Can someone explain cheating to me?

ScissorTailedFlycatcher · June 2010

I don't really get why people cheat. If you want to stray, why not leave? I can maaaaaaaaaaybe understand getting yourself in the wrong spot and making a bad choice once. But to do it repeatedly? Why? I'm not flaming anyone, I genuinely don't get it. DH was cheated on for years, but he was unaware of it, so his experience has only boosted my confusion.

Discuss....

soko987 · June 2010

Alcohol and college have a lot to do with it

sunflowergrl · June 2010

soko987:
Alcohol and college have a lot to do with it

this.

Hollywood214 · June 2010

Can't wait to hear the replies, I to well never understand cheating.

mrsfox1369 · June 2010

I've never cheated on anyone ever.. I'm not judging anyone but I just can't lie so I know if I did cheat the guilt would eat me up so bad. Plus almost every ex of mine cheated on me..

qtpa2t · June 2010

Immaturity. Uncertainty. Liking the majority of your relationship but needing that one missing piece on occasion. Temptation. Curiosity. Leaving can also be financially and emotionally complicated.

Not condoning, but I imagine all of the above and perhaps more come into play.

soko987 · June 2010

Seriously, it has to do with a multitude of factors. Insecurity is a big one. Also, being in a relationship that is unfulfilling. Some people just like the thrill. I think it's one of those things that is different for everyone.

jessicaheath13 · June 2010

I don't understand it either. My ex husband cheated on me. Now they are married. It blows my mind that she could marry him knowing that he was cheating on his wife and could do the same to her. What she doesn't know, is that after I caught him cheating, I found out she wasn't the first...good luck with him sweetie!!!

On a positive note, if that wouldn't have happened, I would have never moved back to SD, met my DH and had my beautiful DD. That is how I like to look at the horrible situation now. The other day, my mom said sometimes she forgets that chapter in my life even happened.

pammi2003 · June 2010

Alcohol, drugs, not having a stable male figure in your life, having a shittty childhood.

That pretty much sums it up for me.

pammi2003 · June 2010

Oh yea, insecurity is a big one too.

soko987 · June 2010

Off topic, and probably inappropriate, but last night I had a dream that my husband was Matt Damon, and I was cheating on him with Ben Affleck.

What the hell is wrong with me?

ScissorTailedFlycatcher · June 2010

soko987:
Off topic, and probably inappropriate, but last night I had a dream that my husband was Matt Damon, and I was cheating on him with Ben Affleck.
What the hell is wrong with me?

Lol. To continue on your tangent, I had a dream that I gave birth to a boy. I giggled when I saw his goods and asked the doctor what I was supposed to do with them.

ABCmom!!! · June 2010

qtpa2t:

Immaturity. Uncertainty. Liking the majority of your relationship but needing that one missing piece on occasion. Temptation. Curiosity. Leaving can also be financially and emotionally complicated.

Not condoning, but I imagine all of the above and perhaps more come into play.

This. i think Immaturity is a biggy. because when I was younger I did not care about others emotions, Now that I am older I can never hurt anyone that bad.

doubledutymama · June 2010

I don't understand cheating either. My dad cheated on my mom for 15 years of their 15 year marraige. I saw what it did to my mom and to this day have trust issues with men because of it.

ohbabyboy · June 2010

I always think when the cheater gets caughts and begs for forgiveness that they are just sorry they got caught.

Danikat15 · June 2010

I'll be completely honest. It's only come to mind once for me. DH and I went through a tough patch where he was working all the time. I mean, working long hours and then bringing his work home with him. I would sit there and talk to him and he would be too distracted to answer me.

Someone gave me attention and for the first time in a long time, I felt appreciated. I weighed the pros and cons of cheating. I had feelings for the guy, but he's a complete douche who would just turn around and do the same thing to me. I'm not stupid and it wasn't worth it.

I sat down and discussed said feelings with DH in an adult way and we made changes to our relationship. He's learned to leave work at work a little better and we always take time out for ourselves.

ETA: We've been together for over 10 years, so I think we just got too comfortable in our relationship.

JinglesChic · June 2010

People have different reasons. Some, like Tiger Woods, actually have a psychological issue. I'm convinced of that. Some use it as an escape. They're happy with their marriage/relationship, but cheat for the thrill or something else. Like how a relationship is different when you first start dating than it is three years later. They love their wife/DH but want a GF/BF. I'm sure others do it because they're completely unhappy and just can't get themselves to get out.

ohbabyboy · June 2010

Danikat15:

I'll be completely honest. It's only come to mind once for me. DH and I went through a tough patch where he was working all the time. I mean, working long hours and then bringing his work home with him. I would sit there and talk to him and he would be too distracted to answer me.

