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Job offer for DH - WWYD? (LONG)
Background...DH is a federal govt contractor. He's been working in the same company/project for about 7-8 yrs now. His job pays really well but he now hates it. Since he is working on a particular project, he feels his skills and knowledge are getting limited. Also, he gets frustrated with the people he works with (no offense to fed employees). Aside from the job paying well, the only advantage is that his office is across the street from mine so we go to work together and it's pretty convenient for the both of us it. It is also a couple of miles away from where we live. Since last year, he's been trying to find a new job. He's had a couple of interviews but nothing worked out. He is even willing to take a pay cut. He is that miserable in his current job.
Well, yesterday, he got a job offer. It is also a federal contracting job but is based in Richmond which is ~2 hrs away from DC (where we live). This will entail him being in Richmond 3 days/week. They want him to start next month and they said the project will be done by Nov/Dec. Career-wise, he thinks it is a good move for him. He said the new project sounds interesting. He will learn new skills which will make him more marketable after. After Dec, he can get transferred to another project back in DC and have more leverage to ask for more $ because of his new found skills/knowledge. He has not accepted the job nor negotiated his salary yet. He'll probably get 10K less than his current paycheck but they will give him a signing bonus.
Now, this is problem. I am DUE on OCT 24th!!! 
. I'd be honest, when he told me about this, I got upset. I fully support him in getting a new job that will make him happy but with the travel involved, it will be a bad timing for us. My sister and mom will visit after I deliver but they will probably only stay for a month. I told DH, what about the time when I am due? Who knows when this baby will decide to come out. He said, once he gets the phone call, he'll definitely be on his way up to DC. I am not sure which days he will be in RIchmond but he'll definitely be home on weekends. I am also thinking, what about the first few months after the baby is born? I know I would need help. I am sure my mom and sis will help when they are here but what about the time when they are not here? This will be our first baby so everything is overwhelming for me and knowing he will not be readily available to help out will make it much harder :-(. Will I be fine taking care of the baby all by myself since he is only out 3 days anyway? Or are we out of our minds for even considering this job offer at this time in our lives? WWYD???
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Job offer for DH - WWYD? (LONG)
I think that you should each take some time to calmly think about this. But, ultimately, I think that he should NOT take this job. However, it would be nice if he arrived at this conclusion on his own.
1 -- A new job means he'll need to put in extra hours to prove himself. And it could limit how much time he's able to take off when the baby comes. Plus, it could mean fewer vacation or sick days this year. That could leave you on your own at a time when you'll need help the most. So it could leave you resenting him. Is being happy at work worth being unhappy at home?
2 -- Being 2 hours away means that he could miss the baby's birth. Honestly. And it could mean that you'd have to depend on someone else to drive you to the hospital. My SIL's husband was working 2 hours away when her first was born and he didn't make it b/c the baby came so fast.
3 -- Making 10K less would be a dealbreaker for us. I don't know how long you'll be off on mat leave and how much of it will be paid, but if you're looking at some unpaid time off then you need his full paycheck. Don't underestimate how expensive babies are. Things add up... And you'll want to start that college fund too!
4 -- Do you have more than one car? Because you'll need 2 if he's going to be in Richmond and you're going to be home alone...
We were in a similar situation. DH has been in his job for 11 years and is bored with it. He has been interviewing and got a job offer for what sounded like a good opportunity. But they would only give him 10 days vacation and sick time combined each year. Right now, he still hs 3 months of sick time that he can use until Alexa is 1. Plus he has a ton of vacation that carries over. Also the salary was $10K less. And we'd loose out on Metro benefits and daycare benefits that add up to another $10K in savings/year.
He tried to negotiate for a higher salary, saying that we could make it work if the monthly take-home was the same. But they said no and that he'd make up for the loss by an end of the year bonus. But the bonus was not guaranteed, takes 5 years to vest and is in company stock. Yuck!
