How Bad is it...
that I want to put my fist through the computer screen... damn you facebook!! DH's brother had their first appt today...okay I can see putting a post about how far along you are, how the appt went etc....but 7 posts about everything from the appt to exactly when the LO was conceived to complaining about cravings (at not even 6 weeks yet/I would give ANYTHING to have a craving)...I was okay with that; just more annoyed/jealous, but what got me was when they made the u/s picture the profile picture... I don't want to take away from this exciting time for them, but fell apart looking at that since the last u/s picture I saw was my twins with no heartbeats...
The worst part is I feel HORRIBLE about the envy/jealousy of "wishing" they would go through the pain I live everyday and try to be a little more thoughtful, although I know that's the farthest thing from their minds during their happy time. DH thinks I am being deceitful and all out mean for thinking like this...honestly, in my heart of hearts, I do not wish them/LO anything but true health/happiness, but honestly ladies am I some horrible person for thinking like this???
I did the safest thing and blocked both of them for my FB at least for now...
Re: How Bad is it...
I have become of the opinion that I need to do whatever it is I need to do in order to mentally and emotionally make it through the day. If that means blocking people from facebook (or in my case getting up and walking away from my desk where I sit next to a pregnant woman who is due at the same time I should be) then so be it. If it means crying in the shower for 20 minutes and sobbing my entire way home from work then so be it. If it means that sometimes I'm jelaous of other women having babies then so be it.
I understand what it's like to wish that other people could even begin to understand the pain we are feeling and since the only way for them to truly know would be to experience it there are fleeting moments when I think the worst even though, obviously, we don't truly want any other women going through what we are going through. What you are feeling/thinking/experiencing is totally normal.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life