Someone gave me attention and for the first time in a long time, I felt appreciated. I weighed the pros and cons of cheating. I had feelings for the guy, but he's a complete douche who would just turn around and do the same thing to me. I'm not stupid and it wasn't worth it.

I sat down and discussed said feelings with DH in an adult way and we made changes to our relationship. He's learned to leave work at work a little better and we always take time out for ourselves.

That's how it usually gets started....when your partner is emotionally absent. IMO, those are also the most dangerous kinds of affairs, because people get emotionally involved.

Edit: I don't mean "your" as in your situation, just in general. I think that it is great that you and your DH were able to work through it.

Wintertime10 · June 2010

pammi2003:
Alcohol, drugs, not having a stable male figure in your life, having a shittty childhood.
That pretty much sums it up for me.

Im sorry.

grapeape73 · June 2010

I have never understood it either. My brother cheated on his first wife with his second wife. And everyone was sooooo surprised when he cheated on her.

I told DH that if he is ever tempted to take a look at a picture of his two daughters. Then to think about the fact that from that moment on his relationship with them would forever be altered, and what he would do if their husbands cheated on them.

MCC1010 · June 2010

I think people cheat because they are unhappy or feel unappreciated in the relationship they are in. The "Grass is greener on the other side of the fence" mentality. There is something about being with someone without the responsibilities of life ( bills/demands/every day life) that appeals to some people.

I have to say I cheated on every single person I dated expect my husband. That's how I knew he was the right person for me. in 11 years I have yet to feel like I am missing out on something. I want to kill him sometimes but I have never wondered about being with anyone else.

diana.filipi · June 2010

hmmmm, gosh, do I wanna be flammed....sure whatever....

I cheated sooooooo many times pre baby. IDK, stranger sex can be so much fun (so long as IDK if hubs had indiscretions it's cool). That said, I'm 35 and have been around a bunch of blocks. Also, since baby, even my DIY fantasies have taken a beating.... nothing is the same.

Danikat15 · June 2010

ohbabyboy:
Danikat15:

Someone gave me attention and for the first time in a long time, I felt appreciated.

That's how it usually gets started....when your partner is emotionally absent. IMO, those are also the most dangerous kinds of affairs, because people get emotionally involved.

Yes, it is dangerous. It's not about physical attraction, it's about finding the emotional qualities that you wish your DH had. I couldn't imagine cheating now, but back in those circumstances, it was a possibility. My marriage means more to me than an affair and that's why I went with the whole "talk to DH" route.

Hip2Bsquare · June 2010

DH says he would never cheat because I give him a run for his money and so he doesn't understand how there are men out there that can handle/juggle multiple women? He says his daughter (DD) has his money already spent for the next 30 years! lol

CleanQueen151 · June 2010

sometimes men cheat because their wife or gf are so oblivious they know they can get away with it. and once they do they do it again and again and again.

yourmomwreckedmybike · June 2010

I'm going go with: people don't think sex is a big deal, and then wonder why their SO feels the same way when they go off a bang someone else..

Jolaine83 · June 2010

soko987:
Off topic, and probably inappropriate, but last night I had a dream that my husband was Matt Damon, and I was cheating on him with Ben Affleck.

What the hell is wrong with me?

So, did Ben Affleck then ask Matt Damon how he liked them apples?

RadicalDreamer143 · June 2010

qtpa2t:
Immaturity. Uncertainty. Liking the majority of your relationship but needing that one missing piece on occasion. Temptation. Curiosity. Leaving can also be financially and emotionally complicated.
Not condoning, but I imagine all of the above and perhaps more come into play.

This plus big changes. I cheated on my husband once - not when we were married, we had only been dating a few months. He knows about it, though it's been water under the bridge forever. It was back when we were both financially strapped, working our butts off, and he went to live with his overbearing parents, and worked on his muscle car in his spare time... I think I ended up feeling sorry for myself, living in a crappy hole of an apt, and it was a one night thing. Considering our relationship was great before and after this, we both understood where it came from. No trust issues on either side here.

madameprimm · June 2010

Well there are 2 types of cheating so are you only curious about physical affairs?

soko987 · June 2010

Jolaine83:
soko987:

Off topic, and probably inappropriate, but last night I had a dream that my husband was Matt Damon, and I was cheating on him with Ben Affleck.

What the hell is wrong with me?

So, did Ben Affleck then ask Matt Damon how he liked them apples?

LMAO. Dammit, no! I guess I'm not that creative of a dreamer.

Weird thing is, I always considered myself a Damon girl. I must be harboring some latent Affleck desires.

