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3rd Trimester
Please stop asking if I'm going to have help (vent)
Ok, a very sweet and well-meaning friend just asked me on IM if I am going to have help with the baby after he is born, since then I'll have a 2 year old boy running around and an infant. I told her no, we're not planning on it unless I am just going out of my mind or having a really hard time or something. I vented about this on here last week too, when my in-laws were asking similar questions.
I am starting to get annoyed. Why does everyone ask me that? I realize its going to be a ton of work and I'm going to be grouchy and exhausted for awhile. Between constant nursing and watching our son, its going to be nuts. I get it (at least as much as I can since the baby isn't here yet). But is it so unusual to do this on your own? Isn't this how millions of moms do it - take care of babies on their own without a nanny or mother's helper? Or am I missing something and I should be getting help?
I know I am totally being sensitive here but its getting to me. It makes me worry that I will be in over my head. We live in a fairly nice area, and not that far from SF. Many many households around here have dedicated nannies and SAHMs are not as common so maybe it's just the point of view here?
What do you think?
For those of you with 2+, reassure me that this is do-able?!?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Please stop asking if I'm going to have help (vent)
I think you've answered your own question here
Although this is my first, it is totally do-able. As you said, millions of mothers do it without a nanny or mother's helper.
Good question - and yes I will have help right after. My husband will be home 1-2 weeks and my mom is coming up to help for a little while too. I am not literally flying solo the day we get home from the hospital! I'm guessing that after about 2 weeks of being home, I will be on my own again.
Completely doable!
From a been there, done that momma of girls 14 months apart- You will be tired, but learning a new normal as a family of 4 is something you'll need to do. And the sooner the better in my opinion. If your husband was deployed or unavailable for some reason than i'd suggest some relief workers at times, but as long as you have someone to help with the random night feeding or a stolen afternoon or early evening nap- you'll do fine!
Enjoy!
Are they asking because they would like to BE your help? or are they asking because they think you should HIRE help?
The two are very different motivations. If they are offering to help you (especially right at first) then TAKE THE HELP. Let them come over and do a load of dishes, make dinner, do a load of laundry or just play with your DS while you focus on you and the baby.
I, personally, don't see why you are so upset by the question, it seems totally benign to me unless they are implying that you should HIRE help, in which case I would just say, "Nope, we are not hiring help at this point, but if you'd like to chip into the fund we'll consider it" and leave it at that (and if they do chip in, hire someone to come do some cleaning for you so you have more time to focus on you, your new baby and your DS).
HA, that is a great response. And to answer your question, they are asking if we are going to HIRE help. As in a nanny, babysitter, mother's helper, whatever. Frankly my husband's family really hasn't offered any help with the exception of my SIL who is awesome with helping when she can. Anyway, I will remember the "chip in" thing. That is too funny.
Thank you kt for the vote of confidence! Best wishes to you... you are going to have your hands full too. Good luck to you (and your husband)!
We can DO it!
And when we get frustrated, we always have the Bump! And GL to you as well.