Multiples

Was your pregnancy planned?

Isn't that question so rude? I just got asked that for the second or third time today. (I assume it is because everyone thinks we are crazy having one so close to our daughter, who is 18 months now.)

Today the person posted this on my FB status, where my status was a quick update from my OB appointment today saying everything was good. I tried to brush off the comment nicely (I said something like "Well, twins wasn't planned!") and she said "No, I mean your pregnancy."

So I finally went a little catty and said "Well we always planned on having more than one child. Was your pregnancy planned?" Since she is currently pregnant too. I haven't seen a response yet. 

Too mean?

I just don't get how this is ever an okay question. I mean, what does it matter. Babies are coming regardless if I planned it or not. I guess I am sensitive today but this really peeves me.

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Re: Was your pregnancy planned?

  • What a totally inappropriate question.  We got asked that a few times with DS as we had only been married 10 months when we got pregnant and had just graduated college/grad school when we found out.  I always answered "Planned by God."  Haven't gotten it this time since our DS is going to be almost 5 (people asked if we were going to have another for the past 4 years ;)).  No one has asked us if our twins were IVF or "natural".  We didn't use any fertility treatments and twins run in my family.  I don't think that is an appropriate question either. 

    The bottom line is: Who cares if you planned them or not?  Some people plan and have to wait.  Some people plan and try and get pregnant the first time.  Some people get pregnant by surprise.  Some have to get help to get their babies.  Some have twins (or more) by surprise.  All that matters is that they are all gifts from God and planned by God and we should not care one way or the other how or why they are here.

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  • Someone asked me, "Were twins planned?"  That really cracked me up.
  • imageGymDogFran:
    Someone asked me, "Were twins planned?"  That really cracked me up.

    You should have said, "Yes, I commanded my ovaries to shoot out two eggs." ;)

  • imageMrsLee04:

    I think your response was fine.

    I was asked last weekend if I was "expecting it to be twins?"  I think the person was basically trying to ask if we used fertility treatments without coming right out and asking.

    I've had a ton of people ask me straight out if we had IVF. We didn't, but I'm just amazed that people think it's their business! I always want to say something snarky like, "No, we had sex. Want to know what position we did it in?" but I never do...

  • I was about to open this and tell you how annoying that question is haha!
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  • imageredshoegirl:
    imageMrsLee04:

    I think your response was fine.

    I was asked last weekend if I was "expecting it to be twins?"  I think the person was basically trying to ask if we used fertility treatments without coming right out and asking.

    I've had a ton of people ask me straight out if we had IVF. We didn't, but I'm just amazed that people think it's their business! I always want to say something snarky like, "No, we had sex. Want to know what position we did it in?" but I never do...

    someone on here had the best response ever......"we did it doggie style and got a litter."  

  • Yeah, people can be amazingly inappropriate. If I were asked that by a sister or VERY close friend it wouldn't bother me (but then, they knew I was TTC) but basically if you have to ask, the person probably doesn't want you to know. ;)
    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
  • imagelgurian:
    imageredshoegirl:
    imageMrsLee04:

    I think your response was fine.

    I was asked last weekend if I was "expecting it to be twins?"  I think the person was basically trying to ask if we used fertility treatments without coming right out and asking.

    I've had a ton of people ask me straight out if we had IVF. We didn't, but I'm just amazed that people think it's their business! I always want to say something snarky like, "No, we had sex. Want to know what position we did it in?" but I never do...

    someone on here had the best response ever......"we did it doggie style and got a litter."  

    :::dead:::

    Awesomeness! Big Smile 

  • The question I get the most is "do twins run in your family?" Thankfully, my maternal grandmother had twins so I can say yes, even though we had a little help from fertility drugs/shots/IUI....but it shuts them up! :)
  • I've had plenty of people straight out ask me if I had fertility treatments? One person at work that I don't even know well asked me that and I said no (as I really just didn't want to tell them, don't even really know them, etc). He said "oh, good, those people who do fertility treatments really just deserve whatever they get" - like it was a horrible thing! I didn't even know what to say! Most people just ask if twins run in the family - just the nice way of asking about fertility treatments in my opinion - I just say "well, they do now!". :)

  • Off-topic, yet on-topic:

    I just find it hilarious.

    This pg was planned b/c I wanted DD to have a sibling very close in age so it was almost like having a twin... then I found out I'm expecting twins, which kind of defeats the purpose, but I'm totally falling in love with the idea, so we'll roll with it Wink

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  • Ugh.  I HATE that question.  That's been asked about a dozen times, I've been asked if twins run in the family about 30x and I've even been asked by two people if we did fertility treatments.  What in the hell gives people the right to ask that?

    Twins do run in my family and DH's family, but people are too dumb to know that it doesn't matter about DH's side, so we just say "yep, both sides."  As for the fertility question, I just say, no.  If I wanted someone to know, I'd tell them.  Nosy b!tches.

    TTC since Jan. 07
    6 IUIs,IVF #1 w/ICSI = BFP!
    Betas, 332 & 856 = twins!

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    Our baby girl is here!
  • Every single person likes to ask that question. I get it! I was unmarried when I got pregnant. What do you think? After a while, I just heard it so often that it didn't bother me.
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