DH...Depressed? Advice??

OhioBobcat · June 2010

I got a phone call from DH while he was at work yesterday. He mentioned thinking he need to see our GP because he just isn't feeling right and he's wondering if something is wrong. He often reads stories in the paper about babies and children being hurt and he says it really gets to him to the point of feeling sick over it. The latest was about a little 3 y/o boy who liked wearing his dad's ties...the mom put the tie on and he was jumping on the trampoline and ended up hanging himself.

I told DH that I appreciated it was probably natural to feel a strong reaction to stories now that DS is getting older and interacting with us more. DH loves DS so much and is over the moon to have a son of his own having thought before that he'd never get married much less have children.

I fully support DH if he wants to make an appointment with the GP and I told him this, but he is worried and says he doesn't want to be put on anti-depressants if it is found that he may need them. I know he also is going in next week to get some pills to help him stop smoking as well because his cravings have been getting worse and I'm just hoping he will bring up these other feelings...but I don't know how else to encourage him without seeming pushy or nagging as that often elicits the opposite effect that's wanted.

sugarloaf · June 2010

I think you should encourage him to discuss his feelings with a someone. So much attention is giving to moms that dads easily get forgotten, yet they're going through the same emotions and changes. He may not need anti-depressants, just a bias person to express his concerns and stress to.

Also, a good idea is to pick a "charity" for children to get involved with or support. You'll feel great about helping other children, and be reminded how luck you (both) are to be parents.

Good luck!

jennybeams · June 2010

My husband is a die hard worrier. It has been programed in his brain since he was little not do things that would "potentially" get him hurt. So in turn he worries about EVERYTHING. I am SO not that way. When he goes off about things he reads, hears, (or his mother tells him) I tell him to find out what the actual statistics are and likelihood for those things to happen. Chances are, slim to none. So why waste energy and time worrying about the "what if." You just have to do the best you can, and pray everyday that that's enough. KWIM?

OhioBobcat · June 2010

Oddly enough his mom (my MIL) is a huge worrier...but I don't think it's so much him worrying, as his overall reaction and the feeling he gets from reading these things. He says they just make him feel so sad and it makes him want to cry and just come home from work. That or it makes it difficult to concentrate on work the rest of the day. He's not really worried about DS, but rather internalizing the feelings and emotions of the parents he reads about.

Ivana_Stolichnaya · June 2010

Depression runs on my dad's side; my grandmother, my dad's twin sister, dad, myself and my brother all have depression. Going on an anti-depressant really makes a difference between night and day. You feel like a you've been trapped in a rain storm and the sun finally clears up. You get an appetite and you no longer have horrible feelings constantly hovering over you.

I definitely think it's a good idea to talk with a Dr. I'm not here' to push drugs on people because not everyone wants to be on them, but I do want to stress that they do really help and it's amazing to finally get some relief from the blues.

Abinormal · June 2010

My DH is a firefighter and he said that ever since Tegan's been born it's a lot harder for him to go on calls that involve young children and babies. He said that everytime he goes on these calls he imagines what it would be like to see Tegan go through that particular situation and it makes him very sad/worried. When Tegan was only 6 weeks old he went on a call where a 5 month old baby died because he suffocated in his mother's bed. That call upset him so much that I had to bring Tegan up to the station so that he could love and hug on her for a bit.

When your DH leaves to talk to the doctor about his smoking, I would just casually ask him if he plans on talking to him about the depression issue. Anti-depressants aren't the only way to cope with anxiety/depression issues. Some people find that they feel better with just a little talk therapy.

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