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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
StrawberryAlarmClock
member
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Help from DH?
StrawberryAlarmClock
member
DH says that while I'm on maternity leave, he's not getting up at night with DS. I'm so exhausted that I've almost fallen, dropped LO, and passed out. I have constant headaches and my ears have started ringing. I'm pretty sure it's sleep deprivation. When DH comes home, instead of taking DS so I can catch up on sleep, he naps. After an especially bad night last night, I told DH this morning that I need help b/c lack of sleep is starting to affect my health. He said that it doesn't make sense for him to be up at night since he's working and I'm not. I said OK then I need you to take him in the evenings so I can sleep a couple hours. He didn't respond, just walked out the door for work.
Is this how it is in your house?
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Re: Help from DH?
Uh, YUP! sounds like my home to a T these days...I am back at work and DH is actually taking care of DS 1/2 days, then I come home to care for him the rest of the day while DH works nights....When I was home full time he would come home, take a nap, go to gym and then go to bed like an hour later....no help...now, he still doesn't get up in the middle of the night (If and when DS gets up), all he does is get up, feed a bottle, plop DS in swing until I get home....
I wish I had an answer as to how to make them see how much we do around the house and that we need a little bit more help. I totally get how you feel and I really hope it gets better for you soon! Hang in there mamma!
Alex (11/14/06) and Nate (5/25/10)
"Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are." - Rev. Forrest Church
My DH wouldn't dream of being such a jerk. It wouldn't even cross his mind to act like that.
If I were going to have to function as a single parent, I would BE a single parent. It took 2 of us to breate our children; it takes 2 of us to care for them.
Honestly, your husband sounds like an ass.
While I was on leave, I did the night duty because thats what I thought was right. He had to work. He would have been more than willing to do more but I usually told him no...that he should sleep. On the few occasions I felt near a breaking point, he never once hesitated to jump up and take over. Thats what a father SHOULD do.
I would be beyond livid if DH pulled that crap with me. Not only is that being a bad husband, but its being a bad father as well.
DH and I used to do shifts at night when DD was sleeping in the living room. I'd sleep 8-11, he'd sleep 11-2, I'd sleep 2-4, and he'd sleep 4 until he needed to get up for work. Once DD had a semi-predictable sleep schedule we moved her to the bedroom and now he gets up and changes her and brings her to me to feed her, then puts her back in the bassinet when I'm done. I felt bad since he was working and I wasn't, but he said he wanted to help.
Also, swaddle for naps, seriously! It's the only way DD will be put down and stay asleep. I do it at night and for her afternoon nap.
DH works, but even though I am a SAHM he realizes what I do is actually physically and mentally harder than his job. (He does accounting for his family's business and goes and comes as he pleases). When he gets home LO is his. When he goes to bed LO is mine again. Although, at first DH didn't really "connect" with LO so it was harder at first (a LOT of fights, arguing constantly, and me almost taking LO and leaving). He now knows I need sleep or I can't take care of our son during the day. I'm sorry your H isn't helping you... at all it doesn't sound like. Seems to me you need to have a long talk with him and tell him you didn't make LO by yourself and he needs to do his part.
And by the way, if my husband told me our house had to be clean and there should be a sandwich waiting on him when he got home I would laugh SO hard in his face.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter
"><a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"><img border="0" src="http://tickers.myfitnesspal.com/ticker/show/825/1820/8251820.png" /></a><p style="text-align:center;width:420px;"><small>Created by MyFitnessPal - Free <a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com">Calorie Counter</a></small></p>DD#1 is 3! And LO#2 is on his/her way! Due Feb 26th, 2014.
BFP#1: EDD 5/7/2010 born on 5/20/2010. A little girl named Emily.
BFP#2: m/c 10/29/2012 EDD was 6/21/2012 Baby Hope was 6 weeks 3 days.
BFP#3: Twin B stopped growing at 8 weeks and 5 days. Found on 8/10/2014. EDD was 2/26/2014. Twin A is still doing great and due date is 2/26/14.
THIS. Your husband sounds selfish and needs a kick in the ass, IMO.
We're a bit different because DH works nights and I work days. But even when I was on maternity leave, we would trade off watching the baby during the day so the other could sleep and get things done. He gets home at 3:00am usually and now it's his shift to listen for the baby until I get up to go to work at 6:00am. Then she's his for the entire day.
My DH has had his moments. We had a blow out last night in fact, because he never helps and I'm getting frustrated with it. I don't expect him to stay up at night, but its because I'm nursing him (I'll still get up with him when I go back to work)---so I expect more help when he gets home from work. And he complains everytime I have to ask him for help right when he walks in (or anytime, practically---its like "why can't you do this yourself? What do you do during the day when I'm not here??) Yesterday I asked him to take the baby, and since he knew I was doing it out of frustration with his lack of help, he refused. I tried to shove him in his arms, and FINALLY he took the baby. I was incredibly upset.
That said, my DH DID stay up with DS in the early weeks until 1 am. We did a rotation thing, so my DH stayed up till 1 with him, and then I came to get him at 1 and took him all night. That worked well because my DH lost out on maybe one hour of sleep (and usually not that, because he would sleep while the baby was sleeping during that time, which was the vast majority of the time he was watching him). I would come out only to nurse him when needed, then he would watch him again till 1 am. It worked really well for us in the very beginning. Then when I caught up on some sleep, and things got easier, I quit expecting that.
This! I couldn't imagine my DH not helping.
I am not sure if it was you, but didn't you post a DH vent yesterday as well?
Either way, your DH needs to take care of HIS child and stop acting so selfish. The way he's acting would get a swift kick to the nads from me
Are you freaking kidding? What was your response to him?
Have you asked him why he has no interest in being a father? He is behaving like a total @ss. It's his child too, and it's ridiculous to think you should be on 24-7 baby duty and he just has his 8 hour a day job.
To answer your question- my H has always been a hands on father. I took the night shifts, but he always got up with our kids in the morning so I could catch up on sleep.
DH is truly my partner for baby stuff.
Among other things, He :
*Does most of the diaper changing
*Gets up for night feeding
*Helps burp
*Makes me a late night snack
* Does tummy time, because I can't sit on our wood floors
Your Dh is the babies father, right?
Then him getting up with the baby and caring for the baby is not helping, it is parenting. It is part of the job.
Your DH is a azzhole.
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That's so weird that he wasn't a complete dill-hole while you were dating and engaged and only became exactly like his father, according to you, until after you gave birth to his child.
Firstly, your DH is only behaving how he has learnt to treat his wife by his dad and by his mother accepting that. YOU won't be able to raise your son to be any different unless YOU stand up for yourself and have a serious come to Jesus talk with your husband.
On to your question...I do all the night time wakings because I have the flexibility to nap during the day where as DH can't while he's at work. BUT, he takes care of the nappy change and plays with LO after her 6am feed while he gets ready for work so i can go straight back to sleep after feeding her. Plus we split the evening chores. So one of us will bath LO while the other one cooks. Normally DH baths LO because it's daddy/daughter time.
I don't see the point of us both getting up in the night because that would just make us both super tired. The important thing though is dividing things so that it works for you both. Clearly your current arrangement isn't working for you.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old