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redshoegirl
member
*le sigh* can I whine for just a minute?
redshoegirl
member
Ben's uncle and aunt are visiting our town today. They, and Ben's parents, want to go out to dinner with us tonight. I don't want to. Lunch would be no problem, but I'm not comfortable taking the boys out to dinner yet. They tend to be at their crankiest and most fractious in the evening, and taking them somewhere will make them even harder to settle once we get home. And I don't feel like spending my entire dinner trying to soothe or settle one or the other. No one seems to understand this, and everyone (even Ben a little, I think) seems to think I'm being silly. Is it really that unreasonable of me to not want to do this? Am I just being a big ole wuss?
For the mamas out there, when did you first take your LO out to dinner? Not just to a restaurant or cafe for lunch or coffee or whatever, but at nighttime?
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Re: *le sigh* can I whine for just a minute?
Ummmm... Never? I have to think. We ate at home a lot at dinnertime. I don't think we ever went out with Alexa. Of course now she goes to sleep at 7:30 so we'd have to go to early EARLY. But back when she was a baby and going to bed at 9-10, we still didn't take her out to restaurants for dinner. Only lunch or late-afternoon meals.
Can you get take-out or order in?
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog
See, this is what I've been trying to tell Ben! Most people don't take babies out to dinner!
Their bedtime is between 7-9pm - they're not always in their cribs immediately (sometimes we let them sleep in their bouncers until later in the night if they're already settled down), but in terms of their sleep patterns, that's when their longer period of sleep starts. So I do NOT want to have them in a restaurant (or anywhere else outside the house) at 7.30pm.
They either want to eat at ILs house (again, disruptive for us) or at a restaurant. I'm annoyed at the whole thing because I'm sure they never did this with their kids but I'm supposed to be ok with it.
I just wouldn't go if I were in your position. I think your reasons are completely valid and (1) why put the kids through that and (2) why put yourself and your company through it either?!
A goes down for his first stretch between 6 and 7. Last Friday, we took him to a family dinner for the first time, knowing it was at a familiar house and we'd have lots of room and time to get him comfy. Of course, he fussed a lot, barely slept, and I didn't enjoy myself much. It'll be a while before we try that again. I can't imagine how stressful that would have been at a restaurant or somewhere we weren't as comfortable.
This is exactly it. We've gone to the ILs house a few times for dinner, and every.single.time, I end up being the person whose dinner goes cold because I'm constantly having to get up to deal with fussing babies, and the boys got such crappy sleep that they were little hellions that night. And to be honest, I don't see how having fussy babies is fun for ANYONE - not just me, but everyone else who has to listen to them, KWIM?
I guess I just don't understand why people - especially people who have had kids, even if it was 30 years ago - think it's unreasonable for me not to want to take them out at night.
Like it or not, my time revolves around their schedule right now, and I'm the one that will have to deal with screaming babies at 2am if their sleep schedules get all messed up. I'm sorry if that means we can't all go out and have a fun dinner, but it is what it is, you know?
I've told Ben that when his mother calls to tell him where they all want to go tonight (as will undoubtedly happen), that he needs to tell her that this isn't cool with us. If they want to all come to our house and have take out, or want to meet up somewhere for lunch tomorrow, that's fine - but I'm not doing dinner tonight.
Actually, after my restaurant post last week, we took the baby out to dinner on Saturday, lunch AND dinner on Sunday, *AND* lunch AND dinner today =P Talk about going overboard! But we had 3 different Father's Day celebrations and we met up with a friend who was in town only for a week today. Each outing didn't go as badly as we thought it would, so I think it kinda encouraged us to keep doing it?
What I'd do is nurse him for almost a good hour and change him before leaving for the restaurant. Then, he sleeps through the car ride and generally stays asleep through most of the meal. Today, during lunch, I did have to nurse him (because I went straight from my dr's appt to lunch so he was hungry) but we were in a booth and I had my nursing cover so it went pretty well. He also fussed at lunch on Sunday and at dinner today (but only towards the end while we were waiting for the check and paying), so I had to rock and walk him to calm him. We also try using the pacifier but that usually only calms him for a minute before he spits it out and we have to keep putting it back in. But if I put him in our Ergo carrier, and walk him for a bit, he'll fall back asleep and I'll just sit down with him still in the carrier. So yeah, it's definitely some work, but I feel lucky that he was consolable each time we've gone out (sometimes he's inconsolably fussy at home).
