Marriage Advice Needed

KristysRedBarn · June 2010

I know this isn't TIP, but I know you ladies.

We got engaged 7 years ago and will have been married 7 years in Oct. From the begining the agremeent was that DH would not be gone out on long haul trucking, he would be home often. This was a priority of our's. We also said that there was no way we would bring children into a home where the dad would be gone all the time, I grew up that way and didn't want that and DH agreed.

For the last couple of years DH has been wanting to go back to long hauling trucking, like he did before we were married, I was very much against this and let him know that. He took this new job and told me he would be home often. He's been home only about 24hrs out of a week, gone 6 nights per week and were getting ready to start another week of this. At first I thought it was just becaues he was new and it was part of training. No, this is the way it will be if he stays there, there is very little hope of it changing. If he cuts back on hours and potential get's in trouble, he may be able to drive his personal vehicle 2 1/2 hours and come home once during the week.

He told me this morning that he knew it would be this way when he took the job even though he told me he would be gone only 1-2 nights per week. I really feel like he lied and manipulated to get what he wanted, to go out on the road.

I'm so hurt and angry. I don't know what to do. We of course should be FWP, so that complicates things too. Marriage counceling would probably be in order, but how do we go to counceling when he's not home?

I may DD later, I hope you understand.

Scout05 · June 2010

I can totally see why you are upset. If he knew this was important to you, took the job anyway, and was not upfront about the time he would be gone, I agree with your assessment - it's a lie, and lying is a hard thing to overlook.

I think you need to be honest about how hurt you are, and make sure he understands that this is serious. This is not a little something that is going to blow over, or that you will "get over." If he is committed to his marriage, and to making you happy, he will sit down and talk this out. And be willing to make a change if it means that much to you.

And counseling is a great idea. Make sure he knows you are serious about that as well.

dondraandluis · June 2010

You have every right to be hurt and angry. I would be PO'd if my DH did that. I would be having a talk with him. I think that counseling is a great idea. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this and I wish I had more advice on what you should do. I hope that you guys are able to work this out.

ColindaP · June 2010

Oh hon, I really don't even know what advice to give you. I'm just sorry that you're having this trouble on top of everything else. We're here for you.

piedpiper07 · June 2010

I would be very upset with him too! I hope things get better for you and he realizes the importance of being home!

Court1 · June 2010

I would be very upset too. I think you need to sit him down for a long talk & possibly look into counseling. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. :::Big hugs:::

mlmtgg · June 2010

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It must feel even worse thinking that DH kept this from you. I know at the time he started this position you guys were having some tough times with his being out of work - so maybe he felt as if he had no choice? Is there a way to make a plan for him to transition out of this, or continue looking for something that is closer to home?

butterfly843 · June 2010

I would be angry also. I think it's a good idea to set up an appt with a counselor. Sending lots of hugs your way.

KristysRedBarn · June 2010

mlmtgg:
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It must feel even worse thinking that DH kept this from you. I know at the time he started this position you guys were having some tough times with his being out of work - so maybe he felt as if he had no choice? Is there a way to make a plan for him to transition out of this, or continue looking for something that is closer to home?

Actually I'm the one who's laid off. His job wasn't perfect, by any means, but he did have a job.

kew243 · June 2010

Oh Kristy. I am really sorry to hear this. I knew you were frustrated about him being gone, but to learn that he knew he would be gone would make me really upset. I'm really sorry. It sounds like you guys are going to have sit done and talk about this and counseling could be the way to go. I think it is fair to a mediator of sorts to help you both get your thoughts out.

3ltlones · June 2010

I"m sorry, that is terrible. And, I would be upset as well and feel lied too. I hope that you are able to talk with him and come to some kind of comprimise. I too think that counseling would be great if you can figure something out with timing. Hugs Kristy, I'm sorry.

pepomntpat · June 2010

I think counseling is definitely in order. He'll just have to use the time he is at home to get to those appointments. That is a big betrayal of your trust and you and he will have to work hard to get past it. Good luck to you. {hugs}

JordanB23 · June 2010

I'm so sorry doll! I have no advice, but I hope that you can both talk this out and find what is best for ya'll and your future children. Good luck.

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