- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Success after IF
LucyPevensie
member
Going through a really rough patch right now.
LucyPevensie
member
My sister has sold her house after getting notice of foreclosure (so it was lost either way.) Her 22 year old son's mental illness continues to get worse, and she is too depressed/scared/in denial to do anything about it. He lives at home, cannot function at all, and is at times verbally abusive and threatening to those around him. I rehomed her 14 year old dogs a month ago (homeless humans = homeless dogs - I found an angelic dachsund rescuer who took them, that was a miracle, so at least I didn't have to lie to the kids - they really AREN'T going to be euthanized but will be kindly cared for.) Her two younger daughters continue to be impacted by all of this. Their dad died 5 years ago from drugs. They have nowhere to live come August 8. My sister's piddly income working at a bakery and the social security they receive from my BIL's death disqualify them from any additional aid.
ETA: Her credit is shot - shot. Finding a rental is going to be tricky - and she hasn't even started looking.
I am so fuucking anxious I can't think straight. I am also concerned about Jack's head - most of you know he had plag and wore a helmet last summer for 15 weeks, had improvement but not a total "fix" - now he has some new facial asymmetry that has me GOING OUT OF MY MIND - I am taking him to a specialist soon, I don't know what's going on - if it's always been there? And I didn't notice until one day - I did? Or if it's new? I don't really know. Am searching for answers but have no strength right now. Just feel frightened, and like I should have done more, gotten a second helmet as I knew it was not totally resolved when he outgrew his first one, but ortho said he looked "great" so we decided he was done. Now he's regressed, or something. I don't know. He's too old for another helmet now.
I'm really low. I'm having a hard time. I forgot to take my dogs to the groomer yesterday even though DH reminded me about a half hour before I needed to leave (and then he headed out to work.) I just .... forgot.
I don't know what is going to happen with my sister. I don't know how the girls (16 and 8) are supposed to keep going - and keep growing up - and turn into anything other than damaged drug addicts/alcoholics.
It's too much. All of it. And my husband unfortunately isn't able to be terribly supportive. Just the way it is.
Wheee!
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Going through a really rough patch right now.
Married 8.13.2005, M/C 12/8/06- 5 weeks, M/C 2/27/07- 7 weeks, M/C w/ D&C 8/10/09-6.5 weeks *Charles Lawrence born 5/2/08 @ 3:14am, 7lb 8oz, 20.5 inches. Clomid, Crinone and baby aspirin. *Alexandra Claire born 9/14/10 @ 9:52am 6lb 14oz, 20.5 inches. Femara, Crinone and baby aspirin.
I'm so sorry you're hurting. Try to remember that you have to take care of yourself, too.
*hugs*
This is very good advice. If you are not in decent shape, you will be of little help to others.
Did you say that you have an appointment for Jack? See what the docs say. I know that it is easy for me to say, but your worrying won't change what the doctors say. You are a fabulous mom and Jack is a lucky boy to be yours!
As for your sister and her family. . . yikes. What an awful situation. I wish that I knew of something that could help. . . but if she's as depressed and struggling as she is, looking for a better paying job is beyond what she is capable of doing right now. Are there family members who could take them all in? I hope that she realizes that she needs to do *something* and soon. I am happy that she was able to actually sell the house. In this climate, that is a bit of good news.
Hang in there. I know it looks bleak right now. . . but you've got to keep putting one foot in front of the other. We are here for you!
Shiite lucy, I don't blame you. I wish I had a word of wisdom, but I will say this - you have every reason to feel stressed and anxious. I think the only thing I might offer is that YOU can't do it ALL. Rope in as many family members and friends as you can to help shoulder this - even if it is just to support YOU, bring in others who can help.
I read once that it doesn't make sense to have two people worrying about the same thing. Not that you can stop worrying, but know that you are not alone in this.
Many, many hugs coming your way.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
(((Big, Big, Big HUGS)))
I am really sorry. I wish that I had something that I could say that could possibly help you, but instead I will offer hugs and let you know I'm thinking of you.
~12/05 * 7/06 * 12/06 * 4/07 * 10/08~
"When the world says, "Give up" hope whispers, "Try one more time"
After 4yrs, 5 IUI's, 2 IVF's, 2 FET's, PGD, and 5 losses our little miracle is finally here!
Oh A, I'm so sorry
Certainly it's not the same but my mom is going through the the whole foreclosure/bankruptcy thing (with 3 of my younger siblings still at home with her).... I know I feel pretty helpless, short of paying all of her bills there isn't anything I can do but be a shoulder to cry on... I can't even imagine what you're feeling with all of your sister's other issues and now with little J's head stuff and your H.... overwhelmed is probably the understatement of the year.
