WWYD: SIL and Carseat

Crissyjo30 · June 2010

I would like to prefice this by saying that I think my SIL is a good Mom - she loves her kids and takes good care of them. I just question her judgement about them sometimes.

We are going on a family vacation to the Cayman Islands this summer. SIL will be taking her 2 boys (9 and 10) and her DD, 9 months. We took DD on the same trip last summer (different island, same flight essentialy) and while its not a piece of cake, its doable if you plan ahead. I really liked bringing a lightweight convertible carseat with us on the plane, esp since we did/are taking the redeye flight to FL, then a hopper to the island.

I mentioned to SIL that I saw the carseat we have for trips on sale at Sears. She said shes not sure if shes EVEN BRINGING A CARSEAT for her DD. I looked at her like "WTF?!" and she started saying how hard it is, how they have so much stuff to bring with the stroller and the boys and everything. C'mon. You have your parents, your brother and sister in law who have no kids and are more than willing to help, and your husband to help you lug stuff through the airport. And don't even get me started on not putting a baby in a carseat IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY WHERE THEY DRIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD.

She says she will just hold her in the car. WTH do I do? Part of me wants to make a big deal about it, but we have had way too much family drama lately so I don't want to stir the pot. SIL and I get along great, and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I feel like this is a huge mistake. WWYD?

DG1 · June 2010

I think I'd have to say something, to her and to everyone involved. I'd also send along some gory photos and stories of what happens to improperly restrained children who have been in car accidents.

This IS a big deal, and I think you have to put the baby's safety over attempts to avoid family drama

Mrslove78 · June 2010

I think, as long as YOUR not driving, I'd just leave it alone. I'm very surpised by her choice, but, what can you do? You can't force her, and I'm sure you don't have the energy to fight with her about it. I'd just hope that nothing bad happens.

Sage Mommy · June 2010

Is she just taking a taxi to the hotel and not going to be in a car really? I don't see the big deal since car seats are not required in taxis here. I'd still take a carseat, but it's her decision. I'd stay out of it.

klink11 · June 2010

No carseat on the plane with a child 9 months old isn't a big deal to me. We took DD with us last summer when she was 9 months old to Hawaii without carseat and she was just fine. We did however check one so when we got to our destination we had one for the car.

If she doesn't want to bring one with her I would suggest renting one from the car rental agency. Most offer this service although it can be pricey.

Wifey2007 · June 2010

I would tell her that I'll bring a carseat for her daughter. Then she would feel bad about it and maybe she would change her mind. That's just irresponsible in my opinion....especially if you are going to be driving around a lot!

Crissyjo30 · June 2010

klink11:

No carseat on the plane with a child 9 months old isn't a big deal to me. We took DD with us last summer when she was 9 months old to Hawaii without carseat and she was just fine. We did however check one so when we got to our destination we had one for the car.

If she doesn't want to bring one with her I would suggest renting one from the car rental agency. Most offer this service although it can be pricey.

I don't care about the plane. We are all renting cars when we get there and she doesn't want to have one, period. And when we go on these vacations its not like we just hang out at the hotel everyday. We go on a daytrip everyday and go out to dinner everynight, so lots of car time. She has said that she doesn't want to rent one through the car rental agency because they are "crappy" carseats.

Lucy_Plus_One! · June 2010

Ugh! What an awkward situation to be in. You never want to be one to question someone's parenting decisions, but this is a matter of safety. Even if carseats are not required, she should know by now that they are important if she wants to keep her baby safe. It boggled my mind that they aren't required in taxis too. Geez.

I would approach her and say that you really don't want her to be upset at you, but that you feel really obligated to say something about the safety risks of not using a carseat with an infant. Tell her that you know she has a lot to pack out there, but that you feel like everyone would be more than willing to carry her carseat for her if it meant she would bring it along and keep the baby safe.

GL!

Sage Mommy · June 2010

Wifey2007:
I would tell her that I'll bring a carseat for her daughter. Then she would feel bad about it and maybe she would change her mind. That's just irresponsible in my opinion....especially if you are going to be driving around a lot!

That would seriously piss me off. I don't think that's the right route to go at all.

Mrslove78 · June 2010

Crissyjo30:
klink11:

No carseat on the plane with a child 9 months old isn't a big deal to me. We took DD with us last summer when she was 9 months old to Hawaii without carseat and she was just fine. We did however check one so when we got to our destination we had one for the car.

