Military Families
Lissa832
member
DD, really?
Lissa832
member
Why would you DD that post? No one was being particularly snarky with you, but giving you honest opinions.
You said that you are a "strong, independent and opinionated" woman. So are the women on these boards. Suck it up next time, even if people don't agree with you.
I don't know exactly what you expected. Your title was "Wives, ugh". We're wives. If you want to trash talk military wives in general, then going to a military wives forum might not be the smartest place to go.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: DD, really?
How freaking lame is that! Apparently, you are not as "mature" as you say you are or shall I say, as you think you are.
If you can't handle a board of "wives" (and enlisted/officers) then no wonder you don't have wife friends. Good luck with that.
Dang I read the OP yesterday. And I was trying to find it just now. Sad.
Did anyone happen to see the flame free confessions over on 2nd Tri yesterday?
Kat_Bride: I find most military marriages odd and a little suspect, because it seems they all date for just two months and rush to get married.
I knew my husband 8 years before we got married. That was together for almost 8 years before we got married. Maybe her marriage sucks so she is trying compensate
You were 16 and he was 22? Please tell me your parents had no idea you were dating.
And the one about we only get married because we get more money? I wish people who knew nothing about the military would stop acting like they do and just quit talking.
I was 17 and my husband was 21 when we got married. but we dated 2 years before we got married and went to highschool together!!
You said it better than I could.
They knew..didn't like it at first, but got to know him and realized how much he cared about me.
I'm not passing any judgement..just saying that its dumb that people talk crap on getting married so young. I know for me and DH, if we didn't feel like we were ready to get married, then we wouldn't have...and as for the statutory rape part...um..not everyone has sex before marriage...and we had parental consent to date, we only saw eachother on the weekends and were never left alone...so who's the one passing judgement?
So your debate about young women jumping in to marriage doesnt hold up because you as a teenage NON-Legal adult chose to get pregnant and THEN get married to your husband in the military later. Doesn;t that kind of go along with the whole young wives jumping into it crap?
I could care less when people have their kids because frankly, I dont have to raise them and deal with it but dont try to and say that young girls dont when you did.
Since I'm the one that posted about young military marriages (HERE), I'll just say two things. Four years together (two prior to marriage and two years married) is NOT the long haul. Statistically young marriages (especially those that are military related) do not survive for the long haul (not talking about four years, I'm talking about 50).
What I said about "young military marriages" is, again, statistically correct. I know people who have made their young military marriages work, I know A LOT more people in the military community who are on their second or third marriages before they turn 30. Like I said before, the lucky ones don't have kids and don't get in too much trouble financially in those hard first marriages, but most of those first marriages do result in really bad aftermaths for both parties (and for the involved children) and it is really sad.
I sincerely hope that you choose to parent your children better than your parents chose to parent you. If my DS came home at 16 and said "I'm dating a 22 year old," I would put a stop to it and call the police. If my DS came home at 22 and said, "I'm dating a 16 year old," I would tell him to put a stop to it and then I'd call the girl's parents. It's disgusting, IMO, and shows a lot about who your DH is, IMO. An adult MAN should not under any circumstances date a minor, IMO. He should have known better. It's illegal for one and shows a lack of character and integrity, IMO.
Secondly, you have been married for 2 years. That's nothing in the grand scheme of things. When you have been married for 10, 15, 20 years, then you can say that people have no right to make comments. The sad fact is, that you are at a significant disadvantage when it comes to a lifelong marriage.
DH and I have been together since I was 19. We got married when I was 21. We have been married for 6 years. We are still at that same disadvantage that you are under because of how young we were when we got married. Even if you make it to 10 years, you are STILL at that disadvantage. To think that age has nothing to do with this shows a complete lack of maturity on your part. Can your marriage work? Sure it can. I would, however, advise you to never tell your story of dating to anyone else to "prove" your point because it makes your DH look like a rapist. I know. I know. You didn't have sex until you were 18, right?
