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Wedding shower etiquette question

alisonadaalisonada member
in Cincinnati Babies

Good friends of ours are getting married in October. I just got an invitation to a shower being thrown by some of her work friends that I've never met, the shower is this Friday. I'd like to go, but DH will be working, and getting a sitter isn't an option that day (for numerous reasons that I won't get into.) I know lots of times it's considered acceptable to bring little girls to baby showers, but IMO wedding showers are a different animal. So I don't know what to do.

Do I call the RSVP person and ask if it's OK to bring the girls? (I hate to put her on the spot like that, especially since I don't know her at all.)

Do I ask the bride? (Again, I hate to put her on the spot. I'm pretty sure she'd say it's OK to bring them because she's just one of those super-nice agreeable people, but if she'd truly rather have a kid-free event I'd completely understand.)

Or should I just decline? Call/e-mail the bride and explain that I don't have a sitter so I can't come? Or call the RSVP person?

OH - Piper is the flower girl in the wedding, if that matters.

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Re: Wedding shower etiquette question

  • AmandaAndJason09AmandaAndJason09
    I'd call and ask the hostess (who knows what type of formality she's going for in planning the shower), although most of the time, I assume that little girls are fine at showers. Of course, all the showers I've been to have been fairly casual.
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  • MoestenMoesten
    My initial inclination is to decline and send along a nice gift for all the reasons you mentioned (host or honoree might prefer a kid-free event and not wanting to put anyone on the spot). Maybe you could RSVP by phone saying that you are sad you can't make it because you don't have a sitter and that would give the host the opportunity to say it's fine to bring the girls without you having to put them on the spot by asking them outright. Does that make sense?
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  • Lucky_N_LoveLucky_N_Love member
    ditto Moesten I would say that unfortunatly you weren't able to find a sitter so you won't be able to make it. It puts the ball in her court. If she thinks it's okay for them to come she will tell you. If not she will say that she's sorry and they will miss you.
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  • Meg41208Meg41208
    I'd probably decline.  It sounds like she's going to have other showers that will be more convenient for you to attend.  A Friday shower sounds kind of like an adults-only thing to me.
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  • alisonadaalisonada member

    Thanks everyone! Moesten, I totally get what you're saying, I was thinking of doing that.

    Meg - I'm not sure if she'll have other showers, but I'm thinking not. Her family is fairly uninvolved and scattered around, and I get the impression this is her main "friends" shower. Not that it's the end of the world if I don't go to a shower for her, just mentioning this.

    The other question is - I'm seeing her tomorrow, she's bringing the flower girl dress over for Piper to try on. Do I mention the shower? It just seems kind of funny to not say anything about it (and then call the hostess to decline the next day). But again...don't want to put her on the spot.

    I know, I'm overthinking this...

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  • sistrkatesistrkate

    I think you should just say, "I'm planning to call so-and-so tomorrow, but just so you know, I won't be able to make it on Friday since I don't have anyone to watch the girls."  You guys are good enough friends (since I know who you are talking about) for you to say that and for it to sound casual.  I don't think that's putting her on the spot at all, you're just letting her know yourself.  I know a few people couldn't make it to my showers (baby or wedding), and even though I wasn't the hostess, it was nice when they let me know themselves that they wouldn't be there.

     

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  • alisonadaalisonada member
    imagesistrkate:

    I think you should just say, "I'm planning to call so-and-so tomorrow, but just so you know, I won't be able to make it on Friday since I don't have anyone to watch the girls."  You guys are good enough friends (since I know who you are talking about) for you to say that and for it to sound casual.  I don't think that's putting her on the spot at all, you're just letting her know yourself.  I know a few people couldn't make it to my showers (baby or wedding), and even though I wasn't the hostess, it was nice when they let me know themselves that they wouldn't be there.


     

    Thanks Katie - I think that's exactly what I'll do.

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  • kel716kel716 member

    I've used this phrasing before...

    "I'm not sure if I can make it or not because I don't have a sitter yet; I may not know until the day before X."

    For me, this implies that I'm trying to get a sitter but I'm not sure if I can... then it opens the door for them to say 'just bring the girls' without actually asking.  If they don't take the bait, then I either get a sitter or stay home, KWIM? 

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  • Dani3679Dani3679
    I'm the odd one out here, but I think that since Piper is the flower girl it would be on to bring them. I know weddings the Ryleigh has been the flower girl for she has come to the showers. In your situation I'd probably do what the other ladies said and casually mention it to your friend.
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