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vacation with my parents and ILs advice please

EMTEMT member
in Parenting

My parents traded their timeshare for two condos in Kauai for a week in August. My mom invited the ILs to come which I was actually excited about because the kids love all their grandparents and having them all there will allow DH and I to have some fun. The deal has always been (and the ILs knew this before they made any sort of commitment financially i.e. bought their plane tickets) that the kids and DH and I would share a condo (my brother would sleep on our pullout) and the ILs and my parents would share the other.

The ILs are sort of notorious for saying they are coming to things and then not coming when it's really time to commit. Yesterday, I was surprised to get an email from FIL saying they bought their plane tickets...so they are def coming. He also says in the email, "we can discuss later who gets stuck with us" which I am taking to mean they want to stay in our condo. I'm thinking they are going to say they want to stay on our couch. DH made it VERY clear the last time they spoke what the sleeping arrangements would be and they said they are not sure they are comfortable sharing a condo with my parents and essentially forcing my brother onto the couch. DH didn't back down and said well that's what the arrangements are. I understand their concerns (not saying they aren't valid) but I feel like basically their options are to share with my parents or get their own room (they are not paying for any of this except their plane tickets).

I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable but I'm finding this incredibly annoying.  They are getting basically a free vacay except for plane tickets (which are half as much as ours) and they are getting demanding with the sleeping arrangements? My concern with having them in our condo is that the kids need to sleep or this vacay won't be fun for anyone. They need their own room and they need some QUIET when they are napping (MIL is NOT QUIET even with kids sleeping). Ugh, this is so annoying...I'm not comfortable with my ILs sleeping on the couch either...I mean they are in their 60s. Also, I would just be more comf if we had our space.

Am I being a brat? This is way more of a sacrifice for us financially and I feel like we are spending too much money to not have the vacay we want.

What do I do?

 

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Re: vacation with my parents and ILs advice please

  • Marce921Marce921 member
    I completely agree with you and would have DH to continue to handle things. I would not back down on the sleeping arrangements.
    Marcey
    Kaden William 11/4/06 and Dawson Michael 6/30/10
    Dawson's first birthday - at the zoo
    image
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  • AggieCoupleAggieCouple member

    I would definitely let H handle it, and make sure he sticks to his guns.  But, definitely make it sound like they're HIS guns, not yours.

     LOVE the sigg, btw!  LOVE IT. 

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  • EMTEMT member
    Should I let them sleep on our couch if they want to?  How does DH say no to that without saying "we don't want you in our room"? :)
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  • AggieCoupleAggieCouple member
    By citing your exact reasons listed above.  The kids need peace and quiet.  Also, this is your family vacation, too, and you need personal space/time together.  They need to get to know your parents better.  And finally, use guilt: "Would you want to offend EMT's parents by refusing to stay with them when they so generously offered it to you?"
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  • EMTEMT member
    My mom thinks she should call them and let them know they want them to stay with them too in case that is their concern.
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  • jayhawk25jayhawk25
    I don't blame you at all for being annoyed. That's pretty bold of them to be so demanding about the arrangements when your parents were gracious enough to invited them along.  PP's advice about stressing the importance of your kids getting rest and not offending your parents was good.  And definitely make your DH handle this.  I make DH handle his parents so I'm not always the bad guy.
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  • SumnerBrideSumnerBride

    Can't say that I blame you for being irritated.  I would be!  Make the H stick with the AGREED upon arrangements.  Do not let him back down.  And no, they can't sleep on your couch for all of the reasons you've stated.  The kids need a quiet area, otherwise there will be hell to pay.

    I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.  But, you just need to make sure that the H is doing all the talking.  And I wouldn't have your mom call his mom. 

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  • Marce921Marce921 member

    imageEMT:
    My mom thinks she should call them and let them know they want them to stay with them too in case that is their concern.

    This might be a good idea.... they may feel more obligated to stay with your parents this way.

    Marcey
    Kaden William 11/4/06 and Dawson Michael 6/30/10
    Dawson's first birthday - at the zoo
    image
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  • elm1032004elm1032004
    You are a better woman than I am since I wouldn't have invited the InLaws in the first place.  Make your DH stick with the plan and let him handle it.  It will be fine.
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  • hopefulmomhopefulmom member
    I would have your mother call and personally invite them to stay in their condo.  I know I'd feel weird staying in the same condo with my DD's MIL and FIL.  We know them pretty well...but not THAT well.  Maybe your mom could mention some things that they could do as a foursome after you have gone to bed with the kids, etc (play cards, board games, out to dinner, etc).  Make they really feel welcome.  kwim?
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