But we only have one baby. I'm honestly not sure what to do if I had two. It's definitely work and not a very relaxing dinner (I feel like I'm not really paying attention to the conversation at the table, but just focused on the baby most of the time) so if you don't want to do it, you shouldn't feel pressured to do so.
To be honest, this is also a large part of it - it messes up their sleep but it's also no fun for me. We don't go out to eat very often, so it's a treat for me - and having to constantly deal with fussing etc is not relaxing. Maybe if the ILs helped when they fussed I'd be more willing but as it is, it's exhausting and not fun (not saying they should have to help, just that it would make me more willing if I knew it wouldn't be all me [Ben is willing to help but I let him relax when we have dinner with the ILs since they're his parents]).
Also, I bow down to you! Seriously, I'm impressed, this is awesome!
THIS. So our fussiest restaurant outing was with the ILs. I spent a good chunk of it just pacing around the back of the restaurant near the bathroom (in the beginning, when I paced around our table, I just kept getting in the way of the waiters and I didn't want to risk running into them and having hot food spilled on the baby) because I didn't want MH to deal with it if we're having a meal with his parents. So that meal was actually the most work for me. So more reason for you to not to want to do it, unless you're feeling *really* up to it...
OK, I take it back. We did go out to dinner ONCE... We took Alexa with us to a friend's house who also has a baby. The plan was for me to use their crib to put Alexa to sleep in while their baby slept in his PnP. Well... their baby went ot sleep fine. He's younger so was still in the sleep all the time phase. Alexa? NO WAY.
I missed the whole dinner because I was upstairs trying to nurse her and rock her and keep her from crying. Well, finally I just gave up and brought her to the table and held her while I ate my cold dinner. I had to rock her and pacify her the whole night. She was a mess. It was awful!
We were at MILs house for Passover dinner as well and it was a similar thing. Dinner was supposed to be at 7, but when I explained that Alexa goes to bed at 7:30, they moved it earlier, to 6, and told everyone that if they wanted to play with Alexa they should come over at 5 p.m. Everyone was very accommodating and understanding. But when we left the dinner table after the "service" part to put her down... She didn't want to sleep, so she screamed the whole time while we were all eating. Correction: She screamed, I attempted to get her to sleep, and everyone ate. I then ate another cold dinner later. It was not good. :-(
I would say that she's gotten much better at this and we have put her down at our ILs at other times and she's been fine and gone right to sleep so the rest of us can hang out and relax. It's just that these two particular dinners were especially trying. And you never really know what sort of night you'll have... A good one or a nightmare night.
Malia & Dave & Alexa
Happily married since 2-17-08! Three since 9-9-09!
Baby Blog
we go out for dinner all the time at friends/family houses or restaurants BUT this is much different than your situation with TWO babies and the fact that you *know* they are always fussy at this time.
Jack doesn't go to bed until 9 or 10. Sometimes he sleeps through our dinners out and sometimes he doesn't. He loves to people watch and now that he is older we bring toys that keep him busy. We also "talk" to him the entire time and make funny faces which keeps him occupied. I often know that one of us (probably me) may have to leave if he gets upset but it has only happened once. We have been to all types of restaurants - local ethnic food hole in the walls, chains, pub type, buffet, and even a semi-fancy place (we were really nervous about this one but didn't want to leave him home since it was my first week back to work).
yeah we have only done dinner w/her once and she was one month old, it was a holiday party for DH's hospital. we took turns holding her so that each of us could eat. it was ok but not that enjoyable to me b/c i felt like i was constantly trying to make sure she was happy
she doesn't go to bed early (usu about 10pm) but it would still mess w/her schedule since she likes to eat so often and won't usually nap while we're out. but, when she was younger it may have been more feasible i am not sure. we did have dinner guests over once and it wasn't too bad. we had dinner together and then i went and put her down for a nap while they stayed downstairs and started the movie w/o me. but this was also at the stage where we could put her on the sofa laying in her boppy and she wouldn't move LOL
i don't think you're being unreasonable at all, esp if they are fussy at night. i think if you asked Ben if he would be ok holding one all night while eating and juggling a baby at the same time, he might change his tune
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
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