Vent/Help... Am I overreacting? — The Bump
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Vent/Help... Am I overreacting?

I am totally just at the end of my rope with this... and I'm not sure if I'm just blowing it out of proportion or not.

So, I posted last week about my mom watching Margo 3 days a week and Margo's naps being way shorter there. Like, Sunday (with us) she napped an hour and 10 min in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon, those being her only naps. Yesterday, w/ my mom, she napped 45 min in the morning and 30 in the afternoon. And was a beast in the evening, which stinks for me since I was at work all day and then I don't get any QT w/ my baby. :( 

I'm reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby and it says she should be able to do consolidated naps (which she does for us). I am haunted by when they said something like "you don't feed your child junk food for dinner, taking inadequate naps is like feeding them junk food." (or something to that effect.)

Then I go back and I'm trying to talk myself down like, okay, if she gets 4 good napping days in, maybe the other 3 will eventually fall in line or it won't harm her too much. I'm just not sure how critical it is at this point, besides the fact that she's obviously tired when I pick her up and not her sweet self in the evenings.

I've spoken w/ my mom several times now since I last posted and it feels like I'm beating a dead horse. I keep providing tips and ideas and every time I pick her up she apologetically tells me M took crappy naps. I don't know what else to do and I'm really torn up about this :(  Thanks for letting me vent...

Re: Vent/Help... Am I overreacting?

  • Have you not been able to pinpoint why she's not taking good naps at your mom's?  If you can't figure out a single reason why, and your mom seems to be doing everything right, then I'd try not to worry too much about it.  Or is there something you know your mom is doing differently and she's not taking your advice?  Because if that's the issue then I'd have major problems with that.
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  • Is she doing a lot of activities out and about with her during the week?  Does she have room darkening shades and/or use a white noise machine?  Is she sleeping in the same thing that she sleeps in at home (PNP, Crib)?  How long does your mom keep her up between naps (at 5 mo., usually 2 hrs is the limit they can tolerate) -- putting her down to early or two late can cause shorter naps?

    Claire doesn't always take the same quantity or quality of naps each days.  Some naps are only 30-50 min, others are 2 hrs.  Days that she's more active outside of the house, her naps are shorter.  But she takes at least 3 naps (sometimes 4 depending on when she last gets up before bedtime -- she is up 2-3.5 hrs before going to bed at night).

    Don't be too hard on yourself.  You're doing a great job with her.  She's not going to be damaged by having a few days of crappy naps.  I found the guide in Sleep Easy Solutions to be helpful for giving me an idea of what the girls may be able to handle at a particular age but of course, I still watched for their cues.  Good luck!

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  • Those books can make you feel like a horrible parent!! When Ashley was little, she was not a good napper and I remember reading in one of those books (it may be the one you mentioned b/c I have that one) that if she doesn't get her naps, it will affect all sorts of things (like ability to form relationships, trust people, she would be stupid, etc). So yeah, I was upset and decided to stop reading them.

    I wish I had some advice, but I know with my nanny share, the babies my nanny watches never sleep/nap as well with her as they do at home and it is frustrating for the parents. I hope she starts napping better soon!

  • We have the opposite problem, he takes great naps at daycare but crappy ones at home.  Try not to stress it, make sure your mom is picking up on your LO's sleep cues and that the environment is similar at every nap.  She may know that at Grandma's it is just fun and doesn't want to sleep.  I read that book and while I thought it was great, it makes you feel like a failure for not getting your child to nap/sleep.  Margo will be just fine.  HTH
  • i know DS takes the same naps with me or with SIL that keeps him and I attribute that to the fact that he likes to sleep on the boppy so he sleeps on one at home and one with SIL...maybe try setting up the same sleep situations at both places?? IDK...just a thought...GL!
  • It's so hard - I'm a big believer in naps and honestly Ella is a BEAR of a child w/o them.  Definitely try to recreate the sleep envionment at your mom's house - that should help a lot.  Also - maybe you should just ask your mom to put her down at 10ish and 2ish or whatever her schedule is on the weekends.  
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  • It might be that the surroundings at your mom's house are still just too different and exciting. The longer she's there, the more she'll become comfortable, I'm sure, and I bet her napping will improve. I agree that you should try and recreate her home environment as closely as possible. Or better yet, could she keep her at your house while you're all making the adjustment?

    Holly naps a little better at home than at DC, but luckily, it hasn't affected much in the long run. I will say that Holly definitely went through a phase around Margo's age where she was a bear in the evenings from around 5-7 no matter what. So, like everything else I've found, it might just be a phase.

    I hope it gets better soon. I know it stinks when your only time with her is spent struggling with a fussy pants!