If she doesn't want to bring one with her I would suggest renting one from the car rental agency. Most offer this service although it can be pricey.

I don't care about the plane. We are all renting cars when we get there and she doesn't want to have one, period. And when we go on these vacations its not like we just hang out at the hotel everyday. We go on a daytrip everyday and go out to dinner everynight, so lots of car time. She has said that she doesn't want to rent one through the car rental agency because they are "crappy" carseats.

Oh, you are renting a car? If I were you, I'd refuse to go anyplace with her, or drive for her, but I'd stay out of it. I'd just say, I'm not comforatable being in a car with a baby not strapped into a car seat. Can you rent a seperate car? So you and your family can just meet up with them, and you don't have to be a part of her bad choice?

Sage Mommy · June 2010

Crissyjo30:
klink11:

No carseat on the plane with a child 9 months old isn't a big deal to me. We took DD with us last summer when she was 9 months old to Hawaii without carseat and she was just fine. We did however check one so when we got to our destination we had one for the car.

If she doesn't want to bring one with her I would suggest renting one from the car rental agency. Most offer this service although it can be pricey.

I don't care about the plane. We are all renting cars when we get there and she doesn't want to have one, period. And when we go on these vacations its not like we just hang out at the hotel everyday. We go on a daytrip everyday and go out to dinner everynight, so lots of car time. She has said that she doesn't want to rent one through the car rental agency because they are "crappy" carseats.

Ok. So it's not just a taxi ride. Hmmm. That changes things a little. Maybe she'll rent one when you get there. Stupid with that much regular car time, but still her decision.

murphyec · June 2010

Could you see if there is a place to rent car seats once you get there? Otherwise I would harp on the safety issue until she gives in or bring her a seat myself. A friend of mine traveled with her 9 month old to the Bahamas and brought a car seat, it isn't that difficult.

ETA: i just saw your response about her thoughts on a rental agency. So a rental car seat is a POS, but holding her child is any better?

mavs_girl07 · June 2010

How much is the carseat that's on sale? I would probably just spend a little of my own money and just buy it and bring it with me. Spring it on her as a nice gesture, and come up with something like "Hey, my friend had an extra one and let me bring it for your lo!". Maybe if you approach it this way, she'll be more likely to use it and it won't start drama?

Crissyjo30 · June 2010

Mrslove78:
Crissyjo30:
klink11:

No carseat on the plane with a child 9 months old isn't a big deal to me. We took DD with us last summer when she was 9 months old to Hawaii without carseat and she was just fine. We did however check one so when we got to our destination we had one for the car.

If she doesn't want to bring one with her I would suggest renting one from the car rental agency. Most offer this service although it can be pricey.

I don't care about the plane. We are all renting cars when we get there and she doesn't want to have one, period. And when we go on these vacations its not like we just hang out at the hotel everyday. We go on a daytrip everyday and go out to dinner everynight, so lots of car time. She has said that she doesn't want to rent one through the car rental agency because they are "crappy" carseats.

Oh, you are renting a car? If I were you, I'd refuse to go anyplace with her, or drive for her, but I'd stay out of it. I'd just say, I'm not comforatable being in a car with a baby not strapped into a car seat. Can you rent a seperate car? So you and your family can just meet up with them, and you don't have to be a part of her bad choice?

Yeah, each family gets their own car, so this SIL and BIL will have one with their kids, we (DH DD and me) have one, and MIL FIL other BIL and SIL have one. We will never be riding in the same car. Which is good, bc I don't feel comfortable being in a car with a baby not in a carseat either, but I just feel bad about the whole thing.

JoannaJes · June 2010

I may be in the minority here, but if I imagine the same situation with my SIL, I wouldn't say anything. Not because it wouldn't bother me, but because it's her choice and her child. If she wants to choose convenience over safety, it really sucks, but that's her decision.

klink11 · June 2010

Crissyjo30:
Mrslove78:
Crissyjo30:
klink11:

No carseat on the plane with a child 9 months old isn't a big deal to me. We took DD with us last summer when she was 9 months old to Hawaii without carseat and she was just fine. We did however check one so when we got to our destination we had one for the car.

If she doesn't want to bring one with her I would suggest renting one from the car rental agency. Most offer this service although it can be pricey.

I don't care about the plane. We are all renting cars when we get there and she doesn't want to have one, period. And when we go on these vacations its not like we just hang out at the hotel everyday. We go on a daytrip everyday and go out to dinner everynight, so lots of car time. She has said that she doesn't want to rent one through the car rental agency because they are "crappy" carseats.

