XDB is getting married

SnowflakeBaby2009 · June 2010

I knew it was coming, but now just by a little facebook/myspace info (they're not on my friends list don't worry) and people gossiping, the wedding is coming up within the next couple of weeks. He has seen DS once, over 5 months ago. He didn't seem to care that he doesn't see DS at all, doesn't have him in his life, or for Fathers Day, his bday last month, or even his wedding. I don't care, I hope he leaves us alone forever. DS is so much better off without that horrible, abusive person in his life, and the woman he is marrying doesn't like children, so she is encouraging DB to not see DS. So far, so good.

alibabbbs · June 2010

Sounds like a royal mess.

SnowflakeBaby2009 · June 2010

It's awful and I hope he leaves us alone for good once he has his happy little homewrecker.

Mama2S-K-M · June 2010

At some point I think you can file abandonment and have his parental rights taken away. Not sure how long he has to go without contact, but it looks like he's well on his way! Does he pay cs?

SnowflakeBaby2009 · June 2010

Mama2S-K-M:
At some point I think you can file abandonment and have his parental rights taken away. Not sure how long he has to go without contact, but it looks like he's well on his way! Does he pay cs?

Nope, not yet.

mrgn · June 2010

I think it is VERY sad when a father wants no part of his child's life. I can't imagine wishing that he'd always want no part.

keelyxrosepetal · June 2010

mrgn:
I think it is VERY sad when a father wants no part of his child's life. I can't imagine wishing that he'd always want no part.

I agree.

fauxshelley · June 2010

Nate has such a beautiful, sweet smile. I can't imagine how someone, especially his own father, would not want to see him. His loss.

still07 · June 2010

Mama2S-K-M:
At some point I think you can file abandonment and have his parental rights taken away. Not sure how long he has to go without contact, but it looks like he's well on his way! Does he pay cs?

only 6 months!! already checked with my lawyer...

still07 · June 2010

SnowflakeBaby2009:
I knew it was coming, but now just by a little facebook/myspace info (they're not on my friends list don't worry) and people gossiping, the wedding is coming up within the next couple of weeks. He has seen DS once, over 5 months ago. He didn't seem to care that he doesn't see DS at all, doesn't have him in his life, or for Fathers Day, his bday last month, or even his wedding. I don't care, I hope he leaves us alone forever. DS is so much better off without that horrible, abusive person in his life, and the woman he is marrying doesn't like children, so she is encouraging DB to not see DS. So far, so good.

someday, you'll find someone to love you & DS the way you 2 should be loved... not that i know you and your situation, but i completely agree that you & him are better off without XDB in your life! i know because i'm in the same situation...except XH has never seen DS, and still claims (Through threatening emails that I printed, and will never respond to) that DS "might" be his, when LO is spitting image of his "Sperm donor"...that's what i refer to him as. butttt, stay strong & know that you got the best thing ever----your son!!

SnowflakeBaby2009 · June 2010

mrgn:
I think it is VERY sad when a father wants no part of his child's life. I can't imagine wishing that he'd always want no part.

You have to do what is best for your child, and him not being around is best for my child. So yes, I do hope he leaves us alone. Why would I want a terrible person in my sons life just because he created him? Creating a child doesn't make you a Father.

gogo2325 · June 2010

I am so sorry for this in your life..but you don't need it and neither does Nathan.

Get that little guy to an Agent, quick! He is beautiful!!! Look at that face!

You both deserve only the best so onto a better life! It's better to be alone and happy than to be with someone who is toxic. Let that horrible other woman have him. Count your blessings!

I tell my STBX all that time that while he is our son's Father he is NOT his Daddy. The title "Daddy" must be earned...

soyaddict · June 2010

SnowflakeBaby2009:
mrgn:
I think it is VERY sad when a father wants no part of his child's life. I can't imagine wishing that he'd always want no part.

You have to do what is best for your child, and him not being around is best for my child. So yes, I do hope he leaves us alone. Why would I want a terrible person in my sons life just because he created him? Creating a child doesn't make you a Father.

