WHY would you think this was okay?!? (rant)

kpmd1 · June 2010

So, we told our immediate family about the pregnancy a couple of weeks ago and told them explicitly that we did not want it to be public knowledge until we either got to 12 weeks or had an ultrasound. My MIL already asked us twice if she could tell other people and we told her no, but she went ahead and told extended family anyway. That was annoying, but I let it go because they will all send out extra prayers on a daily basis (they're all very devout and prayerful people and that can't hurt, right?)

Well, today, I logged onto facebook and my SIL had posted as her status "I have news!!! J and K are expecting a baby!!! (K please don't kill me for this, I just HAD to tell everyone).

Indifferent

I saw the post about 30 seconds after she put it up, so I called her immediately and very nicely asked her to take it down and that I feel that it is MY right and privelege to be the first one to make that announcement on facebook (IF I so choose, which I probably won't because people are already too much into our business). She said sorry and took it down, but said she didn't understand why it was such a big deal.

I just don't understand why people feel that news that is not even THEIR news have the right to broadcast it to the world. AND she obviously knew she was doing something I wouldn't like or she wouldn't have added the "k please don't kill me" comment. No one seems to understand that if something goes wrong with this pregnancy, I personally have to un-tell everyone that they went ahead and told and I can only imagine how emotionally draining that would be. I feel like we should have just kept it a total secret until we were ready for EVERYONE to know.

That's it. Rant over. Thanks for "listening".

a-beautiful-mess · June 2010

I think you and I have the same family. Mine can't keep their mouths shut. Thirty minutes after I told my mom (when I was 4 weeks), she blurted it to my sisters before I had a chance to tell them. I was extremely disappointed that I didn't get to tell my little sisters personally that we are expecting. At this point, lots of people know who shouldn't.

kazpin · June 2010

I am really sorry that this happened to you..... luck for us my family understands and his family does not really fb so we have been saved this issue..,.. My biggest worry was that my employees would find out and that I would have a coworker tell our boss not me.

AimeeL85 · June 2010

I would be L-I-V-I-D!!!! Kudos to you for not ripping her a new one. That is seriously unbelievable, not only that she told people, but that she did it in the form of an announcement that nobody but the expectant parents ever have a right to do - that just takes it to a whole new level. I am pissed off at her on your behalf! I really cannot even believe anyone would do that.

pmanolides · June 2010

Oh my gosh, I would kill her!! Telling people you're expecting is one of the best feelings in the world. I can't believe she'd steal your thunder, especially at such a precarious stage of your pregnancy!

momo21 · June 2010

Ooh, this would make me so mad! I have a SIL who just has to be the first to spread news, but even she would never do that!

UrbanHippieMama · June 2010

I'd be pissed. Sorry she did that. What a biitch.

izzourclue · June 2010

Yep, people can be pretty clueless and self-absorbed.

greenroses · June 2010

That is truly unbelievable. I am also furious on your behalf.

SBear12 · June 2010

That is BEYOND inappropriate. How self-important can she BE, to think she has the right to post that. Yuck. I'm sorry, that sucks.

greenroses · June 2010

BTW, how old is your SIL? The only sort of excuse I could think of for this is that she's like 10 years old.

hot_tamale · June 2010

I would be super pissed. That is so not ok. Also, maybe it's just me, but she isn't even immediate family. Not saying that I would be ok with my mom doing this, but a SIL? That is just balls. I would have killed her.

dancam · June 2010

Oh my God! I think we married into the same family!?! My MIL did the same thing to me! We asked her not to tell because I have low progesterone and had to have injections. Um...yeah, everyone knew before the week was over! I completely understand where you are coming from with all of this. As for the SIL...she doesn't need to understand where you are coming from but she needs to respect you and your decisions. Several people from our family have tried to post congrats on my FB wall but I immediately delete them and sent a not-so-nice message letting them know not to do it again!

GOOD luck!

BekW2009 · June 2010

I'd be upset too! It's your news!!!

Lil Firecracker · June 2010

That totally sucks! We've only told a few people who we could trust. This weekend we are telling the family but asking them to not spread the word. I'm afraid to tell my immediate coworkers. I don't want: (1) them spreading my good news and (2) other coworkers gossiping about me when they don't really know me and don't have the right to talk about my pregnancy.

geminibrooke · June 2010

My MIL house/dog sat for us, snooped through our whole house under the pretense of "cleaning" and found out. Instead of respecting me, she decides to tell a bunch of relatives that she "thinks" I am pregnany and I look pregnant even though I wasn't showing! The worst is that she called my Dad and told him making my big reveal not so big. I am still so disappointed that that special moment was not what I imagined. *sigh*

kmcrn08 · June 2010

Blahhh... I would be pissed, esp. after her last remark about you not getting mad! My 16 y/o SIL posted "I'm going to be an aunt!" IMMEDIATELY from her Blackberry when we told family... and said we did not want it broadcasted to the world yet.

