sleeping with side-lying nursing and safety

lytedark · June 2010

help me convince dh that this is okay. he woke me up the other day (!!!!!) when he woke and saw that dd wasn't in her cosleeper and was over with me and i was asleep. i'd pulled her over to nurse and we'd fallen asleep but he was all freaked out and 'you're not supposed to be sleeping with her like that' etc etc.

anyone else deal with concerned partners? how did you deal? i don't do it often and i am careful that she's not in the way of covers and am a side sleeper anyway...

blissfully_caffeinated · June 2010

What specifically is he afraid of? I find that addressing specific issues with my SO works better than generalizations. I just did a blog post about the family bed and its benefits. Maybe you could check that out? It has some info on why the family bed helps reduce SIDS.

smurfetteinred · June 2010

This doesn't really answer any of your questions but Ariel basically sleeps on her side motor-boating my breasts. And these girls could smother a full grown male.

Zoe'sMama · June 2010

Agreed- find out what the specific issue is...

DH was concerned about S sleeping with us only because he's such a heavy sleeper and was worried about squishing her. I always put her between me and the edge of the bed so he has no worries. I've learned to nurse both boobies while laying on my left side, so I don't have to switch her back and forth. Now that she's getting mobile, he's worried about her going over the edge, so she spends more time in her pnp now- until I get a railing.

lytedark · June 2010

i think he's afraid of smothering her - ME smothering her since she was between me and the cosleeper. i don't know if part of it is just 'you're not supposed to' in his head or what. i haven't told him that we've incorporated a snuggling nap on the couch together into our morning routine after he goes to work either.. she sleeps sooo much better/longer with me than if i stick her in the swing/pnp after she's asleep and so thusly so do i and sleep has helped my life immensely.

but i'll try and figure out what his specific concerns are. she is still really little, and doesn't have a ton of head control if something were over her face or whatever.. but still..

i have to get better at nursing from both breasts laying on the one side though - it's a semi disaster when i've tried lol.

StephanieDM · June 2010

I could have written this post myself! DH gets worried when I fall asleep nursing her. I can't help it, I'm exhausted! I always make sure there are no pillows, covers, etc. near her first because I KNOW I will likely doze off.

I started sitting up to nurse because LO started popping off my boobs too much while I was laying on my side. *sigh* It was good while it lasted.

CrunchOoEezyMama · June 2010

lytedark:
i think he's afraid of smothering her - ME smothering her since she was between me and the cosleeper. i don't know if part of it is just 'you're not supposed to' in his head or what. i haven't told him that we've incorporated a snuggling nap on the couch together into our morning routine after he goes to work either.. she sleeps sooo much better/longer with me than if i stick her in the swing/pnp after she's asleep and so thusly so do i and sleep has helped my life immensely.
but i'll try and figure out what his specific concerns are. she is still really little, and doesn't have a ton of head control if something were over her face or whatever.. but still..
i have to get better at nursing from both breasts laying on the one side though - it's a semi disaster when i've tried lol.

bedsharing is safe... look up McKenna articles or any articles on Mothering about bedsharing. Most checklists of how to co-sleep safely say not to sleep together on a couch though.

Jennicap · June 2010

You can tell him I sleep like that almost every night! I'm naturally a side sleeper and I keep the sheets/blankets down by my waist. I'm more intune with him in bed with me than when he's in his basinet

GypsyEsq · June 2010

I agree that you should find out what his specific concern is, then investigate safe bedsharing together, and together decide what you'll do in the future. We do bedshare and nurse and I sleep but we've come to that decision as a family and it keeps things smooth in the house kwim? Also agree with pp re: couch sleeping and strongly urge you to not do that in the future. At least not "unsupervised" - a couch surface is a whole different animal than a bed.

As for sidelying nursing from both breasts I can tell you that for me and DD it was always a hugely messy proposition until about 4-5 weeks ago when finally my supply regulated enough that I was no longer leaking at night and could easily lean over her in a way that let her access the top breast without flooding us with the bottom. But there's no way either of us really sleeps when we're doing that, it's just a way for me to nurse in that position and not bring her to the other side.

lytedark · June 2010

i've heard the couch isn't safe like the bed, but thought that was just if you're laying LO on the couch - when we nap she's sleeping propped on/against me?? :-(

and gypsy - yeah i actually got a waterproof pad for the bed to deal with my insane leaking while trying to feed like that lol.. it's hard for me to believe that eventually i *won't* leak all.over. the place some day!

Poonico · June 2010

LOL

my DH was against it at first.. basically he said that no way in h.e. double hockey sticks was baby going to be in bed with us

HAHA

That didn't last long After a few nights in bed (after the first few nights attempting to use the bassinet) he was sold He has loved it ever since.

aspade · June 2010

LOL, I also had to buy a waterproof pad.

I find that I'm very attuned to the baby at night. When she was younger, sometimes she'd start choking/coughing and within a second I would have her upright. It scares me to think how that same situation would have gone down with her in another room.

And everyone gets so much more sleep!!

I used to nap with her on the couch, but I never slept myself. I'd lie sideways towards the back, with her in between. We actually just moved naptime to the bedroom.

GypsyEsq · June 2010

We still sleep with the waterproof pad I'm so tired of it...but at least we're still nursing. Hang in there, that part gets easier.

Re: the couch, I think you'll find people do all sorts of things between baby on the couch and baby on you on the couch. I'm not going to say we've never done it b/c that would be a lie but if it's a daily routine for naptime (which sounds blissful by the way) I'd consider moving it to a safer sleeping surface. Just my 2 cents

Love the new siggy pics too!

Sassy_Cassie · June 2010

smurfetteinred:
This doesn't really answer any of your questions but Ariel basically sleeps on her side motor-boating my breasts. And these girls could smother a full grown male.

Haha! Love it! Same here...

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