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OMG what do I do?

BlueyedgrlBlueyedgrl
in Parenting after a Loss

OK so I have sat here long and hard debating on whether to post this or not, and frankly I really just need to get this off my chest plus maybe someone can help me.....

Last night DS and DD were playing on the living room floor, I was on the phone with my MIL sitting in the chair watching them, I looked out the window for literally a second and turn my head back to the kids and find DD trying to suffocate DS with a blanket wrapping it over and over around his head. I immediately said OMG I gotta go got up took the blanket away made sure that DS was ok then punished DD and told her how bad what she did was. I asked her if she would like me to do that to her and its her response that scares me.... she said no I don't want you to kill me.. so she knew what the wrapping the blanket around her brothers face would do. I can't say that she did it on purpose but I can't say that she didn't either. I asked her why she did it and I got an I dunno.

I have taken all blankets away and they are all out of reach for her expect the blanket on her bed. I really just don't know what to do. It scares me on so many levels, and there is going to be another baby. We have had some jealousy issues so is this just more of it, and if it is I think its a little extreme and something needs to be done but I don't know what. DH and I are at a complete loss on this one.

We give her attention one on one whenever we can, she isn't left out at all. IF you made it this far thanks for reading and letting me get that off my chest..

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Re: OMG what do I do?

  • popcorn13popcorn13 member
    Oh sweetie!  I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this.  How old is DD?  I imagine that at a certain age, no matter how much attention she has, she just feels jealous of DS.  I don't have any advice and think you did the right things.  I hope someone here can offer you some advice or help you figure out what to say to DD to make her understand what she was doing.  Hugs!
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  • BlueyedgrlBlueyedgrl

    imagepopcorn13:
    Oh sweetie!  I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this.  How old is DD?  I imagine that at a certain age, no matter how much attention she has, she just feels jealous of DS.  I don't have any advice and think you did the right things.  I hope someone here can offer you some advice or help you figure out what to say to DD to make her understand what she was doing.  Hugs!

    She is 5, I'm really at such a loss from this...

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  • eas15905eas15905
    Hmm, I have no idea.  I can see why it would be so scary though!  Maybe it would help to bring her to a child psychologist for a session or two just to see what their thoughts are.  At least maybe that would give you some piece of mind if they say that this is pretty typical.  You could also try talking to your pedi about it and see if they have any recommendations.  I wish I could tell you something helpful but I really have no idea what kids are like at that age :(  GL!
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  • jen-dalejen-dale member
    I'm sorry. I would be scared also. I don't know that a 5 year old can really understand this stuff. If it really bothers you or something else happens, maybe just talk to the Pedi and see what they say?
    Oct 2008 m/c #1 5 weeks, May 2009 m/c #2 4w5d. BFP 6/23/09 EDD 3/8/10!
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    After 1 year of TTC#2 BFP May 2011 m/c #3 4w2d. Off to RE.

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  • Vandy05Vandy05
    So sorry you are dealing with this. 5ish is a scary age, they dont really know what they are doing, but they are super jealous...a  bad combo. I think the child psychologist is a good idea and of course keep a close eye on her. I would assume she would outgrow it, but right now I bet DS is like a toy to her. I do not wish to terrify you but this really hits close to home, because my twin died at the hands of a 6 year old and because of it I am ultra sensitive about toddlers ad babies even though I know the majority of time they are fine together. I hope thing sresolve soon for you. <<Hugs>>
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  • BlueyedgrlBlueyedgrl
    imageVandy05:
    So sorry you are dealing with this. 5ish is a scary age, they dont really know what they are doing, but they are super jealous...a  bad combo. I think the child psychologist is a good idea and of course keep a close eye on her. I would assume she would outgrow it, but right now I bet DS is like a toy to her. I do not wish to terrify you but this really hits close to home, because my twin died at the hands of a 6 year old and because of it I am ultra sensitive about toddlers ad babies even though I know the majority of time they are fine together. I hope thing sresolve soon for you. <<Hugs>>
    you didn't terrify me but she sure did!! And it scares me even more is that there is another baby coming and its usually just me....
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  • MskharisMskharis member
    I know they have classes for siblings about to be big sisters/brothers. Maybe she can partake in one of those classes? Your lil one is still fairly new, so I can understand how she may still be jealous. And as someone else said, I would ask the pedi for a recommendation. I wish you the best.
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  • eas15905eas15905

    imageVandy05:
    So sorry you are dealing with this. 5ish is a scary age, they dont really know what they are doing, but they are super jealous...a  bad combo. I think the child psychologist is a good idea and of course keep a close eye on her. I would assume she would outgrow it, but right now I bet DS is like a toy to her. I do not wish to terrify you but this really hits close to home, because my twin died at the hands of a 6 year old and because of it I am ultra sensitive about toddlers ad babies even though I know the majority of time they are fine together. I hope thing sresolve soon for you. <<Hugs>>

    Oh my gosh, that breaks my heart  :( 

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  • MrsB0701MrsB0701
    When I was 5 my parents brought my newborn sister home. I had been an only child for 5 years so this was a very new experience for me. I immediately crawled up in her crib and bit her numerous times so perhaps it's just a stage. Maybe you should call your pedi? Good luck!!! We're here for you if you need us!
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  • UseonfireUseonfire
    I don't mean to alarm you but this is NOT typical behavior for a 5 year old.  Like PP's have said, please take her to a child psychologist for an eval.  There may be other things going on. 
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  • mrsmiller06mrsmiller06
    I think it's a good idea to call the pedi and see if perhaps you can get dd in to see a therapist of some sort. I know it sounds scary, but it doesn't nessicarily mean that something is wrong with her if you bring her to one. It can be extremely helpful to lo's to have someone "outside" to talk to- with no judgements. If you are scared, then you def need to take some sort of action- esp with another on the way. Best of luck to you- and remember, we are always here for you!
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  • PurpleK26PurpleK26 member
    I think that maybe talking to someone would be a step in the right direction, but maybe you could also talk to her about why she did it. I'd also let her know that when people do bad things like that they get punished, some people go to jail etc. I hate to tell you to scare your own child, but that is pretty serious, scared you pretty badly and if you scare her enough to not do it again, it would be worth it. But first see why she did it.
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