I completely agree with you and I hope XDB leave you guys alone.

mandaphilly · June 2010

Amanda, I have to say I have to agree with mrgn here. I understand where you are coming from though. I was in a similar relationship with J and the whole nine yards. I think it is also disgusting how a man couldn't even care to see his own child and watch them grow, but men are weirdos.

Even though everybody tells me that it's better off this way without J in Mia's life, I can't help but think "I really wish she at least had a dad whether me and J stayed together or not.''

So like i said, I can understand why you wouldn;t want him around after all he has done, but maybe instead of resenting him maybe you can hope and pray he would turn his life around for the better for his son.

taylorsue00 · June 2010

still07:

Mama2S-K-M:
At some point I think you can file abandonment and have his parental rights taken away. Not sure how long he has to go without contact, but it looks like he's well on his way! Does he pay cs?

only 6 months!! already checked with my lawyer...

a whole year in Cali...

Mama2S-K-M · June 2010

mandaphilly:

Amanda, I have to say I have to agree with mrgn here. I understand where you are coming from though. I was in a similar relationship with J and the whole nine yards. I think it is also disgusting how a man couldn't even care to see his own child and watch them grow, but men are weirdos.

Even though everybody tells me that it's better off this way without J in Mia's life, I can't help but think "I really wish she at least had a dad whether me and J stayed together or not.''

So like i said, I can understand why you wouldn;t want him around after all he has done, but maybe instead of resenting him maybe you can hope and pray he would turn his life around for the better for his son.

I know it seems harsh but I have had to deal with DD#1's "dad" being around for her full 13 yrs of life. Trust me when I say she would have been better off if he would have gone away. The only reason he sees her is to make sure I do not get what I want. He is verbally abusive, has anger management issues and is just an immature p.o.s. Unfortunately Michigan courts think the father should be involved no matter how big of a douchebag they are.

Sometimes the kids really are better off. What I can be thankful for is my husband who is wonderul with her and our other 2 children. He shows her what a real father should be.

still07 · June 2010

Mama2S-K-M:
mandaphilly:

Amanda, I have to say I have to agree with mrgn here. I understand where you are coming from though. I was in a similar relationship with J and the whole nine yards. I think it is also disgusting how a man couldn't even care to see his own child and watch them grow, but men are weirdos.

Even though everybody tells me that it's better off this way without J in Mia's life, I can't help but think "I really wish she at least had a dad whether me and J stayed together or not.''

So like i said, I can understand why you wouldn;t want him around after all he has done, but maybe instead of resenting him maybe you can hope and pray he would turn his life around for the better for his son.

I know it seems harsh but I have had to deal with DD#1's "dad" being around for her full 13 yrs of life. Trust me when I say she would have been better off if he would have gone away. The only reason he sees her is to make sure I do not get what I want. He is verbally abusive, has anger management issues and is just an immature p.o.s. Unfortunately Michigan courts think the father should be involved no matter how big of a douchebag they are.

Sometimes the kids really are better off. What I can be thankful for is my husband who is wonderul with her and our other 2 children. He shows her what a real father should be.

Yes ...to the last part of your message. that's a REAL father. it takes a man to be a sperm donor, but a REAL man to be a father. glad you have someone like that in your life!! (to balance out the negativity with your daughter's biological dad)

LIbride1006 · June 2010

I remember you from the tri boards when you were pregnant. You caught alot of crap back then for being you. Keep being you and it will all work out. I would look into having his right terminated in the future. This way if you meet someone in the future that actually wants to be a father to Nathan they would be able to adopt him. My oldest is from a previous relationship with a HUGE DB. My DH adopted my oldest right after we were married it was the best thing that could have happened to him as now he has a father who truly cares about him. Good Luck.

mrgn · June 2010

mandaphilly:
Amanda, I have to say I have to agree with mrgn here. I understand where you are coming from though. I was in a similar relationship with J and the whole nine yards. I think it is also disgusting how a man couldn't even care to see his own child and watch them grow, but men are weirdos.

Even though everybody tells me that it's better off this way without J in Mia's life, I can't help but think "I really wish she at least had a dad whether me and J stayed together or not.''

