spin off - introducing children brain wave — The Bump
Adoption

spin off - introducing children brain wave

Hi Ladies

So I have been thinking a lot about how our son is introduced.  He is 18 months old and has been with us for just over a year so this is no longer a new placement.  He was introduced internationally but we are not a conspicuous family as he was born in the same city as my DH and shares a lot of common features.  That is just to give you a bit of context.  We had one person we knew who continued to introduce him as 'their adopted son' which really grated us the wrong way.  Finally my DH said 'no, he WAS adopted but now he is our son, period'  It was awkward but necessary because she was the type who would push ahead and not sense subtlety or hear our hearts on that one.

In other cases though, I really was trying to think of how to bring it up privately with some dear dear friends who likely don't even realize that what their saying is hurtful.  I got thinking about how often when an baby is first born they are introduced with all their 'stats'.  For example, 'this is mary's daughter anna, she was born last saturday at 3am, 6lbs 4 oz, etc ,etc.' But after a while that is no longer necessary information that is relevant or helpful in conversations.  We are going to approach it that way with our friends and thank them for celebrating the arrival of our son but that we really don't feel it is good to include all those stats anymore and that as a family we have decided that it really is our DS's story to know and to share if and when he wants to but that it is not public domain info,

What do you think of that parallel?  Because our HS and waiting time was our 'expectant parents' time and the placements day was when we went from being married without children to being a family of three and the celebration of being gone for the summer and coming home with a 9 month old was great but now we want to just do life. 

Re: spin off - introducing children brain wave

  • I think it sounds like a good idea. When I was 4 1/2 my parents got married and my stepdad started the adoption proceedings. His mom, my grandmother paid for the entire adoption and the entire time kept calling me her grandchild. I had awesome grandparents. My the time my parents were married, they already had 2 other grandchildren from my dad's sister. They never once introduced me as adopted, it was always, "Guess what my 3 grandchildren are doing now" or "Have you heard what my oldest grandchild (me) is doing?" or "Can you believe that all my grandchildren got straight As in school?"

    While adoption is a fact of some kid's lives, it doesn't define them for the rest of it.

  • image Ranita:

    Hi Ladies

    So I have been thinking a lot about how our son is introduced.  He is 18 months old and has been with us for just over a year so this is no longer a new placement.  He was introduced internationally but we are not a conspicuous family as he was born in the same city as my DH and shares a lot of common features.  That is just to give you a bit of context.  We had one person we knew who continued to introduce him as 'their adopted son' which really grated us the wrong way.  Finally my DH said 'no, he WAS adopted but now he is our son, period'  It was awkward but necessary because she was the type who would push ahead and not sense subtlety or hear our hearts on that one.

    In other cases though, I really was trying to think of how to bring it up privately with some dear dear friends who likely don't even realize that what their saying is hurtful.  I got thinking about how often when an baby is first born they are introduced with all their 'stats'.  For example, 'this is mary's daughter anna, she was born last saturday at 3am, 6lbs 4 oz, etc ,etc.' But after a while that is no longer necessary information that is relevant or helpful in conversations.  We are going to approach it that way with our friends and thank them for celebrating the arrival of our son but that we really don't feel it is good to include all those stats anymore and that as a family we have decided that it really is our DS's story to know and to share if and when he wants to but that it is not public domain info,

    What do you think of that parallel?  Because our HS and waiting time was our 'expectant parents' time and the placements day was when we went from being married without children to being a family of three and the celebration of being gone for the summer and coming home with a 9 month old was great but now we want to just do life. 

    This is how I look at DD's adoption. We are moving on to this is our family and not that DD was adopted into it.

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