Sex Offender Neighbor...WWYD?

Uiowachick01 · June 2010

So today I just happened to look at the list of known sex offenders in my town and I find out that my neighbor is on the list! He lives right next to me(through the wall, we live in a duplex)

I don't know what to do. Do I confront him? He seemed very nice and he and his wife are always chatting with DH and I. Now I am afraid to leave my house. To make my mind more crazy, DH works nights so I'm alone all night.

AHH... WWYD?

desi6282 · June 2010

Id keep my DD away but would still be friendly when im not with her. He could be on there for something very minor, can you find out why he is on the list?

LilCMom · June 2010

They should be listed as sexual predators if they are especially dangerous. You can be on that list if you were 18 and slept with a 16 year-old, so it could be something like that, you never know.

CalinsBride · June 2010

I'd keep my distance. That would skeeve me out to the point of wanting to move, actually, but I know that's probably unrealistic.

BengalBelle · June 2010

I agree with desi - do you know why he was on the list? It could have been something that happened when he was younger that has no bearing on his life now (example: statutory rape - but he was 18 and the girl was 17...it doesn't make him a predator).

Either way, I don't think I'd confront him (what would you say?!). He's registered, you know it, just proceed with caution - as long as he's following the rules set up for him, then he's currently doing nothing wrong.

ETA: I'm not saying it wouldn't freak me out - it would. But there's no reason to confront him.

Uiowachick01 · June 2010

desi6282:
Id keep my DD away but would still be friendly when im not with her. He could be on there for something very minor, can you find out why he is on the list?

It doesn't say. He gets every other weekend visits with his daughter. And he has said before he volunteers at her school. So I'm assuming it's nothing to do with children.

OCMom2be · June 2010

If you do the Megan's Law website...it usually tells you what they were charged with, or the acts that were committed. That's a little creepy tho! I would still stay friendly with them. Like previous poster, it could be something minor or something from a looooooooong time ago. Not sure if that makes it any better, really?!

aajfoster · June 2010

Find out what it is for before you do anything...it could be something like he was 18 and had sex with his 16 year old girlfriend years ago and her parents called the cops. I have heard a case where someone was drunk, peed outside and people were around, and they were arrested for exposing themselves, and getting on the offender list.

AMYfromKY · June 2010

Our neighbor across the street is on the Sex Offender Registry as well for sexual battery. He doesn't scare me at all.

Why was he on it? If it was something he did to a child I'd be worried, but if not he's probably moved on and now has a wife and a new life.

SCBride2007 · June 2010

In some states you can be put on the list for public urination... it sucks that they can't specifically group people.

Ivana_Stolichnaya · June 2010

I'd keep my distance. I hope it is the 18-year old boyfriend with a 17-year old girlfriend type of thing.

Uiowachick01 · June 2010

It says the victim was 29, he was 31, and his crime was CRIMINAL SEXUAL ABUSE/VICTIM CANT CONSENT.

This make me even more nervous.

BengalBelle · June 2010

Uiowachick01:
It says the victim was 29, he was 31, and his crime was CRIMINAL SEXUAL ABUSE/VICTIM CANT CONSENT.
This make me even more nervous.

That to me says she was drunk (thus victim can't consent), sex happened, she charged rape and he was found guilty.

I still wouldn't confront him. I would just not befriend him.

Uiowachick01 · June 2010

BengalBelle:
Uiowachick01:
It says the victim was 29, he was 31, and his crime was CRIMINAL SEXUAL ABUSE/VICTIM CANT CONSENT.
This make me even more nervous.
That to me says she was drunk (thus victim can't consent), sex happened, she charged rape and he was found guilty.
I still wouldn't confront him. I would just not befriend him.

This is what I was thinking. I'm just very creeped out.

Shayna0182 · June 2010

Not sure if this makes you feel better, but atleast it wasn't with a minor.

groovygrl · June 2010

What good could really come from confronting him? no one on here knows what the real situation was and frankly if he is in a happy marriage, I think that says something. I don't mean to belittle whatever he did & the victim, but sometimes ppl do repent & change their lives...

Scooter359 · June 2010

cskogsberg:
They should be listed as sexual predators if they are especially dangerous. You can be on that list if you were 18 and slept with a 16 year-old, so it could be something like that, you never know.

