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didnt see myself here...

kgreekkgreek
in Postpartum Depression
Hi. I've been lurking around, a little scared to come in. I had ds 3 weeks ago-- 1st week went great. He slept well, latched wonderfully and I really enjoyed breastfeeding...then suddenly everything changed. I just began crying about the silliest things (missing my old life, feeling like I'm not doing a good job at being a mom, never sleeping) and its gotten progressively worse. I cry a lot. I feel overwhelmed. My breasts began to hurt soooo badly that I'd cry when he'd latch and then turned to using a bottle more and now I'm hardly producing and feeling like a failure over it. The worst part (and hardest to admit) is that I don't feel like I'm bonding w ds much at all. I love him so much but when people come over and want to hold him, I feel so relieved. And when I get out of the house, I don't "miss" him like all my friends say they do w their LOs. I'm so ashamed to admit that. I kept thinking I was just adjusting and definitely over-tired but now I am going to breakdown and call my doctor tomorrow. Hopefully it will get better soon... Anyway, thanks for listening to my vent. And you have no idea how much it helps to read all of your posts and know I'm not alone...
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Re: didnt see myself here...

  • Dsm17Dsm17
    "I love him so much but when people come over and want to hold him, I feel so relieved".....I can relate to this in so many ways....I'm just now getting help and definitely recommend that others that feel in any way I do, do the same...Good luck on this journey, because thats what this is....a journey...I feel ya
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  • itsspykittyitsspykitty

    We're in the same boat. My DS is 3 weeks also. Def talk to your Dr.

    You are sooooo not alone. It is a miserable feeling and so so cruel. One hand you can't help feeling the way you do and on the other you feel guilty for feeling that way. It is mind numbing and awful.

    I went through this with DD 2.5 years ago and it DOES get better with time and treatment. 

    Don't feel guilty for not missing DS. I think it is baloney when people say they are soooooo in love with the LOs. It took me a good 8-12 months to realllly fall in love with DD. 

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  • Smudges*MomSmudges*Mom member

    I'm glad to hear that you will be calling your doctor.  With help, you will feel better sooner rather than later!

    Can you "schedule" people to come over to spend time with you each day?  Even if its friends who come over at lunch time from work for 30 minutes.  Obviously, longer would be better for you. . . but, having that contact and something to look forward to helped me (well, that is as long as they were friends/family who I didn't have to pretend around).

    I remember feeling the guilt of wondering what I'd done to my life and the innocent, sweet baby sleeping nearby.  Ugh.  How I felt was far from what I thought that I'd feel and what society tells us we should feel.  Do not feel ashamed, you've done nothing wrong.  It is a chemical imbalance in your brain.  It can and will be corrected.  You will feel better.  It may take a bit more time, but you are taking the right steps.

    We're here for you!  I hope your doc can get you in ASAP!  Keep us posted! 

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  • kgreekkgreek
    Thank you ladies :) Yes, I have friends and my amazing mother is over at the drop of a hat if needed. I'm very thankful for them!! And I've opened up to them and they're all soo understanding. The more I talk about it, the better I feel.
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  • losmittylosmitty

    This is my first entering this board. I felt like you did. I think MOST mothers do. It's very natural. You are getting almost no sleep and are exhausted and in pain all the while working harder than ever. How can that be an easy transition. I never was on meds or anything, but I had my mom come stay with DD and I once a week for like the first 3 months. I got to nap, just sit back or do whatever. It was a wonderful break. If you don't have a friend or family member who can give you a break, check into a Mother's Day Out" or other drop in daycare. Get a pedi, relax or just take a nap. Breast feed your baby as long as you can. If your milk dries up, don't feel guilty- after all something that makes you resent LO doesn't help either of you.

    PS- I don't know a single mother with or without postpartum depression who hasn't had breakdowns, you are sooooo not alone!

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  • mrsh1545mrsh1545
    I just had our baby boy last Monday and aside from not missing him when I leave, because I have not left him yet, I have all of the same feelings you do.  Breastfeeding started to become difficult before we even left the hospital due to how hard he sucks.  He was 9 lbs. 6 oz at birth and likes to eat a lot.  I had blisters on both nipples and had to turn to formula to give myself a break from crying during every feeding.  I don't feel like I am doing a great job at being a mother since I turned to formula to supplement the breast milk I get from pumping.  I just put him back to breast and they are already sore again and I hate it.  I feel like if I don't do it than I have failed him and myself.  I know a lot of people use formula and there is nothing wrong with it, but breastfeeding was something I really felt strongly about.  I cry everyday about how much harder this is and how I miss my old life,  I even miss work.  So glad I am not alone in this...
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