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rayskit10
member
s/o babysitting & friends
rayskit10
member
Per the MM post in almond's post below, do you have friends that you would leave your kids with rather than a sitter?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o babysitting & friends
a lot of the responses in that MM post said "she could just leave him with friends" and i was really surprised that people think/do that. maybe it's b/c i didn't grow up here so i don't have many 'lifelong' friends in houston but i just can't see imposing my kids on friends for a social event. maybe now i can see leaving T with a friend who also has a kiddo his age, but M i can't. even when i went in to labor with mathis at 3 am, i had lots of ppl offer to watch T but i just couldn't bring myself to impose and we ended up taking him to the hospital and then calling my nanny at 5 am and she watched him until my mom's flight got in at 3 pm.
My friends have offered...but I always feel guilty taking them up on it. It's usually a last minute thing - I wouldn't feel comfortable asking a friend a month in advance when I have plenty of time to find a baby sitter.
On the other hand, I would keep my friends kids anytime they needed help. If we're home there is no reason not to help out.
Yes! I would totally help out my friends if/when they needed it and wouldn't think twice about it SO i know that they probably feel the same way. still, i am just uncomfortable- not that i don't trust them, uncomfortable about the burden/inconvenience i am placing on them
I have a friend who was out of work, until recently, and she asked to babysit F. She has no kids of her own and loves them, she even asks to be invited to playdates (and comes!) I would only have her come during the day when I had to go to the dentist or something, now that she is working, I really miss that option.
I have a friend with a son the same age as F, she has babysit F and I have babysat her son. I feel much more comfortable with her than a random sitter.
As for evening stuff,we are lucky to have DH's family and they have always been able to watch F. The one time no one could, we had our nanny do it. We have never had a sitter and I honestly wouldn't know how to find one.
So Tasty, So Yummy
I feel the same way. wouldn't leave C with friends unless it was an emergency. He's a handful and they have kids too.
Now I would gladly watch any of my friends kids if they needed help.
You are lucky to have that. I don't have that option.
And as mom's this is one thing that gets us in *trouble* so to speak. What if you did take your friends up just once on their offer? Most people dont just offer to offer (or at least I am not going to offer to keep your kiddo(s) without meaning it and you know which friends those are) how would that help or change that day for you? Or even them?
Though it is uncomfortable, maybe it is a way for them to give back to you for everything you have done for them? Maybe a way to spread blessings that they have received? Or sharing their good fortunes/blessings with you and your family.
I know for me it is REALLY hard to ask for help or even allow others to help. Even though currently our kiddos are older and can almost take care of themselves, it is still hard. And we have family that lives close! I try to be "she-woman" and do it all, be it all and become it all. I dont mind doing anything for anyone, and feel obligated at times to do, because someone has done for me or my family. I heard a pastor say once to step back and allow those that want to help, to help if appropriate. I tried this once (every bone in my body was against it, not because of who the person was but because I am a control freak) and wow, what an experience.
We have a family friend that is a single mom to two little girls. H and I always offered to watch them, or just big sister for the evening whatever she needed. One afternoon while I was at work, she called in a panic the oldest was in the emergency room and she needed someone to come pick up the 3 month old and watch her, maybe just for the day, night she wasnt sure. I left work and headed out. (I was greatful that she felt comfortable enough to call me and my family.) We kept that little girl for an entire week while mom was bedside with the oldest in the hospital. I learned a TON from that little girl during that week. Some really good life lessons for me. We now keep them about once a month to give mom a break. She even told me once that it took everything she had to call and now she is greatful she was able to just let go - because today she doesnt feel like she has to be super mom and can let her girls go for the weekend or week with no problems. So we all learned something that week.
Maybe we all make a commitment to try to let our friends help, just once in the next year. Maybe we are missing out on something we are suppose to learn from them, or not allowing a life lesson to be learned on their end because we feel uncomfortable about being a burden/inconvenience.
I agree that it's good to allow others to help occasionally but as weird as it sounds, I'm much more comfortable helping others with their kids than asking for help with mine.
If I ask for help it's only because I really do need it, and in those instances it does sting a bit to get turned down. I once asked my stepmother a month in advance if she and my dad could keep the girls overnight for just one night. Up until that time they had never kept either of the girls for us, nor had they ever asked to keep them. She kind of paused and then changed the subject. She didn't even acknowledge my question! I will NEVER ask for their help again with childcare.
