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Postpartum Depression
sam19
member
NATALIE - 9/13/09 HANNAH - 6/8/12
I am not depressed, I am not depressed, I am depressed.
sam19
member
I wish I could just say "I am not depressed" and it would just disappear. I'm tired of the taking medicine for it everyday and feeling like a bad mother/person. I've been told by doctors that it would be advisable for me to never stop taking my medicine and that just makes me feel like a huge failure. Like I can't be a normal person without being medicated. Sometimes I try and go off my medicine because I think I can do it but then I just end up how I am now. Unhappy and wishing I was somebody else. I really hate who I've become. I kind of want out of my life right now.
le sigh. Off to pop some anti depressants.
NATALIE - 9/13/09 HANNAH - 6/8/12This discussion has been closed.
Re: I am not depressed, I am not depressed, I am depressed.
I am sorry that you feel like such a failure. Have you considered looking at it differently? If you had a different medical condition, say a thyroid problem, you would take the medication for that and not feel like a failure, right?
Depression is a medical condition. You are not a failure because of it. You can not will yourself healthy from it. Yes, there are things that you can do, like talk therapy to help make yourself feel better, but, for deep depression, medication is necessary.
I do understand how you feel. I have been on meds for nearly 15 years now. I was treated for depression for nearly a decade before a doctor finally got my diagnosis right--ADHD. My depression was a secondary manifestation of my untreated ADHD. So, I will always be on meds for that.
Then, after my son was born, PPD/PPA hit me like a ton of bricks. When I talked to my psychiatrist a couple months ago about how long I should stay on my antidepressants, he suggested that I keep taking them for years. He said that research shows that people who are treated for depression and take their meds for years have healthier brain scans than those who stop taking the meds sooner.
I know that I feel better when I take my meds. I know how I feel when I don't take my meds. I choose to take my meds every day because they make me feel better.
I hope that you are able to come to terms with this so that you don't feel like a failure. You are not a failure!
I'm sorry you feel that way. I feel that way sometimes too. It is not fair that we have to deal with this and will likely be afflicted by it for the rest of our lives, but it's not fair that some people deal with cancer or blindness either.
Some days its hard to look past the struggles but I try to say out loud one thing I am grateful for whenever a negative thought pops in my head. Most times I feel like I don't deserve the things that make me most happy, but I am grateful that I have them anyways.
(((hugs))) I hope tomorrow is a better day.
Its hard when you start the meds to come to terms with it. I feel like thats also part of the issue though - part of the game your brain is playing with you to make you feel bad. DO NOT TRY to go w/o it right now.
Anyone can try to go off the meds in time - do not feel like this is a life sentence. Its hard for docs to know what to say - some people are comforted by knowing that they don't have to go off the meds ever. Babies are way too hard to deal with to be messing around with transitioning away from them, though.
You cann't just go on and go off SSRIs like they are Tylenol. Effects build up over time and you'll "heal" more the longer you are on it. Just plan to saty on them for a year or so and then talk to someone about transitioning off of them.
GL!
Thank you ladies. I know, in the logical part of me, that taking my meds is for the best and I'm a better mom for getting help and treatment for depression. I just still have my "off" days even on medicine and sometimes I just get so overwhelmed with it.
It's sad that it's so taboo to talk about these types of feeling in our society. I feel like I can't talk to my mom or any friends because they just don't understand or, maybe, just won't admit to similar feelings. I'm so thankful that we have these boards.
::hugs:: to all you ladies fighting this battle.
I agree with whoever said that it's just like any other medical condition. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. In our case, it's also that added bonus of unbalanced hormones. For that, simply wishing it away, or mind over matter isn't going to be enough no matter how much we want it to be. Believe me, I went 7 months fighting it wanting it just to go away(that's not including the 9 months of depression during the pregnancy). There is no shame in doing what we have to do to control what our bodies and minds are doing to us. It's what needs to be done so we CAN be ourselves again. And like it was mentioned above, meds are not a life sentence. There may be a time that you can wean off of them and go on without them. For now, this is what we have to do.
My suggestion is to make sure that you find the combination that works best for you that makes you feel the most like yourself. So that you can hardly tell you're taking them. There is a combo out there, it's just a matter of finding it. If a med doesn't feel right to you, speak up. Try something else. It took me MANY meds before we found what worked. Now I am on something that I am me and don't even notice that it takes meds to be who I am. Hopefully that makes sense.
Take care. Chin up.