(((hugs))) Mama... I'm here for you. Sending many hopeful vibes to your sister and her children, 'easy fix/no big deal' vibes to J and 'get your sh!t together and be nice to your wife' vibes to your H.
Hannah
Does she have savings/retirement, etc.?? If not and she is actually going to be homeless and she makes below 50% of the area median income for her family size(not necessarily a really small amount), she qualifiies for HPRP (Homeless prevention and rapid rehousing) money that is a part of the stimulus bill. Every state got it. You can get some info at www.hudhre.info/hprp
There may be some other assistance for her due to her recent foreclosure but I really only know about the "homeless" side of things.
As always, page me if you need more info.
Hang in there!!
i'm sorry you are having such a rough time with everything.
as far as the sister/family thing goes - DH's brother has been very needy in similar ways - and DH used to try to help make it right all the time- and it just brought DH down with him - and me as well. I finally had to say "enough is enough" --- he's an adult- he needs to fix his life - you can't do it for him, obviously- and trying to is ruining OUR life. Dh realized I was right- and gave up trying to help --- he is there to listen and offer advice if asked for it - but he will not loan money, go out of his way for stuff, etc.... and magically- his brother has turned some of his life around (still has many issues - all his own fault).
perhaps you need to just stop trying to help your sister ---- in the least offer to help her younger kids- but that's all... because you can't fix her - you can't fix her life - so letting it stress your life and your family isn't healthy for anyone.
I hope you can find some resolution and sanity. ((HUGS))
Lady, I can't even begin to imagine..i get stressed out about what is going to happen with my extremely irresponsible sister, and all the problems she has were brought on herself..i can't imagine all of the stuff your sister has dealt with/is dealing with
with jack...i hope it is something that can be very easily dealt with/he will grow out of (don't know if that is possible, im naive on the subject)
ugh...im sorry i have no great words...just support, that is all i can give. that and some silly virtual ((HUGS)), but if i was close to you, i would give you the biggest real life hugs possible..
love to you..im always here for you
Joey, Ronnie, and Audrey,
my awesome IUI 30 week twins, and my surprise miracle
LOVE my SAIF ladies
Amber
TTC since March '06
MFI, LPD, possible PCOS
3 chem pgs * m/c identical twins at 9w 10.06
IVF w/ICSI #2 - beta - 187! (9dp5dt), beta - 367! (11dp5dt)
IVF w/ICSI #3 - it's a girl!
My IF Blog: Between the Lines
My Parenting Blog: Letters From Your Mama
My Blog
Our successful cycle was IVF #2: Microdose Lupron Flare Protocol - 2 beautiful blasts transferred.
email me: gretchela@hotmail.com
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) Our first love and loss 7/2/07
3 cycles clomid TI = BFNs
3 cycles clomid Ovidrel IUI = BFNs
6/27/08 Surprise BFP = chemical pg
IVF#1 July 08 BFP @7dp3dt
TTC #3 since February 2010
FET Sept. and Oct. 2010=BFN's
IVF#2 June 2011=BFP
i've been thinking of you a lot...i guess i should have known something was up. i'm sorry you have this weight on your shoulders. your family is incredibly fortunate to have you. it sounds like you are the rock...i'm sure it's hard being the rock, but you are making a difference in their lives, even if it's not as much as you wish you could be doing. i hope things are on an upswing soon and you have more time to focus on yourself. as for jack, i really hope what you're seeing is more of something only a mom would notice than something of a serious nature.
LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
Life is beautiful!
I'm so, so sorry. I hope things get better very soon and you will all be in my thoughts.
(((HUGS)))
Hang in there girl. Sounds like you are doing all the right things. This is just a lot for anyone to handle at one time.
Take control of the situations that you can. And know that (sad and stressful as it is) you can offer all the love and support in the world, but you can't change your sister's situation for her. That is her job. All you can do is offer the tools.
And seriously, though it may be impossible to picture now your nieces will be ok. How could they not be with such a wonderful and caring aunt in their lives.
My sister and I grew up amidst a lot of turmoil, sadness, anger and chaos. But our aunt, uncle and grandparents were the people we turned to for support and examples of how adults should behave. We truly credit them for helping to keep us from major life derailments.
Being a consistent loving force in the lives of those children will mean more to them and their development than you will ever know.