I am always serious when I offer to watch Joe. I would be happy to, he is a delight!
So Tasty, So Yummy
Knowing how busy everyone is, I can't imagine asking a friend to babysit unless it was an emergency. I have offered to babysit for friends, but have never been taken up on it.
Not to try and answer for MGR but I am 100% certain you WOULD LOVE to watch Joe. I know some of my friends would 100% want to have my kids come over and play with theirs. WHen you feel awkward about it, you just do. It feels like such a huge imposition on my part- but, again, this is more with Mathis than Truitt.
Maybe age has something to do with it? Like with T, it would be more of a playdate, even if they don't have kids his age. He is pretty independent and very (verrrrrrry) communicative. Mathis, on the other hand, would be straight up babysitting...
this is me too.
when dh was in the hospital we had lots of offers of help with addie. I wasn't really comfortable taking them up on it, but a couple times with a few friends I had to. someone even had her for almost a week because we got stuck in the hospital in la thinking we were transferring to houston.
anyway, i wouldn't do it unless it was an extreme situation. i have tried to do babysitting exchanges with other moms but it never worked out. it never worked for scheduling or something always got in the way.
this, exactly. down to the labor part.
j+k+m+e | running with needles
this, exactly. down to the labor part.
j+k+m+e | running with needles
If a friend offers and I need them to, I would totally take them up on it. Of course, Eileen has had a ton of sitters--we are very lucky in having a wide network of people to choose from for babysitting duty.
I've babysat for several friends and I hope that now that we have E they won't hesitate to ask again. I can watch multiple kiddos with no problem, but I have alot of experience with that, too (=
I would never want to take payment for keeping a friends children, that's what friends are for--and also because if I needed them, that's how we can "pay" each other back. With that said, we've had friends send us gift cards as a thank you---totally unnecessary, but it was nice.
I too would rather use a friend than a random sitter....and this is exactly what I do. Difference being, I actually PAY my friends, so that I will feel it's less of a burden on them.
JamicanBride is a very generous person who babysits K often, and while I do pay her, it's still almost like a playdate for K and her kiddo. I would rather K get socialization with a friend than be at home alone with a babysitter. Plus, it helps out a stay at home mom who probably likes the little bit of extra spending cash. And I trust jamicanbride implicitly.
Disclaimer before anyone gets all pi$$y about this: I don't see this as a question that has a right or wrong answer. It's about each individual's comfort level and relationships with others that work for them.
That being said, I could *never* have a friend be a paid sitter. I know Kel and Jamican and I can totally see how that relationship would work for them but paying a friend would be even more awkward *for me* that asking them to do it for free.
I can appreciate what you are saying but paying her allows me to NOT feel the guilt of inconveniencing a friend with watching my kid. I could *never* just let her watch her for free....just doesn't feel right to me. If someone's going to do work (and caring for children is something I value as work, just like a job outside the home) for me, then I am absolutely going to pay them!
If it were a once in a blue moon/favor kind of thing....no, I wouldn't feel the necessity to pay, but I use her 3-4 times a month....NO WAY would I not pay her!
I have never had to use a sitter other than my in-laws, but in an emergency, I would absolutely ask a friend. It would either be another mom in my neighborhood (I gladly watched her son when she went to the dentist recently), or a friend I have known for 10+ years. With either one, I know without hesitation that they would welcome the chance to help me out.
I definitely wouldn't pay the neighborhood friend because I know I will eventually help her out again with her kid(s). As for my friend without kids, I'd probably buy her a bottle of wine or something.
Kel & Jami - that's an awesome arrangement you both have worked out! I can't imagine how much you need an off hours sitter with your line of work Kel.
And Paige, you know you can throw me into that mix
j+k+m+e | running with needles
I have a very close friend with a child the same age as Luca. I do ask her to watch him and she asks me to watch her son. I don't have a problem with it. We do keep track. As in "you owe me" kind of thing. We are both strapped for cash and SAHMs. We both feel comfortable saying no if it isn't a good time. I don't have a problem with it. Neither of us have family in town. It's never more than 2 hours.
I do feel strange asking a friend that doesn't have kids. However, the lady across the street has traded me baby sitting for pet sitting. It works for us.