My 81 y/o precious grandmother also posted the news to all 30 of her FB friends, but who can be mad at her?! Stick out tongue

I feel your pain!

stbmittleman · June 2010

Ugh, I know exactly what you mean. We told FIL and MIL at about 7 weeks and told them we did not want to tell DH's siblings for a few weeks. MIL immediately went home and told BIL "If you had a secret to keep for 2 weeks could you?" and DUH, he knew exactly what the "secret" was. Then MIL took the fact that we told BIL and SIL about the pregnancy as their permission to tell the world. I got a card in the mail from one of their random friends congratulating us on the pregnancy. I was livid and told them this was not their news to tell. They keep saying how excited they are and that this is their first grandchild, but seriously? STFU!! Every single time they saw us MIL kept asking what so and so thought of the pregnancy and kept asking how excited people were. You would think she would get the hint to keep her mouth shut when I kept saying "We are not ready to tell people yet so I don't know what so and so thinks of the pregnancy." With number 2, we will def. be waiting until 12 weeks to tell them and if they ask why, I will be blunt and tell them that they couldn't keep their mouths shut the first time around, so they will find out with everyone else!

kpmd1 · June 2010

greenroses:
BTW, how old is your SIL? The only sort of excuse I could think of for this is that she's like 10 years old.

She's 21, but with no common sense whatsoever. So...yeah, it's like she's 10 years old.

june21jbr · June 2010

UUUGGGHhhhh!!! I would be soooo mad. I got in a huge fight with my mom b/c she told ONE person when I ask her not to. It just made me feel so betrayed that you cannot step out of your own box and respect your own daughters wishes. I just kept yelling over and over "Its my news to tell and decide when I want to tell" I CANNOT imagine how furious I would be if my fam announced on facebook!!

DH's family is very gossipy and for that reason, we have not told one single person on his side.

kknapp25 · June 2010

So sorry. With our first pregnancy my mother couldn't keep it a secret, she told several people & then I miscarried. THIS time she was a good girl & waited until we gave her the go ahead. I'm all for the family helping to spread the news but they definitely need to wait until you're ready for them to do so.

skoogirl · June 2010

I'm sorry she did that. I knew my mom would explode if she couldn't tell family and some of her friends so I waited until after I saw the heartbeat to tell her and my ILs. MIL and FIL haven't told a soul yet because SIL didn't speak to them for months when they spilled the beans on her pregnancy. Anyway, I didn't think that I could ask my mom to keep it completely to herself so I waited to tell her until I was comfortable with that. I have to accept who she is. I don't know if you could have predicted this with your in-laws or not, but at least now you know.

*kendrick* · June 2010

They took it too far. You did the right thing by calling. My mom was tickled with herself for telling people early and we had to have a tough love conversation. I referred to it as "righteous anger". Will I hold a grudge forever? No. But, was it right for me to be angry at her? Yes. The reality is--she CAN tell people against our will, but the natural consequence of that is that the trust in our relationship is damaged. It is up to her to decide which is more important--trust with me or telling others.

We finally told her Tues that she could tell and I got a speech on how hard it was for her to stop telling. Uh--how about how hard it was for us as I've been sick and bloated and scared of another loss and the fact that it is OUR news.

lovemymr · June 2010

So sorry this happened and so mad on your behalf. I'm very worried about something like this happening to me this weekend. We're telling my family, but we won't be telling DH's family until next weekend. If ANY of my family members spreads my news for me, I will be SO upset. It will quickly go from a happy time to a frustrating time.

I get that people are excited, but it's OUR news to tell. So, do us a favor and let us have our moment. Their time will come (or already has)...it's our turn now.

hynds20 · June 2010

It is so not ok for her to do this! We specifically didn't tell his sister because of this! We told his mom because it's the 1st grandchild on their side, also why we didn't tell SIL at that time. We waited till 8wks and the ultrasound to tell everyone else. I was so nausea's and some people were getting suspicous. 12wks now and SIL is better but I don't feel she's very thrilled that I'm pregnant first. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, and your SIL!

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