Jolaine83 · June 2010

soko987:
Jolaine83:
soko987:

Off topic, and probably inappropriate, but last night I had a dream that my husband was Matt Damon, and I was cheating on him with Ben Affleck.

What the hell is wrong with me?

So, did Ben Affleck then ask Matt Damon how he liked them apples?

LMAO. Dammit, no! I guess I'm not that creative of a dreamer.

Weird thing is, I always considered myself a Damon girl. I must be harboring some latent Affleck desires.

Watch one of the Bourne trilogy. Then watch Jersey Girl. That should get you back on track. But honestly, I can't take Matt Damon seriously after Team America.

Fwendly · June 2010

I have no ideas, but it drives me crazy. Why cheat on someone? Be a man/woman and just leave.

What makes me even more crazy is the new website that Sirus/XM promotes called AshleyMadison.com. It is a website devoted to infidelity. Promoting married individuals to cheat / singles to cheat with married individuals. I told my DH that it drives me so crazy that it makes me want to cancel my XM subscription!

Hot Sauce on a Stick · June 2010

I cheated on my ex (DS's dad)

I literally felt trapped in the relationship. He had me convinced that I was nothing without him and that he would have full custody of our son if I left. He was abusive physically and emotionally. I felt ugly and fat (even though I wasn't.)

We had a friend in our circle of friends who was single and paid attention to me. He told me that I was beautiful and didn't deserve to be treated that way. It started out as an emotional affair....a few things happened (physically), but not many because I felt guilty.

When I finally left my ex I lost touch with all of my old friends as I tried to rebuild my life. I got in touch with this old friend after I had stabilized and we started talking again. He told me he still thought I was beautiful and that he was proud of me for being so strong. He told me he knew I'd come around eventually and that he'd been waiting for me.

He's my husband. And the love of my life.

It's not typical, but that's why I cheated.

soko987 · June 2010

HotSauceonaStick:

I cheated on my ex (DS's dad)

I literally felt trapped in the relationship. He had me convinced that I was nothing without him and that he would have full custody of our son if I left. He was abusive physically and emotionally. I felt ugly and fat (even though I wasn't.)

We had a friend in our circle of friends who was single and paid attention to me. He told me that I was beautiful and didn't deserve to be treated that way. It started out as an emotional affair....a few things happened (physically), but not many because I felt guilty.

When I finally left my ex I lost touch with all of my old friends as I tried to rebuild my life. I got in touch with this old friend after I had stabilized and we started talking again. He told me he still thought I was beautiful and that he was proud of me for being so strong. He told me he knew I'd come around eventually and that he'd been waiting for me.

He's my husband. And the love of my life.

It's not typical, but that's why I cheated.

Okay...I know I'm a bit on the weepy side today, but that just brought a tear to my eye. For realz, yo.

Hot Sauce on a Stick · June 2010

soko987:
HotSauceonaStick:

I cheated on my ex (DS's dad)

I literally felt trapped in the relationship. He had me convinced that I was nothing without him and that he would have full custody of our son if I left. He was abusive physically and emotionally. I felt ugly and fat (even though I wasn't.)

We had a friend in our circle of friends who was single and paid attention to me. He told me that I was beautiful and didn't deserve to be treated that way. It started out as an emotional affair....a few things happened (physically), but not many because I felt guilty.

When I finally left my ex I lost touch with all of my old friends as I tried to rebuild my life. I got in touch with this old friend after I had stabilized and we started talking again. He told me he still thought I was beautiful and that he was proud of me for being so strong. He told me he knew I'd come around eventually and that he'd been waiting for me.

He's my husband. And the love of my life.

It's not typical, but that's why I cheated.

Okay...I know I'm a bit on the weepy side today, but that just brought a tear to my eye. For realz, yo.

You're welcome. I wish I could make this shiz up.

ScissorTailedFlycatcher · June 2010

HotSauceonaStick:
I cheated on my ex (DS's dad)
I literally felt trapped in the relationship. He had me convinced that I was nothing without him and that he would have full custody of our son if I left. He was abusive physically and emotionally. I felt ugly and fat (even though I wasn't.)
We had a friend in our circle of friends who was single and paid attention to me. He told me that I was beautiful and didn't deserve to be treated that way. It started out as an emotional affair....a few things happened (physically), but not many because I felt guilty.
When I finally left my ex I lost touch with all of my old friends as I tried to rebuild my life. I got in touch with this old friend after I had stabilized and we started talking again. He told me he still thought I was beautiful and that he was proud of me for being so strong. He told me he knew I'd come around eventually and that he'd been waiting for me.
He's my husband. And the love of my life.
It's not typical, but that's why I cheated.

I didn't know that. I can say that I do understand cheating a bit more in your type of situation. I'm glad that you got out, too. Smile

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