The offer came in Jan, a few weeks before I was to go back to work. So it was a time that I felt already stressed about the transition. Plus our daycare was in his old office building, so I'd have to be on daycare drop-off and pick-up every day, which I can't do with my kind of job. And I only get 7 sick days a year, so if Alexa needed to stay home after I used them up, we'd be SOL.
After a week of soul searching, DH said no. It was hard because he wanted a change, but the job was not the right fit for us, the timing was bad and the $$ was not enough to make up for the downsides. As it turned out, an opportunity for a new office at his current job came open and he got the transfer so he's much happier at work, although the pay is the same. He's still looking tho, but we feel this was the right call for us.
Anyway.. HTH!
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog
Malia has some great points. I would tend to agree with it all but wanted to say you guys could probably get through it if you decide it is what is best for your family in the future.
My DH is self employed. He is just starting out and while he makes good money, it could be better and he gets no benefits (he would have to buy his own insurance if I didn't have a good policy through work, and he gets no paid vacation/sick since he only makes what he bills minus expenses). He has started to build a good reputation and is starting to get more of his own referrals (so he makes more profit) so I know this was the best decision for us. On the flip side, his previous job paid slightly better and had pretty good benefits BUT it was mentally not stimulating, completely not in the field he wanted to be in, had LONG hours, and a LONG commute.
I am supportive of this b/c it is exactly what he wants to do and no time like the present to start to get established in our community. BUT it did mean that he could only take off ONE day for Jack's birth (the actual day he was born (Fri) but Sat/Sun) - and had to leave to do an out of town trial for a week when Jack was only 1 week old. If he isn't working he is making money. The trial was a huge wrongful death case that emotionally took it all out of him before and after. This wasn't ideal, but we made it work and continue to make it work. I pick up a lot of slack - all dr. appts, any future sick time, I will be the daycare point of contact, and continue to carry all our benefits.
Your situation isn't really similar though - the 2 hour commute might scare me. However, there are some days that DH was more than 2 hours away from me as he prepared for the out of town trial and I just knew that I would need to rely on my family if needed.
Thanks for all your insights. My hormones are not helping which makes me more emotional than I should be.
DH told the company that he would have to take time 2 weeks off when the baby is born. They told him it won?t be a problem. Not sure how much vacay and sick days he will get and whether he would have to ?pay back? the 2 weeks.
We currently have one car. We?re actually planning to buy another one soon but the company will provide his rental car to/from Richmond. It is true that I would have to rely on somebody else who would drive me to the hospital if need be. DH?s family lives 45 mins away. My immediate family does not live here. My closest relative also lives 45 mins away. I am also worried about him missing the birth. DH thinks he can just easily drive up but we all know that things don?t always go perfectly as planned :-(.
I plan to be on mat leave for 16 weeks. 4 weeks of which will be unpaid but I can always use my sick or vacay days. I am not too worried about that. I am more worried about him not being here when I suddenly go on labor and not being present to help out when needed. I guess for me it?s more of fear of the unknown. I do not know when I will be on labor. I do not know what kind of help I would need when the baby is here. I do not know whether I need to deal with PPD which may make the situation worse than it already is. If I am not pregnant, I would tell him to go for it in a heartbeat but with our current situation, it?s tough
.
DH and I will have more discussion about this tonight. Sigh.
Unfortunately, I think the timing is just off for this opportunity. Even if you have your mom and sis around, you will want DH there too, and this situation sounds like it would eat him up time-wise. It's the beginning of your new life as a family and it'll be important for him to be present and available as much as possible. You only get that time once.
If I were in your position, I would encourage DH to continue looking, but to plan on staying where he is and using up as much time off as is reasonable when baby arrives -- something he couldn't do in a new job. I'd be fully supportive of his desire to transition to a more interesting job and I'd also be OK with a pay cut if that were necessary. But, I think the family time and the flexibility of the old job should come first for now...