...I know and understand and agree with you that the statistics for 'young military marriages', heck, young marriages in general are not in favor of the marriages. I just don't understand how most people look down upon them/ talk crap about them. I agree that 4 years of being together is not the "long haul", but from seeing our friends that we know, we are one of the ones who have made it the longest. I know we still have a very long way to go to catch up to some of you women. For me and DH, we don't want to be included in that statistic, if we didn't feel like we weren't ready or had any hesitation as to why we should/ should not have gotten married, then we wouldn't have. We knew that things wouldn't be easy in any way shape or form...but knew that if we worked together, that we could make it. Most of the military marriages that I know of, didn't make it past the 1st year...and its very sad to see.
I realize that now, that it did come off that way..which I didn't mean for it to. So that is my bust. But I honestly do know couples that have waited until they were married to have sex, as I'm sure you know some too..but that's a totally different topic.
DH and I had our wedding planned out before I found out I was pregnant with DS. Yes, we had a child VERY early and yes I got married young, but I didn't rush into anything. I knew full well all the outcomes of getting pregnant and married, which is more than a lot of young girls know or choose to even care about. DH and I both agree that we did not jump into anything. Even though we were only together for 2 years before getting married, we knew that we wanted to get married...so we did.
DH was worried about our age difference when we first met...he was afraid to even think about dating me because I was a minor, but when we would go out together, we didn't focus on our age difference, it was more about getting to know eachother. We met when I was a minor, I guess it was just crappy timing...it would have been more socially acceptable if I were 18. But at the time, we didn't advertise our age difference for the world to see, like many do know on reality shows [yes I realize its on tv, but I know a lot of women on the bump watch 16&Pregnant and there are guys that got a minor pregnant] and in real life. We knew how it made DH look, and we didn't care about what other people thought.
..but with all that drama aside, whether or not DH and I got married young and are in a horrible statistical bracket, we are happy and wouldn't change anything about where we were and where we are.
That being said, this is a military families board, and I only posted my original comment because you ladies were talking about how other people were talking about military marriages...I guess I should have just stayed lurking because this blew up into something that it wasn't intended to..and that's my fault for being honest about an age difference when writing an answer to a post. But what's done is done, I've taken your flames and didn't run away or DD..so I suppose I'll stop lurking on here since I'm not a military family anymore..but I wish you ladies all the best..and thank you/your husbands for choosing to protect our country.
I didn't read all the responses but just want to say that young marriages happen in the military and in the civilian worlds for whatever reason. To generalize that young military marriages are "suspect" is just stupid and ignorant and just that - a generalization.
And as for someone DD'ing their post? Who the F cares? Seriously. To point it out is just a way to bring it up again and if you are really spending your time figuring out and noticing when there is a DD, then you need something better to do with your time. It shouldn't affect your life that much.
My husband and I got married at 21 straight out of college. 12 years later, we are still married, going strong with our first child.
I'd like you to show me the references for your "statistical" data. Really... I would. :-)
Ok... my two cents
First, I am glad to say that my air force husband and I must be throwing the "statistical" data off. We were married when we were 20 years old and are going on 10 years of marriage. So, both of us are turning 30 this year and we're both still on our "first" marriage...gasp! Imagine that!! We are only now expecting our first child because we decided that we just were not yet ready to be parents (for one thing, I thought it was real important that we finished our college educations first). We both try to be all around good people and it really hurts when people try to put everyone into one statistical bucket like that. Oh well, you can't cure ignorance.
Also, speaking of college education, I just want to mention that I don't understand why anyone would think that because they have a college degree that is supposed to make them more "mature" than someone who does not. I've met many mature, professional people with no college education, and I've met a few dingbats who had a degree. I thought friendship was supposed to be based on your connection with someone and the fact that you enjoy spending time with them, not how many degrees they have on the wall. If you never open yourself up to accepting friends from all walks of life, then you are going to have a boring life!
I totally want to be YOUR friend!