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Military Families
Depressed, 1st pregnancy, husband deploying, need advice!
I'm almost 13 weeks pregnant with our first child and my husband is deploying in 3 months (I'll be about 6 mths pregnant when he leaves). I am feeling deep sadness and slight depression because of him leaving and not being here for my 3 trimester and 9 months of the babies life. Honestly, I AM TERRIFIED!!
I'm moving back home to be close to family but will be living by myself. I'm NOT looking forward to living alone but it has to be that way. I spoke to my OB today and he said it's very normal to feel this way especially since he's leaving. He prescribed me Zoloft (25 mg for 6 days and then 50 mg after that). He is a wekk known doctor and had be one for many years.
I spoke to the pharmacist and she said if she were me, she wouldn't take the medicine b/c it's category C and for the 2nd half of pregnancy it's a category D med (which means it's not very safe for pregnant women). I told the dr. what she said and he told me that he believes it to be safe and has never heard of woman having problems while being on it or of any birth defects. Also, that there aren't any human studies showing bad signs.
I really want to have someone that I can talk to whose been where I am now. Scared, terrified, worried, ...... is there anyone whose been in my shoes? This sadness is taking away every bit of happiness a mom to be should have.
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Re: Depressed, 1st pregnancy, husband deploying, need advice!
DH left when I was in my early 2nd trimester. This is our first deployment, and I was sad that he was going to miss out on pretty much my entire pregnancy since I didn't know I was pregnant for a good 2-2.5 months. Skype has been an absolute Godsend throughout this deployment. He got to come home in time for Gia's birth as well so that was nice. I don't have any family close, and I have maybe 3 friends here.
My advice to you is to just take it one day at a time. Think of your husband and all that he's missing out on. He has it way worse. That mentality is what kept me from having pity parties for myself (not saying that you are). Take pictures so he can see your growing belly and do as much stuff as you can while he's here.
As for the medication, I wouldn't take it just because I hate the way Zoloft makes me feel. While he's gone keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy to combat your depression. You'll make it!
Dh left when I was 7 months pregnant. He was able to come on R&R for the birth & left (5 days later) me alone, recovering from a C-section with no friends (they all deployed too) or family.
I didnt know how I was going to do it all by myself once LO got here. But I have, all by myself , & while being in the army full time. So I am here to tell you that you CAN do it. Its hard but not impossible. The sadness & depression is of course normal in these types of situations. I didnt feel the need for meds while I was pregnant. Preparing for the baby & creating craft projects was what got me through. After the baby came, I did get Zoloft, but really I only have it for peace of mind. In my head, I feel better knowing it is within reach if I feel the need to take it.
I agree that you should take it one day at a time. For me it was setting the smallest goals for myself, that worked. Most importantly, dont be afraid to ask for help. There are so many resources out there for us military families.
PM me if you need anything else!
My husband will deploy next month and won't be home for good until the baby is 6-7 months old. It's our second, and this deployment was a bit of a surprise.
Regarding the Zoloft, I'd try talk therapy before medication, just because your depression is more situational than chemical. The base chaplain would be a good person to talk to, and you should be able to get a referral to a licensed therapist from your doctor if you ask. Many, many women (and men) have had spouses deploy when their children were young, and there are definitely ways to make it through without losing yourself and your joy to depression.
I completely understand. I am a bit farther along than you are but my husband is about 800 miles away from me so he really has missed out on so many things during my pregnancy so far. We also aren't sure if he will be home for the birth of our son.
There is one thing I learned when I was in high school, it is from AA but its still a healthy way to live your life. Take life one day at a time. If you worry about months in advance you will drive yourself nuts. Take things one day at a time. Also keep yourself busy. I was going to school full time and also doing 10 million things which helped. The worst seemed to be at night when I was in the bed alone and my mind would go all over before I fell asleep. Its okay to allow yourself to cry and be upset. Its normal, even more so with the hormonal shifts going on. I felt so alone and like no one at all understood what I was going to through. Realize you aren't alone. If you need anything PM me.
I understand how you feel - DH is gone now. Just make the most out of it. Try to include him in as much as possible. Go do a registry, tour the delivery room, have a baby shower. Enjoy your time and register at SKYPE if you havn't already.
As for Zoloft - I hated it while on it. I felt out of sync with my body. Also - I would try counsling, exercise, self help before medication. Then again, I'm biased. i get irritated at doctors who want to prescribe you medication when your down. Your not feeling depressed for no reason - your DH is leaving. You'll get used to the idea and learn how to carry on with things until he returns. Just be careful and do your own research. I just know that personally, i wouldn't take it. And getting off it sucks.
I am in a similar boat with the meds- I am currently 11 weeks, and my doctor told me to re-start my cymbalta anytime I want in the next four weeks before my next appointment. I have dealt with depression my entire life, and this is the first time in several years I have been without meds. I work in the MH field, so I am able to recognize in myself some very bad patterns of thought and emotions. I wouldn't say that I am suicidal at the moment, but I am not properly caring for myself.
DH, my OB, my mom, and I had a long talk at my last appointment, and my OB feels that my level of anxiety is not good for my pregnancy and that the risks of taking medication are far less than the risk of my continuing on my current path. So far this pregnancy, I have tried talk therapy, and all the lifestyle modifications possible, but my anxiety is still through the roof. My OB is urging me to start this week, because DH leaves me in a week and a half- and won't return until after baby is here. I work full time, and I am in grad school at night, so I am already doing too much.
