to give her some money to relieve the financial burden, that's up to you. You really can't throw your own shower.

kimberleigh30 · June 2010

ladydi2u:

Is it tacky for me to throw it myself?

If you have to ask then - YES

heatherglen814 · June 2010

EastCoastBride:
Showers are not a "right" that all women get. They are a gift given to you by someone. And as it's a blatant cry for "buy me stuff", yes, it's super tacky to throw your own.
That being said, if your mom wants to be the hostess in name but you want to pay for it, that's fine. But this should be very behind the scenes.

Completely agree with this!

googs78 · June 2010

I have two best friends that hate each other and wanted to throw my shower, but were causing me alot of stress, so my DH stepped in!!! and it turned out great. Maybe your DH or mom could deligate what needs to be done to your friends so there is no fussing between them. I have a very close family and friends and none of my shower guest felt any kind of way that my DH did the organizing and my friends assisted.

erin033 · June 2010

CrazyToast:

Yes, it's tacky to throw your own shower.

I agree with PP - it's a gift for someone to throw you a shower, and it should be someone who offers. You can always help with planning. I know my hostess wanted my input on things like the invitation design, foods I wanted to eat, etc.

Wait and see if someone will offer to throw you one. I had a friend offer that totally surprised me - but my DH's aunt had already offered.

This!

TulipsAndChampagne · June 2010

ladydi2u:
My mother could throw it but is not in a financial position to do it all alone.

Let your mother "host" it and you just pay for everything...I ended up doing this as my hostess' husband lost his job right after she offered to host my shower. She was grateful for the financial help, and I was grateful for the shower.

ladydi2u:
Is it tacky for me to throw it myself?

Sure is. Why would you host a party in honor of yourself?

hopefulmom · June 2010

I agree with ALL of the others. Most likely you will get a couple of posts that say..."sure, it is OK to throw your own shower, blah, blah, blah"...but they are not concerned whatsoever with what is proper and what is not. Some people have no problem going against the norm in this situation but guests WILL talk about them (behind their back).

If your mom wants to host it let her and you can just pay for everything...and even help. Guests really would not know you did most everything and piad for it...unless you or our mom tells them.

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