So like i said, I can understand why you wouldn;t want him around after all he has done, but maybe instead of resenting him maybe you can hope and pray he would turn his life around for the better for his son.

Uh, yeah. That's what I was trying to say. I just said it in less words. You don't think it's sad that he wants no part of your childs' life? Some day N is going to want to know who is dad is. It's SAD that your X won't man up and have a relationship with his child. I don't think you're pathetic or whatever you think I meant. Not for that reason, at least. I day dreamed about running away with A because it is HARD to be a single parent with a man in your life who hurt you and still hurts you and you're afraid will hurt your child... whether that abuse is physical/emotional/mental. I get that selfish desire. But IDEALLY, he mans up, cuts the shiit, and has a healthy relationship with your son. Right? Right.

SnowflakeBaby2009 · June 2010

mrgn:
mandaphilly:

Amanda, I have to say I have to agree with mrgn here. I understand where you are coming from though. I was in a similar relationship with J and the whole nine yards. I think it is also disgusting how a man couldn't even care to see his own child and watch them grow, but men are weirdos.

Even though everybody tells me that it's better off this way without J in Mia's life, I can't help but think "I really wish she at least had a dad whether me and J stayed together or not.''

So like i said, I can understand why you wouldn;t want him around after all he has done, but maybe instead of resenting him maybe you can hope and pray he would turn his life around for the better for his son.

Uh, yeah. That's what I was trying to say. I just said it in less words. You don't think it's sad that he wants no part of your childs' life? Some day N is going to want to know who is dad is. It's SAD that your X won't man up and have a relationship with his child. I don't think you're pathetic or whatever you think I meant. Not for that reason, at least. I day dreamed about running away with A because it is HARD to be a single parent with a man in your life who hurt you and still hurts you and you're afraid will hurt your child... whether that abuse is physical/emotional/mental. I get that selfish desire. But IDEALLY, he mans up, cuts the shiit, and has a healthy relationship with your son. Right? Right.

He is mentally and emotionally unstable. He is violent. Whether he tries to come around to see my son or not STILL doesn't make him a father. He's just a sperm donor to me, and my son deserves better than to have that POS that decided he didn't want him in his life.

mandaphilly · June 2010

And back to what I said earlier -

Yes I understand he is a mental case, so is mine. But maybe I should of been more clear ...

I do not want Javier in my daughter Mia's life is he continues to do what he does.

However, I do wish he would straighten himself out. I am able to let go of what he did to us and let him heave a HEALTHY relationship with his daughter.

Not only do I wish that for Javier and my daughter, I wish Mia will also have a wonderful step-father one day in the future.

So I am sorry Amanda, if you have misunderstood or anybody that thought I was telling you to just go and pursue that relationship or whatever. No, what I was trying to say was - Yes, it is better that he is away for now, but you should pray/wish/hope he would get his shiit together for Nate. And then once he is stable he can pursue the relationship on his own.

Am I clear now?

mrgn · June 2010

mandaphilly:
And back to what I said earlier -

Yes I understand he is a mental case, so is mine. But maybe I should of been more clear ...

I do not want Javier in my daughter Mia's life is he continues to do what he does.

However, I do wish he would straighten himself out. I am able to let go of what he did to us and let him heave a HEALTHY relationship with his daughter.

Not only do I wish that for Javier and my daughter, I wish Mia will also have a wonderful step-father one day in the future.

So I am sorry Amanda, if you have misunderstood or anybody that thought I was telling you to just go and pursue that relationship or whatever. No, what I was trying to say was - Yes, it is better that he is away for now, but you should pray/wish/hope he would get his shiit together for Nate. And then once he is stable he can pursue the relationship on his own.

Am I clear now?

Clearly we don't speak English, Mandaphilly. I'm glad at least YOU understand what I'm saying. Maybe she is a lost cause. I'm not sure why she keeps saying that he is abusive. Yes, we know. And that would be why it is important that you keep N safe. Which many of us have said.... Oy. I feel like a broken record. I'm done. I hope N grows up healthy and happy and none of the deadbeat dad issues impact him.

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