Oh, you are renting a car? If I were you, I'd refuse to go anyplace with her, or drive for her, but I'd stay out of it. I'd just say, I'm not comforatable being in a car with a baby not strapped into a car seat. Can you rent a seperate car? So you and your family can just meet up with them, and you don't have to be a part of her bad choice?

Yeah, each family gets their own car, so this SIL and BIL will have one with their kids, we (DH DD and me) have one, and MIL FIL other BIL and SIL have one. We will never be riding in the same car. Which is good, bc I don't feel comfortable being in a car with a baby not in a carseat either, but I just feel bad about the whole thing.

Who is in charge of car rental? Whomever is should call the agency and have one placed in their car.

DG1 · June 2010

JoannaJes:
I may be in the minority here, but if I imagine the same situation with my SIL, I wouldn't say anything. Not because it wouldn't bother me, but because it's her choice and her child. If she wants to choose convenience over safety, it really sucks, but that's her decision.

That's all well and good until the baby DIES and you have to live with the guilt of not even trying to say something, never mind dealing with the mark it leaves on the family forever.

EastCoastBride · June 2010

Can you find out if there are laws in the Caymens about carseats? If they have any laws in place, that would be something to bring to her attention.

EcoBaby · June 2010

I would say something. You don't have to say it to her - say it to your brother. I would say it to either of my siblings. That is really crazy to me to not have your kid in a car seat, especially in a foreign country where you aren't accustomed to the driving conditions. And what is so hard about bringing a carseat if they are renting a car? They can check the carseat and not mess with it again until they get their car, and then just strap it in for the rest of the trip. This is nutso to me. Sorry, but I would be judging big time on this issue. If you aren't comfortable saying something, maybe your parents will say something or someone else you are traveling with?

A car seat is much more important than a stroller. If I had to choose one or the other, it would be the car seat.

JoannaJes · June 2010

DG1:

JoannaJes:
I may be in the minority here, but if I imagine the same situation with my SIL, I wouldn't say anything. Not because it wouldn't bother me, but because it's her choice and her child. If she wants to choose convenience over safety, it really sucks, but that's her decision.

That's all well and good until the baby DIES and you have to live with the guilt of not even trying to say something, never mind dealing with the mark it leaves on the family forever.

She wanted opinions, I gave her my own. I stand by what I said. There are a lot of choices that parents make that could potentially lead to fatal consequences. Furthermore, you could go on and on about this. Should I say something when she gives her 1 year old popcorn? What about if she leaves her window blind cords hanging down inside her home? I just hope that she has HER own baby's safety in mind, as I do about my own.

Echowysp · June 2010

We ended up having to hold ds when we were over in the middle east last summer. When we borrowed a car from family, we were able to use a car seat, but that wasn't always the case. It was scary, but sometimes things aren't feasible in foreign countries. I know Iris had the same issue when they went to Argentina.

Now, not wanting to bring one at all, that's crazy.

lauren&matt · June 2010

Crissyjo30:
IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY WHERE THEY DRIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD.

it's not the WRONG side of the road- it's just the opposite side from what you are used to. Sorry.. just had to say it. That always bugs me

ETA- and I have a VERY unpopular opinion, but I'll state it anyway. Every time we go on a tropical vaca, we rent cars. (we always stay in condos or houses and we need our own mode of transportation.) We never get on highways and we honestly probably never drive over 30 mph. We aren't doing long highway driving and I'm sure you're not doing that in the Caymans either.

Is it a good idea to skip the carseat? No... Would the child be safer in a carseat- yes. For certain. BUT the driving is different... you're driving slower and not such long distances.

It's your SIL decision and I probably wouldn't get my panties in a wad over it.

btw- I have never been to the Caymans... maybe it's toll roads going 80 mph all the way, lol.

kes3237 · June 2010

JoannaJes:
I may be in the minority here, but if I imagine the same situation with my SIL, I wouldn't say anything. Not because it wouldn't bother me, but because it's her choice and her child. If she wants to choose convenience over safety, it really sucks, but that's her decision.

This exactly.

kes3237 · June 2010

lauren&matt:
Crissyjo30:
IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY WHERE THEY DRIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD.
it's not the WRONG side of the road- it's just the opposite side from what you are used to. Sorry.. just had to say it. That always bugs me

Thanks - I was waiting for someone to make that point!

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