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Blended Families
clondo
member
Is BM serious?
clondo
member
I found out this weekend that BM and the kids are moving back in with her parents. Wow! She clears $6k a month and her mortgage is only $1400 plus a car payment of $400. She doesn't really have any bills because when she refi'd, she paid them all off. The only reason I know this is because BM complains about it to me. My DH helped her do a loan modification which decreased the mortgage $1k and after all that she is voluntarily walking away from the house. She isn't trying to sell it or rent it out at all, just packing and abandoning it. I have a feeling that this is a way for her to blame DH for all her "problems". I really wish I could have those "problems". That paycheck would be nice, owning a house would be nice and having a new car would be great! Unfortunately, we can't do that right now because DH is giving her more CS than CO. Plus, when the kids come over for the weekends, they have ratty shoes or clothes with holes in them. So I take them shopping for new clothes. This past weekend, I took DH's youngest DD shopping and I told her that the clothes will be staying at our house. I hate to do it, but it's something that must be done. 
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Re: Is BM serious?
Why is your DH giving more $ than CO, especially if its a hardship on your family? Why do you continue to take them shopping? What about holding BM accountable? Does your DH question WHY they have crappy clothes? I see nothing wrong with keeping the clothes you bought at your house for her to use.
I would stop talking to her about her finances. You are obviously keeping track and becoming bitter, which is understandable, however what she does with her money is not your business. Also, if she's clearing that much, the back WILL go after her for the rest.
First, stop talking to her about finances. I mean really, you only know what she is telling you.
Second, stop paying anything other than what the CO states. If you do more than necessary, then you cannot complain about it. Its YOUR choice.
Third, if you are buying them clothes for your house, leave it at your house. I am betting that BM is sending them to your place in their rattiest clothes so she won't loose the good stuff. Do the same.
And finally, talk to your DH about this. Get on the same page.
Well, depending on what state you all live in, she might not be able to just up and walk away from her house, if she in fact does have positive cash flow and the means to pay for it. She is, afterall, contractually bound to pay that mortgage. If your state is one of the ridiculous ones that allow that, with no recourse from the bank (many states allow banks to go after people that do that, and right now when so many are legitmately in foreclosure, they WILL go after those that they can) then at the very least she is absolutely killing her credit score, so she won't be living the high life much longer.
WTH is your H doing paying more CS than ordered if you all are so desperate for money, and so financially strapped? Either you are poor poor money managers, or your H is being an idiot. IDK which one it is, but it certainly is one of the two. You need to figure it out.
Stop comparing your life to hers. If in fact she is clearing 6K a month, chances are she is working damn hard for that money, how she chooses to spend it is up to her. Yes, she should be making her childrens needs a priority, and honestly, IDK if she isn't.