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  • If I were you I'd start keeping track of M's days when you have her. When does she get up in the morning, go down for her 1st & 2nd nap. My dd that is a little older than M doesn't get up at the same time every morning. So a set 9am nap time doesn't work for her but knowing that she needs to go down about an hour after she woke up is more helpful. If there are real patterns to M's day maybe you can give your mom more info when you drop her off in the morning. You could say M woke up at 7:30 and needs to be down for a nap no later than 9. Your mom might just be waiting too long to put her down... waiting until she is real fussy. I think that telling grandmas specific times not things to look for is more helpful. 

    I am not a fan of things like darkening shades & stuff in the crib to help her sleep... if M needs all that jazz to sleep at home she is going to need it where ever you take her. 

    Good luck! I am sure this is more complicated by the fact that it is your mom! 

  • Thanks guys! Sorry I had to post & run a little there...after our TWO HOUR NAP this am (fist pump!) we had lots of errands to do :) I feel better that it's not like everyone responded with "Oh no, you're ruining your child, my kid napped 3 hours every afternoon at 10 weeks." lol :)

    We've tried to recreate the comforts of her home crib as much as possible, though she does sleep in a pnp there & I'm a little concerned that the room she sleeps in is a little brighter than she's used to, since we have hard-core shutters in her nursery and they just have run of the mill roman shades. She's swaddled & listens to her noise machine & sucks on the paci, though. My mom is watching her at our house on Thursday afternoon so it'll be interesting to see how that nap goes, kind of isolate that variable (DH's nerd words). Maybe if that goes well we can try to get a darker room for naps... or see if she can come to our house maybe once a week? IDK.

    It's just hard, since it's my mom that's keeping her I can't very well order her around & I can tell she's feeling bad that Margo isn't napping well but also a little not into taking orders from me. It's new territory, I guess.  Sometimes, I feel like I've said all I can say and I just don't *know* what's being done there. I guess this is the nature of the daycare beast, and esp the "free" daycare beast, right?

  • imagesms297:

    If I were you I'd start keeping track of M's days when you have her. When does she get up in the morning, go down for her 1st & 2nd nap. My dd that is a little older than M doesn't get up at the same time every morning. So a set 9am nap time doesn't work for her but knowing that she needs to go down about an hour after she woke up is more helpful. If there are real patterns to M's day maybe you can give your mom more info when you drop her off in the morning. You could say M woke up at 7:30 and needs to be down for a nap no later than 9. Your mom might just be waiting too long to put her down... waiting until she is real fussy. I think that telling grandmas specific times not things to look for is more helpful. 

    I agree with this.  Claire needs to go down for her first nap 2 hrs after she gets up so I don't tell our nanny what time to put her down for her nap, but rather what time she got up so she knows roughly 2 hrs after she needs her nap.  And then it's 2-2.5 hrs after her first nap to her second, etc.  Her bedtime is roughly the same every night but when her naps occur depends on when she wakes up and how long each nap is.

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  • imageMrsMcJamie:

    Thanks guys! Sorry I had to post & run a little there...after our TWO HOUR NAP this am (fist pump!) we had lots of errands to do :) I feel better that it's not like everyone responded with "Oh no, you're ruining your child, my kid napped 3 hours every afternoon at 10 weeks." lol :)

    We've tried to recreate the comforts of her home crib as much as possible, though she does sleep in a pnp there & I'm a little concerned that the room she sleeps in is a little brighter than she's used to, since we have hard-core shutters in her nursery and they just have run of the mill roman shades. She's swaddled & listens to her noise machine & sucks on the paci, though. My mom is watching her at our house on Thursday afternoon so it'll be interesting to see how that nap goes, kind of isolate that variable (DH's nerd words). Maybe if that goes well we can try to get a darker room for naps... or see if she can come to our house maybe once a week? IDK.

    It's just hard, since it's my mom that's keeping her I can't very well order her around & I can tell she's feeling bad that Margo isn't napping well but also a little not into taking orders from me. It's new territory, I guess.  Sometimes, I feel like I've said all I can say and I just don't *know* what's being done there. I guess this is the nature of the daycare beast, and esp the "free" daycare beast, right?

    I can definitely relate to the "free daycare" issues.  She might not nap as well in a PNP.  If your mom is keeping her long term, then you might want to invest in a crib.  My mom has 2 cribs at her house.  I was trying to get away with a PNP with Caylee, but my mom pretty quickly said she didn't think she was going to nap that well in it.  And Camryn wasn't ready to give up hers yet.  So I got another crib and crib mattress.  Did I really want to? No, but honestly it's around the same price as a week of daycare so it's worth it.  Both of my girls also sleep with white noise at home and at my mom's and have shades and somewhat dark at both places.


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