How does your DH/SO respond to all of this?

jenallyson · June 2010

I love my DH dearly, but he's very pessimistic. And so if he senses even the tiniest bit of excitement from me about possibly getting pregnant this cycle, then he tries to bring me down so that I don't get too excited in case it doesnt work yet another cycle in a row. He's constantly saying things like "just don't think about it" and "don't get too excited, it might not happen". I know it might not happen, but I like to dream a little.

After the most recent M/C he is even worse because he did have his hopes up as did I. I know he's just dealing with these emotions, but we deal with them so differently, that it's hard for me to deal with him when he becomes the "debby downer" of the relationship and I just really need some support and positive thoughts.

I guess I'll just have to use my friends as a way to get my excitement out. Its just extra hard because we're together 24/7 and I don't see my friends very often.

Does anyone else have a DH/SO who is similar? How do you cope?

utgirl2 · June 2010

DH is pretty quiet about the whole thing. He definitely wanted to start trying when we did and was bringing pregnancy tests home. I think he's a little nervous about IUI's and IVF talk. I think he doesn't know what to make of it all, since we have now discovered some of the reasons we're not getting pregnant.

maryNamory · June 2010

My DH is the same way. He explained that it is because its hard for him to see me so excited and then equally disappointed when it happens. He cant do anythign for me then and it hurts him to see me hurt

scherpha · June 2010

I am so sorry for your loss - I am sure that was hard on both of you.

My DH and I are on the same page in terms of current treatment and possible pregnancy. The trouble we have is with looking at possible future treatment. I like to be educated ahead of time, where is more a need to know kind of guy. I struggle with that because I want to talk about it IRL and very few people know about all of our details.

It is hard but GL!

amy1004 · June 2010

My DH has told me he feels pain when I get sad each month after a BFN. He just doesn't want me to raise my hopes to high to have everything crash when AF comes. Just keep talking about how you feel. It is so important that you and your DH keep communicating and stay on the same page while TTC.

jenallyson · June 2010

maryNamory:
My DH is the same way. He explained that it is because its hard for him to see me so excited and then equally disappointed when it happens. He cant do anythign for me then and it hurts him to see me hurt

That is the best way to describe it! I just needed your DH's words!

Mrs.Saxy · June 2010

I did not have the problems I'm having now with ttc DS but it did take 8 months and he did not understand my frustrations. He could not sympathize and really just seemed not to care, but that was him.

Also, when I was pregnant, DH didn't want to feel my belly and he didn't get excited aobut stuff that excited me. Guys can be so far removed from this because it's not their body. However, DH is the best dad and husband since I gave birth.

I did not cope well and we had a lot of arguments. I still remember a horrible fight we had when I was about 8 months pregnant....ew, it was bad.

BBColt78 · June 2010

I think MH went through stages. Right now we are about to start IVF and he told me last night that he really needs me to stay positive. He said that he can't stand to see me hurt, worried and upset over TTC because there is nothing that he can do about it.

I think the guys just want to protect us. It's hard for them to see us hurt. YH is trying to protect you.

So, the good news is we just all meet on here and complain, cry, celebrate, and vent together! GL!

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