s/o Untelling

writergirl5786 · June 2010

so we told pretty much no one this last time. we weren't gonna tell til after first tri. but we did tell our families b/c we obviously wanted them to know what's going on through the best and worst. (and i told my best friend IRL b/c she's had a loss)

so we told my fam and DH's fam on father's day and then my family all left on vacation last monday. they don't get back until this afternoon. So thursday when the sh!t hit the fan...i just couldn't bring myself to do it. i couldn't call my mom and ruin their vacation. now they are coming home today and i have to call and tell them, and i'm actually scared. it's not like they're going to be mad or anything (well my mom might be mad that i didn't call right away) but i just do not want to let them down again. they were all so excited (especially my mom, who prays daily for a grandbaby). i hate this.

we told DH's parents but not his siblings yet and i know my mom isn't gonna be thrilled that they knew the whole time and she didn't.

i don't know why this is worrying me so much, but it definitely is. i'm just really hoping that i can get ahold of the dr sooner rather than later so that i can *hopefully* have something definite to tell them other than "well i bled alot on thursday, just spotting since then, my numbers are low but don't say anything for sure."

GAH! give me some answers people!

ok sorry, this got long and venty. thanks for being there for me girls. i seriously don't know what i would've done without you this weekend. i love you all so very much!

rjl07 · June 2010

I'm sorry you are going through this again. I hope your mom understands why you waited to tell her, especially since you don't have definite answers yet. Hope you are doing ok. ((hugs))

babes12 · June 2010

i think once you tell everyone you'll feel alot better. it's always so hard right before you have to tell but i know everyone will understand. i'm sorry you don't have anything definite to tell them but i think it will be really nice to have some support too. GL and ((HUGS))

Mocha Girl · June 2010

I'm sure that your mom will understand... I would have done the same if I was in your position.

Nobody IRL (except for a few bumpies that I met) knew I was pregnant, because we were waiting for a good u/s. Since that didn't happen, I still felt the need to tell my mom about the mc yesterday and I was also very nervous about telling her (I'm so glad that I did though).

Her reply: I knew something was going on because of the T&P's you received on FB. I didn't want to force you to tell me because I knew you would in your own time. Tell your friends that I am so grateful that they are there for you and I am praying for all of them (which made me cry).

Then my mother, the deacon at her church, did the unthinkable.... She dropped the f-bomb! Which cracked me up! She said there's a time and a place to use that word and I think this situation calls for it. I love my mother!

Sorry, that got long.... Just thought I'd share my "un-telling" story because my mom wanted me to tell you she was praying for you. I'll be thinking about you today and I'll pray for strength for you. I know starting the conversation will be very hard, but I really hope she takes it well.

(((hugs)))

writergirl5786 · June 2010

Mocha Girl:
I'm sure that your mom will understand... I would have done the same if I was in your position.
Nobody IRL (except for a few bumpies that I met) knew I was pregnant, because we were waiting for a good u/s. Since that didn't happen, I still felt the need to tell my mom about the mc yesterday and I was also very nervous about telling her (I'm so glad that I did though).
Her reply: I knew something was going on because of the T&P's you received on FB. I didn't want to force you to tell me because I knew you would in your own time. Tell your friends that I am so grateful that they are there for you and I am praying for all of them (which made me cry).
Then my mother, the deacon at her church, did the unthinkable.... She dropped the f-bomb! Which cracked me up! She said there's a time and a place to use that word and I think this situation calls for it. I love my mother!
Sorry, that got long.... Just thought I'd share my "un-telling" story because my mom wanted me to tell you she was praying for you. I'll be thinking about you today and I'll pray for strength for you. I know starting the conversation will be very hard, but I really hope she takes it well.
(((hugs)))

thanks all of you girls!

and thanks for sharing hun! i know i'll be so glad once i do tell her and i love my mom to death, i just know she's gonna be so sad. and i HATE feeling like i've let people down. can you tell i'm a people pleaser?!

Scout05 · June 2010

I am so sorry you are going through this, and I would hope people would understand you were doing what you had to do to protect yourselves.

:::hugs:::

Court1 · June 2010

I'm so sorry you're going through again. I must say that one of the worst moments for me the day of our m/c was calling my mom. It was just heartbreaking. I didn't feel like I'd let her down, so much as I knew she'd want to take away my pain & it's just not possible.

This is totally different, but I'd been keeping the TTC struggle to myself & not letting my family in on what we're going through. My mom knows I've been on edge & not that fun to be around sometimes. Last Friday I decided it was time to let her in on what we're dealing with (TTCAL 7 months & beginning infertility treatments). Since I can't vocalize it without breaking down, I sent her an email. It seemed immature as I was doing it, but I felt so much better when it had been said & we went back & forth about it for a while.

So I'm pretty sure that's totally irrelevant to what you're dealing with today, but it made me think of it. Your mom doesn't want to see you in pain. She's not going to be let down, she's going to want to comfort you.

:::Big hugs:::

bbhalphen · June 2010

I'm so sorry. I hate that we're even having to have this conversation. Honestly, though, I think your family will understand and be supportive. I had the same worries when I had to "untell." You have a good family from what I've read and I'm sure they will be focused on you and your health! It's not fair!

butterfly843 · June 2010

Sending hugs, untelling is so hard. After our loss I relied on dh so much to untell. Talking to my mom the first time after our loss was so hard. Will keep you in my thoughts. I had the same feelings as you, like I was letting everyone down.

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