This. It could be something minor. And obviously, his wife knows and is still with him. If my husband slept with a child or did something of the like I probably wouldn't be with him anymore. Just try and be q good judge of character.

KGriggs724 · June 2010

Not all sex offenders have commited major crimes. A lot of times it could be something that wasn't even his fault! Unfortunatly, instead of taking care of the serious crimes, the law systems seems to want to punish even the cases that shouldnt be concidered a 'sex offender'.

moonfaerie · June 2010

BengalBelle:

I agree with desi - do you know why he was on the list? It could have been something that happened when he was younger that has no bearing on his life now (example: statutory rape - but he was 18 and the girl was 17...it doesn't make him a predator).

Either way, I don't think I'd confront him (what would you say?!). He's registered, you know it, just proceed with caution - as long as he's following the rules set up for him, then he's currently doing nothing wrong.

ETA: I'm not saying it wouldn't freak me out - it would. But there's no reason to confront him.

this. There's several offenders in my area. Many of them have details that let me know if they're more worrisome than others. Violent sex offenders and 1st degree child sex offenders are the ones I stay away from. Anyone else I'd be civil to in passing, but of course I would be extra careful to keep my child away from them.

jillianfries · June 2010

I think confronting him will just make it very awkward when you see each other. And I don't think it will do any good. What would you say? "Hey neighbor, I saw on this website that you are a sex offender."

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · June 2010

I would not approach him, I just wouldn't let myself or my child with him alone. I wouldn't avoid him and make it obvious that I know, I would just be cautious about what I say/do. Depending on what his offense was, if it were serious enough, I would also look into getting an alarm system if you don't already have one.

If he had consensual sex with a 15 year old when he was 17, then I wouldn't worry about it much. If he raped someone/multiple people then I'd go for the alarm system. I'd imagine that if he's married, it might not have been that bad. Or she doesn't know...

I also don't agree with the sex offender registry, but that's a different point entirely.

seashell82 · June 2010

Uiowachick01:
BengalBelle:
Uiowachick01:

It says the victim was 29, he was 31, and his crime was CRIMINAL SEXUAL ABUSE/VICTIM CANT CONSENT.

This make me even more nervous.

That to me says she was drunk (thus victim can't consent), sex happened, she charged rape and he was found guilty.

I still wouldn't confront him. I would just not befriend him.

This is what I was thinking. I'm just very creeped out.

could have been drunk or perhaps the victim is developmentally disabled. can you search your state's corrections site (if he had to do time)? ours says how long they served and if they are currently on parole. you could contact their parole officer (if they have one) and request further information. you could also see if he's had other offenses...but let's hope he hasn't!!

DEP · June 2010

MOVE! But really, I would be very cautious and never let your DC out of your sight.

Cityplanner · June 2010

seashell82:
Uiowachick01:
BengalBelle:
Uiowachick01:

It says the victim was 29, he was 31, and his crime was CRIMINAL SEXUAL ABUSE/VICTIM CANT CONSENT.
This make me even more nervous.
That to me says she was drunk (thus victim can't consent), sex happened, she charged rape and he was found guilty.
I still wouldn't confront him. I would just not befriend him.
This is what I was thinking. I'm just very creeped out.
could have been drunk or perhaps the victim is developmentally disabled. can you search your state's corrections site (if he had to do time)? ours says how long they served and if they are currently on parole. you could contact their parole officer (if they have one) and request further information. you could also see if he's had other offenses...but let's hope he hasn't!!

But really, does it make a difference? I think the advice to be friendly but keep a good distance is right. What does it matter other than prurient curiousity what he did to get on the list?

nat8 · June 2010

If he is still gets his daughter every other weekend and volunteers at her school it couldn't have been that bad. I would think that the court wouldn't let that happen

LMK8605 · June 2010

I would watch you LO very closely and not allow him to come into contact with her too. Did it say what he was classified as a sex offender for? Not that it should be belittled in any way but sometimes it is for things like a 19 year old having sex with a 17 year old.

That being said, we had 24 sex offenders in our old neighborhood (our starter home while I was in grad school) - we moved before the babies were born.

FWIW - I just got an email today about how wasp spray can be used instead of pepper spray as self defense. It sprays further distances and is more potent. Just saying...

ETA: sorry didn't read all of pp - get wasp spray

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