I wish it wasn't something I needed, the withdraw was long and painful, but I cannot keep going like I am. My baby needs me to take care of myself, to be able to clean my house and get around, at the moment, I get home from a 12 hour day of work and class, and I don't even eat I am so tired!
I'm in the same boat. DH will be leaving for a year when I am about 5 or 6 months. We are not sure of the date yet. This is our first and we have only been married for a year.
For now I try not to think about him leaving too much because I want to enjoy the time that he is here and able to participate in the pregnancy. We took our childbirth classes early so we could do them together and he is planning his vacation time for around the due date so he can be home for the birth.
We are buying matching laptops before he leaves so we can SKPYE all the time and he can watch me grow and watch baby grow when he is away.
I know how you feel. I think a lot of us do.
You are definitely not alone in this.
As far as the medication, try to think of that as a last resort. With all the chemicals and hormones zooming around in your body already is might be a bad time to add more. Try exercise, counseling, all the other things that the ladies suggested and if none of them do any good then maybe start considering drugs.
I know what you are going through. Last June 3rd, my DH left for training at the beginning of my 2nd trimester, he was all over the country. He got to come home for about 5 days after the baby was born, then had to go back. A week after he was finished with training he left again for a year long tour to S. Korea. Go figure, I had visited him with my DD one weekend in February when he had actually gotten the whole weekend off, so 2 weeks before he left, I found out I was pregnant again. =P So we're going through it again. When he gets home DD1 will be 17 months old and DD2 will be 4 months old. Its really hard and sucks to think about raising two babies alone, but I figure if I survived taking care of one, I can survive taking care of 2. Lol! But, in all seriousness the only thing that kept me from falling into depression was reminding myself that no matter how hard I think the separation is on me, its even harder on my husband because he's the one missing out on everything. We also talked as much as we could. I concentrated on sending my hubby pictures of my growing belly, u/s pictures, and (once DD1 was born and he left) I would send him pictures of her every day almost. I tried to keep busy so that I wouldn't dwell on him being gone and I try not to let myself think about how much time is left before he comes home. We still have a while. Once you have a routine set with you and your baby, things come together and you'll be ok.
When the baby comes just concentrate on your beautiful baby and time will fly faster than you'll realize! I agree with the ladies that said to keep the medication as a last resort. Find someone to talk to and a way to keep yourself busy and distracted. 
Feel free to PM me if you need anyone to talk or vent to.
PS if you and your DH don't have Skype... get it if you can.
We just started skyping (finally got webcams) and it's the best thing ever! My DD is unsure of who the crazy guy on the screen is, but she's starting to love chattering with her 8 month old crazy talk. 
Good luck!
Well I like to stay positive about it. I mean thinking negative will only make me miserable like too many women. Plus it's not good for the baby.
Where in NY are you and YH?
I was in the exact same a little over a year ago. Actually it was better when he really did leave. I know it sounds crazy, but the thought of how tough it was going ot be was worse than actually just dealing with it. Think how great its going to be to get to spend every minute with your baby. Sure it would be better if your husband was there, but its still tons of fun. Honestly, you will be fine during the pregnancy part, and once you get the baby home you will be so excited and taking tons of pictures that the time will fly by. My DH was deployed when my son was born and came home when he was 7 months old. I will say I decided for my husband to miss the birth and come home instead when DS was about 12 weeks old and I think it was a great decision. My thought was the birth was already a stressful time and I would feel like my attention needed to be focused on DH since he's only there for 2 weeks and it needed to be focused completely on DS. Instead I got to really enjoy seeing my DH spend time with my DS once I was more used to being a Mom. They are still some of my greatest memories. I ended up having DS 3 weeks early so I'm really glad we had made that decision before so I wasn't stressed about it.
As far as the medication, do what you feel is right. I took Metformin during my pregnancy which was also not proven to be completely safe, but I belived it was the right thing to do. I think follow your insticts and you will be fine.
I agree with many of the previous posters and can't stress enough Just take it ONE day at a time. My husband is deployed until December and I went through most of my third trimester on without him. I can completely understand what you are going through. Though I was fine with the pregnancy alone it was after he was born that I freaked out.
I even got the Zoloft, although I had really bad side effects from the very beginning so I stopped it after 6 days, in the end the side effects were much worse than randomly crying all the time. Oddly enough I haven't had much crying since stopping the meds so in a way they did there job. I will warn you to check out the withdrawl from stopping the medication, some of it sounds pretty scary and if I had read that first I would have probably opted for therapy first.
But I digress, my biggest vice has been I keep looking ahead thinking how am I going to raise this child to 8 months by myself? You have to force yourself to just make it through the day. Days will go by slow, but the weeks will start going by much faster. If you have to have your mom or whomever call you once a day and tell you that you can do this, you HAVE to. My mom calls me at least 3 times a week to tell me this, its starting to get a little annoying but at the same time I think I need to hear it or I will forget that I am a good mom.
I will warn you that it will likely get harder before it gets easier, but then you get that first smile, and that first laugh and all the bad stuff goes away. But in the mean time keep talking to someone, cry it out and don't bottle any emotion you are feeling it is all normal and you deserve to let it out. And please don't ever think you are alone, many people have posted on here and it has also helped me feel better knowing someone else is going through it too.